A Game of Basketball Pt. 08

Her words bounce around in my head. She needs you...

It's as if the dream I had is on the verge of coming real. Her words whisper in the recess of my mind. 'Where were you! Why didn't you save us?'

Is this what I'm supposed to do?

How can I save her when I need saving?

These thoughts are too heavy, I just want to bury my head in the bed.

I just want to be a better person, but the pain is killing me inside.

The world around me is falling and I so close to breaking.

I just need to rest and maybe I can find the strength to fight tomorrow.

Thursday Morning

The morning doesn't feel any different.

I turn off the alarm and go back to sleep. Everything feels so heavy underneath the problems that continue to stack up.

No matter how much I try to hide, I can escape it all.

I just have to hold on and fight.

But how do you fight, when you have no fight left in you?

My mind goes back to what Zach was trying to tell me before he died...

The regret I feel for not being able to forgive my dad before he died, it's drowning in my head.

I gotta stop driving myself crazy, dragging myself down. Zach and Dad are dead. No matter how much time I spend thinking about them, they're not coming back. Even though I keep holding on to the pieces they've left behind, they'll always be here in my mind, even if they're no longer here on this Earth.

For all I know, I could join them any minute. I can't let the words in my head stay there. I need to speak them to the people that need to hear them. I can't let the regret I feel for the things I never said continue to spread.

I need to move forward. That's what they'd want. Besides, if I don't make it to practice today, I won't be able to play in the game tomorrow night. That's the rules. And they need me. We're on a 3 game losing streak.

I just have to keep moving forward.

Looking at the clock, I'm already going to miss first period.

It's time to move on.

Getting up, I pull myself together and make my way to class.

After I check in with the office, I rush to my locker. The halls are empty with everyone being in class. Not going to lie, it's kind of nice not having everyone stare at me whisper behind my back.

Of course, as soon as I step into class all eyes are back on me. The room erupts with whispers as I take my seat. Class drags on as thoughts continue to take over my mind.

As lunch rolls around, I don't feel hungry, so I head out to the gym and put on some gym clothes. I head upstairs and hit the track.

The thoughts run through my head as I jog around the track.

Fuck, I'm so weak.

The last couple of weeks have taken a toll on my body.

After a mile, I have to stop and rest.

Fuck, that was such a struggle. If dad could see me now. He'd be disgusted.

I should get a workout in. Get some of my strength back.

Heading down to the gym, I take it easy with the weights. Just focusing on my form. It's been too long since my muscles went through a good workout. The pain actually feels kind of good. Reminds me I'm still alive.

I hear the bell ring. I don't even care about showering or changing. What's the point? I'm going to practice later anyways... I'm late for my next class, but seriously... Who really gives a shit?

The rest of school takes forever to go by, but eventually, the last bell rang.

As I walk into the gym for practice. The whole teams there huddled up with Coach Brooks. They all stop what they're doing and look up. I see Nicole off in the corner of the group.

"Welcome back, Dave. You have our condolences for the lost of your brother and father," coach says.

"Thanks, coach."

"Now let's have a good practice, we have a tough game tomorrow. Now let's get warmed up with full court layups."

As we break off and get into two separate lines at each end of the court. I quickly grab Nicole. She looks surprised. "Can we talk after practice?"

"Really? Yeah!" I can see a light flicker in her verdant green eyes. They've changed again.

"Okay, cool."

I follow Nicole to the back of one of the lines. For the first time in a long time, I feel hope.

Although practice, for the most part, was a bit of a struggle. I couldn't hit a shot to save my life and I feel so sluggish. I was put on the B team while on suspension.

I'm just not the same.

I can't help but notice how the rest of the team has pretty much outcasted Nicole. They're all probably pissed off about finding out that she was once Kevin.

If I can't forgive her, how can I expect them to? I still can't believe I somehow managed to make amends with Brett. If I can do that, then I should be able to not only forgive her, but apologize for the way I treated her and made her feel uncomfortable for being who she is.

Once practice finally ended, I pull Nicole aside.

"Are you finally going to forgive me?" she says. I can't decipher the look on her face nor the tone of her voice. I'm not sure if she's annoyed or hopeful.

"Yeah, that and I also need to apologize."

"Apologize?" Now it's easy to tell she's confused.

