Her Hypergraphia

I found myself reading it out loud with a sort of morse code rhythm that really worked for me. It portrays an erotic moment with the sort of subtlety that I prefer. The only change I'd make is replace the second use of "hip" with something else, as the repetition doesn't match the rest of the poem.

I think you fudged the execution. May be my reading, of course.<p>

I marked you down because I expect more from you, so that is kind of a complement while peeing on your poem, if that makes sense. There are a lot of things I like about this and a lot of things I think are not so much bad as not well thought out or, perhaps, not well executed.<p>

For example, "hypergraphia" ("an overwhelming urge to write") is not documented, nor (more to the point) is it conveyed in the poem. It seems more you (narrator) are detailing things, unless you want, in an erotic poem, to say that your subject is carefully noting sensations while you diddle her.<p>

If that is what you mean, carry on. We then obviously think of eroticism differently. :-)<p>

I know. Long comment. A 'cuz I like this, but don't think it works.<p>

Probably wrong, as usual.

fair. Good have been better.

This poem was mentioned in today's New Poetry Recommendations in the Poetry Feedback & Discussion forum.