- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Over: Fuck and Get
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Click hereHe crashed into my life
one charged word after another
like a trumpet playing
to that big part of me
that feels little.
He made me feel high
and I floated on every thought
that barraged from his head
and banged straight through skin.
Oh I should have known
when one of the first things he said
was that he liked elephants;
I've seen the way they trample.
Still I lay myself down
right in his trail
for he had promised not to tromp
and I'd forever sworn belief.
We lied to all others
but never to each other
or so I thought,
or so he forgot.
In the end I got what I'd known
was coming more or less
but I still felt hurt
when the beast tiptoed over my head.
- COMMENTS
as if you left something out, like "Out" as in "Fuck and Get Out." "Barraged" is kind of a strange word--I'm not quite sure what that's supposed to mean. Maybe "lay" (in line 14) should be "laid" (the context seems to be past tense)?<p>
I am not sure you want these kind of comments, as this seems to be very much a "vent" kind of poem, and so kind of above or outside of criticism.