"I was... I was an asshole, straight up." I take a deep breath before I explain. "I never really gave you a chance to tell me the truth. The way I bashed on you... Well, the way I bashed on Kevin. I just know now that I never made it so you felt comfortable enough to tell me the truth."

I take her hands in mine. "I also realize now that Kevin was never the real you. Nicole was always you. Kevin was just a mask you were forced to wear."

Her eyes began to water, but before the tears have a chance to fall she wraps around as she buries her head in my chest. I pull her close to me as I run a hand through her hair.

I don't know how to explain it...

But having her in my arms once again just feels right. It's as if the rest of the world and all it's problems just melted away.

I just want to hold onto this feeling that takes over me when I'm with her.

I feel almost complete. Like I've finally found that part of my soul I've been missing this whole time.

As we finally pull apart, I look into her eyes to see if she felt it too.

Her expression matches the way I feel and now I know it was just me.

"Please tell me you felt that too?"

Her eyes squint as if she's trying to find a word to explain it. "Happy?"

I ponder for a second. "Is that what that feels like?"

"I think so... It feels like forever since I felt it."

"Yeah, no kidding," I laugh.

"So does this mean we're..." Her finger motions between the two of us.

"I hoping so. After just losing my brother and my dad, I don't really want to lose anyone else. Especially..."

Before I can even finish my sentence her lips are on mine. There it is again. That feeling. It's like a mix between a bucket of cold water being splashed on you and a rush of electricity. Can't decide between which one so we're going to go with both.

Finally our lips part. We're both panting for air.

"Let me guess, it was your mom and Emily that finally talked some sense into you?" she smiles.

"My cousin also had a hand in it. And believe it or not, so did Brett."

"What? Brett? No way..."

"Yeah, we actually bonded over drinks, it's a long story."

She gives me that look. "I don't know... I guess we're both just tired of fighting. The irony of it all is that's what Zach always wanted." Ahhh, why did I have to bring Zach up again? Those horrible, drowning feelings are taking over once more. I don't want Nicole to see me like this.

She locks her fingers in between mine. Just her touch makes my blood heat up. How does she have this much power over me?

"So does this mean you're going to the winter formal with me on Saturday?" She looks up at me with those hopeful eyes. How can I say no to her? But I can't... It's just too soon.

I don't even really want to play basketball anymore. I don't even know if I can.

"I can't, it's just... It's too soon. I still haven't gotten over Zach and my dad's death. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't go."

"I don't want to go if you're not going. It wouldn't be fun without you."

"Oh don't do that... You'd still have a good time with Anna and Jess. Please still go."

"What's the point without you?" she asks.

"Because I don't want you sitting at home by yourself when you should be having fun. At the very least it'd make Anna happy."

"I'll think about it." She grabs my hand and looks down at my arm. "What happened to your arm? It looks almost like it's burnt, but it looks like a handprint."

I yank my hand away. "It's nothing."

There's no way she'd understand. How could a dream give me a burn mark?

"We should probably get going?"

I hold out my other hand and she takes it in hers as we make our way outside.

"Are you serious?" I look up as Finn stares at us in disbelief. "How can you forgive him after he lied to us all? I thought Kevin was our enemy?"

"First of all, her name's not Kevin, it's Nicole. Secondly, does she wear a Santa Barbara Don Jersey or a Miramonte Matador Jersey?"

"You're seriously going to take his side over ours?" he asks. "He lied to us about who he is."

"She didn't have to tell us in the first place. The past is the past. If I've learned anything in the last couple of weeks, it's that life's too short to hold grudges. Believe me, you're going to regret the hate you give."

Nicole gave my hand a gentle squeeze and without another word being said, we left.

Once we get to Nicole's BMW, she turns to me and looks into my eyes. "Thank you, Dave. I never met to hurt you. Even back in Santa Barbara. I know we both said some things we didn't mean. I just.."

"You don't have to explain anything. I get it. How about we just start over?"

She gives me a smile that can put the most beautiful sunrise to shame. "Yeah, I'd like that. Is there no chance I can convince you to come to the dance?"

"I don't know. My mom needs me right now. I just don't think going to place crowded with people and loud noises is good for me right now."

"Fair enough. Can we hang out on Sunday?"

"Yeah, sure."

