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Weekday Whimsy

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40 words
4.5
1.6k
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When I slip my fingers
into his pocket and
fill my palm with
the concealed curve
of muscle there--
sweet flesh, firm
in both laughter
and passion--
I feel leashed
to my maker, and
only occasionally
tread on his heel.

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6 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
now THIS is good

really good! The descriptions are fantastic, the poem has movement. Deserves a 5.

bluebellbluebellover 15 years ago
Corinna

You've done it again. You'll have to stop or else we'll all get complexes about how we don't write nearly good enough! Heh. Really great job again. Mentioned in the thread, OF COURSE. :) Thanks for sharing.

UnderYourSpellUnderYourSpellover 15 years ago
~

Leave out the ellipses you don't need them to get you point across (dreadful pun unintended!)

GuiltyPleasureGuiltyPleasureover 15 years ago
refreshing....

....erotica in a neat package. (pun intended)<p> Tess

bflagsstbflagsstover 15 years ago
I didn't like "there"

the phrasing is a little awkward, very good poem regardless. The second -- could of just went with a comma. The first pause is fine, I just think you could do something better there besides for a "there".

vrosej10vrosej10over 15 years ago
Tight!

No messing about in this one. This is a great poem.



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