Almost Like Family Ch. 02

I wanted to say more. Shit, I needed to say more. But... where to even begin?

What the fuck did I do?

Why had I done it?

Did I like it?

Given everything else, did It matter if I liked it?

I mean, at essentially 30 years old, I had a fairly well-developed sense of who I was, what I did, and why I did it. And all that had just in one afternoon been blown up: my idea of myself, me as a man... and me as a husband. This wasn't like me suddenly realizing I liked sushi; I had let another man fuck me in the ass. Fucking goaded him into fucking my ass. Yes... I let another man stick his dick into my nasty, stinking crap hole. And was so turned on that I did the same to him. Yes... I had willingly stuck my dick in another man's nasty, stinking crap hole.

I wasn't drunk, I wasn't high, I wasn't in prison, I wasn't tricked, I wasn't sex starved. I did this.

The only reason I could believe any of this actually happened is that hoo-boy! could I ever feel it, sitting in my car on the drive back home.

Home. What was I going to say when I got home? Jeremy had asked if I wanted to shower up before leaving. I turned him down flat, pointing out correctly that my wife would likely expect me to shower first thing coming through the door, and think it weird if I showered at another guy's place. But also, I just wanted to get out of there. Away from these dangerous choices that blew up everything I believed.

And... my wife. My wife. Had I just cheated on my chosen life partner? In the worst possible way?

Why had I done it? Why had I let myself do it?

I got home, parked the car. It took me... a long time to will myself to get up from behind the wheel and go inside. Hoping--praying--that my wife wouldn't be anywhere nearby. I finally wrenched myself to the door, opened it....

Thank God. I breathed a sigh of relief--I could hear the TV going in the living room. I would have a clear path to our bedroom, and the shower. I popped my head around the corner to greet her. "Hey babe, I'm back!" I called cheerfully. Too cheerfully. Shit. And wait... "babe?" What the fuck was that? I've never called her "babe" in my entire life. Shit. Shitshitshit.

"Did you get Jeremy moved in?" she asked, unfazed.

"Yeah, and now I have to hit the shower. I have an entire day's worth of sweat on me, plus grime from his garage, and the remains of a spilled beer that got all over me." I may have gilded the lily there. Hopefully not too much.

"Ugh, men!" she said dismissively. "Don't bring your man-reek in here, go! Shower! Go!"

I knew she'd respond that way--my girl likes things clean, especially me. Still, I couldn't help but feel bad that on top of everything else, I'd played her just now. God, I was the fucking worst....

Just as I got upstairs to the bedroom, my phone chirped in my pocket. Instinctively I pulled it out.

It was from Jeremy.

"Hey man."

[...]

Never in the history of the world has a such a common, two-word message carried such weight.

Jeremy. My best friend. A guy I had such a... close... connection to. Somehow, that message brought it all home. It wasn't me fucking around with some random guy... it was me fucking around with Jeremy. He was my best buddy. Maybe the best friend I'd ever had. My ride or die friend. And doing... stuff... with him... damn, in the moment, I couldn't deny the absolute exhilaration we had. That connection. The raw emotion. Feeling alive. Our close connection was why it was so incredible. The overwhelming feeling of....

The man just lit a fire in my soul. Even...

Shit. I finished the thought: even... without... the sex....

God. The emotions rolled over me, too fast to keep track of. Jeremy. There is no one else I would have done that for. Done that with. Damn. That was the problem. That all happened... because of Jeremy. The connection we had.

No. I couldn't take that on. I couldn't throw away everything I believed, my whole life. Focus, Trevor... focus! I couldn't deal with this right now. I turned off my phone altogether, and got into the shower. I washed everything away, physically and emotionally, wiping clean the events of the day. Wash it all away. I had to embrace who I knew myself to be. Embrace my life. Embrace my wife.

When I was done, I went back downstairs. My hormones still raging out of control. I focused them. I made a move, and I fucked my wife harder than I ever had before. Right there on the couch. I even did her from behind. Images of drilling Jeremy's ass creeped into my mind while I was doing her, but I savagely knocked them away.

Funny. She ended up saying that was one of our best bouts ever.

I thought... maybe hoped... that that would clear things up for me.

Of course it wasn't that simple.

That night, I was restless. She was sound asleep, next to me. But my mind continued to do cartwheels, again and again. I'm not even sure what I was obsessing about. I drifted into a dream-like fog, but something kept jarring me awake. All the usual ways I'd calm my mind down didn't work. It was....

Fuck it. As men often do whenever we're bored, or tired, or awake, or in need of a release... I decided to rub one out. Our bed made sounds if I started jerking off--experience had taught me this--so I quietly slipped downstairs to my home office and dropped my Jockeys.

Initially I thought I'd bring up some porn.

But as I sat in my chair, the soreness in my ass sparked a different memory. Damn. That feeling when Jeremy's dick broke through. God. Penetration. That... surreal sensation as I felt his shaft move through me. That feeling. Etched in my mind forever. The awakening that followed.

And... damn. That look on Jeremy's face. That expression of raw, unimagined... fire... in his eyes. Another awakening. An awakening matching mine. The fire in his eyes, in perfect time with the fire flooding my body. The scent. His musk, my ass. Fuck.

Reflexively, I ran my fingers behind my balls. Lifting myself up and letting them run across my hairy hole. I was hard as granite, despite the number of times I had cum already that day. The light feel of my fingers' touch. The light brush of my ass hair against my finger. I circled my hole. Remembering. Fuck. Jeremy was so big. Filling me up. Filling me. The look in his eyes, the feel of his hand on my cock, stroking me in time with his thrusts. Just like how I was stoking myself now.

Without thought, I pulled back my finger from my bunghole, raising my hand to my nose. FUUUUUCK. Not even 24 hours ago I would have balked at such an action, fucking decked anyone who suggested it. But that raw scent of ass. Dark and earthy. Raw and masculine. Fucking MAN. Breathing in heavy as I worked my dick. Remembering eating Jeremy's ass. Remembering his unnatural cries, abandoned in utter masculine rejoicing. Man ass. Why had I never realized what a hot spot a man's ass was? What a hot spot my ass was. Why do we shut ourselves off from it? Fuck, this was the rawest expression of masculinity. Why do we deny ourselves this?

I sucked on my finger and rammed it back inside me. A poor replacement for Jeremy's long dick. Digging in. Finger fucking myself in time to my strokes. My dick wet from precum. Pounding it. Pounding it as hard as I could. The violence of man sex. Trying to get that release Jeremy and I had shared. Ramming my pucker. Driving, driving hard for release. Pounding. Fucking needing it. NEEDING IT. POUNDING.

Explosion. My balls pulled tight, my hole clamped down. Every muscle in my body clenching. I saw stars as I blasted cum everywhere. I had to grind my teeth together not to scream. Fuck. Memories of Jeremy screaming as he blew. Me screaming as I blew.... That feeling. Masculine release. Men being Men. That smell of cum.

Cum.

Jesus. I had just sprayed all over my computer keyboard.

Well... it wasn't the first time. I knew what to do.