As I get lost in her eyes, I pull her close. We lean in and our lips connect. Her tongue dives into the depths of my mouth as her hands enclose around my back.

For a moment we get lost in each other's touch. As if the earth stood still, we entered our own space in time. A world of our own. I just wish it could last a little longer. But alas, all good things must come to end.

As we pull apart, our eyes stay connected.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I tell her.

"You promise?"

"Ha, of course."

"Just don't lose yourself in the pain, Dave. I know how easy it can be to drown in it all."

"I won't, besides... I'll have you to rescue me if I do, won't I?"

She gives me that intoxicating smile. "Always."

I could lose myself in her eyes, but at last, she finally breaks away and gets in her car. She gives me one last smile before she takes off.

It feels like my happiness goes with her and the Earth continued to spin again. It feels like the weight of all my problems fell back on my shoulders now that she's gone.

At home

As I walk into my home, I find my mother asleep in Emily's lap on the couch. Emily's also asleep with her arm wrapped on my mother's shoulder.

I sneak past them and take a quick shower before I pass out.

Friday Morning

It was a restless night. For some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about what Zach said at the restaurant. The thing about Dad having a baby with Nicole's older sister. I have a half-sister I've never met before.

Does she even know I exist?

Have they told her about me? Has Brett seen her?

Surely if Zach's seen her, then Brett has too. And if she's seen the both of them, she probably knows I exist. Although, she's probably only 2 or 3 years old right now. I doubt she has a clue what's going on.

I pull myself out of bed and I throw on dress clothes because it's game day and even though I'm not allowed to play, I still have to sit on the bench. I grab breakfast, but I'm not that hungry. I force it down. My mom's already left for work and so did Emily. I don't know how she does it. How she finds the strength to carry on like that. It can't be easy. Here I was thinking I'd be the one who'd be taking care of her, but she's so much stronger than I am.

School

As I enter school, I still collect people's stares. They all act as if I'm made of glass.

As I open my locker, I hear my name being called. Looking over my shoulder I see Donny on his way over. "Dude, long time no talk!"

"I know, I'm sorry Donny. I..."

"No need to explain. I know. Hey about Kev... Nicole. I feel bad about how the team has been treating her, myself included. It was stupid."

"Don't tell me that, tell her that."

"I plan on it. I just... You're my best friend. She's your girl. I should have stood up for her, but I didn't."

Speaking of Nicole, I see her making her way over to us.

"Here's your chance. There she is."

As she walks up to us, I pull her in for a kiss. The warmth of her lips brings me back to life.

"It's good to see you too," she laughs.

"Nicole, I'm sorry for the way everyone's been treating you, I should've stood up for you but I didn't."

"It's all good, Donny. The past is the past, right Dave?"

"Exactly." I take her hand in mine and we make our way to class.

"Anyways, so everyone's going to Jeremy's after the dance. Huge party. You guys are coming right?" Donny asks.

"Dave's not going to the dance," she says.

"What!? Why?" Donny asks.

"I'm going to stay home with my mom. She needs me."

"Oh... Yeah, okay."

For once, Donny doesn't even argue.

"Well, I got to get to class. I'll see ya all at lunch."

"Later, Donny."

I pull Nicole aside and look into those beautiful eyes of hers. Green again. She's wearing a tie, a sweater vest, with a short sleeve white collared shirt. And of course charcoal grey slack shorts with knee-high black socks. For being so steampunk, she makes formal wear looks sexy as hell. "I was thinking. Now that the cats out of the bag, can I finally come over to your house this Sunday?"

Her face turns a shade hot rosy pink. "Yeah! Definitely. I've wanted to have you over for so long."

"Yeah, me too!" We both share a laugh. "I was also wondering if it would be possible to see my dad's kid?"

Her eyes go wide. "Bridget?"

"That's her name?"

She smiles. "Yeah, and of course you can see her."

I pull her in for one more quick kiss before we head off to class. "I love you."

"I love you too, Dave."

She pushes me against the locker a starts tucking in my shirt and then straightens up my tie. She gives me a playful smile. "There, that's better."

We walk into English hand in hand. Of course, that gives everyone something to talk about, but I could give two shits.

Emily looks up at me from her desk. "Hey, Dave. Can I see you after class?"

"Sure, is it about my absences?" I ask her.

"It's nothing serious, there's no need to worry."

"Okay."

Nicole and I exchange looks as we take our seats.

Even though I'm not worried about what Emily has to say, it still takes up room in my mind. Is it about my mother? Or my grades? They can't be good since I've missed several days of class.

Eventually class ends. I tell Nicole I'll meet up with her at lunch before she heads off.

"So, you wanted to see me?" I ask.

"Yeah, I just wanted to ask you something." She pauses for a moment. "Your mother and I have been seeing each other for some time now. I know you both have been through a lot and things have been difficult lately. But your mother means the world to me."

"I just wanted to ask you how you think she'd feel if I asked her to move in together? I also wanted to know how'd you feel about it."

The question takes me completely off guard. Did not expect that at all. "I... ah... I'm definitely more than okay with it and I think she needs you right now. I love the idea of you moving in."

"Really? That's great! I was going to ask her tonight. Is that too soon?"

"Ummm, I think that would be great. You two are good together. Besides, I think you're a really good person and that's what my mother needs right now." Those luscious lips of hers slowly curl into a genuine smile. My words must have struck a cord because I thought I saw a tear roll down her cheek before I'm wrapped in her arms with those soft mountains of flesh against my chest. Boobs so big that you can literally drown in them if you're not careful

Desperately, I try to get the thought of that pair of titties out of my head before I get a boner. That wouldn't be awkward at all.

"Well I should get to class, you should ask her when you're alone together. She'll probably want time to think about it. Then she'll come to me and ask me how I feel about it. I'll tell her pretty much what I told you."

"You are the best, Dave. I'm going to make her so happy!"

"That's why I like you. You make my mom happy. I'll see ya later, Miss Crandell."

"Bye, Dave. Thanks again."

Lunch Time

The first thing I do is look for Nicole. She's got to be here somewhere! There she is. With Anna and Jess, casually making their way down the hall. The minute she sees me her face lights up. "Hey!" she says.

"Hey," I add in a big Dave smile that makes her bite down on that lower lip of hers.

Without even realizing it, I take her hand in mind.

"Soooo," Anna says. "Tomorrow? Are we all going as a pair of cute couples?"

"No..." Nicole says. "Dave can't come."

"Ahhhh! Dave..." Anna moans. "You've got to come!"

As we enter the cafeteria, people stop and look as if they all see a ghost or something.

"This is exactly the kind of thing I wanted to avoid," I sigh.

"Maybe you should make another public service announcement," Anna suggests.

Anna and Nicole fill up a plate as I debate if I'm even hungry enough to eat, while Jess grabs a table. Nicole looks at me with a sense of worry. "Aren't you going to get something to eat?"

"I don't know if I'm hungry."

"You've got to eat, Dave. How about we split lunch?"

"Okay, that sounds good."

After she fills up a plate for the both of us, we grab drinks and head over to the table where Jess is sitting.

She digs in while I sit and watch her eat. She looks at me. "Well? Aren't you going to eat."

"I don't know, I'm just not hungry."

"Come on, Dave. Please? For me?" She holds up a peace of chicken to my mouth. I look into her eyes. Beautiful eyes. My mouth opens without a second thought as she places the crispy chicken between my lips. I take it in my mouth and bite down. The salty seasoning takes over my tastebuds. Eventually, I swallow it down the hatch.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" she asks.

"No... I guess not."

"You two are so adorable!" Anna practically sings.

We both laugh.

"Jess I'm so hungry, will you feed me! Ouh! Maybe tonight, we can cover your private parts in whip cream and I'll lick them clean!" Anna says in such a sultry voice. Jess immediately breaks out in a blush.

Nicole looks at me with those lively eyes. "Do you want me to cover my cock in whip cream for you to lick clean?"

I can't help but smile. She sure knows how to bring out the sun in my shit storm of a life.

"Maybe if you make it chocolate syrup instead."

Nicole smirks. "Deal!"

She playfully feeds me for the rest of lunch. As the bell rings, we kiss before going our separate ways.

Why is it when I'm with her everything else fades away, but when she's gone...

Pain is all I feel.

After School

They lose Friday night's game

I meet up with coach as the rest of the team gets ready in the locker room. "How is everything going?" she asks me.

"Good..."