- Incest/Taboo
- Alpha Male
- Comments
All Comments on 'Alpha Male'
by JohnnyMax
- 28 Comments
Hope you write more of the Family History and how the EX takes it when she finds her Ex-Hubby is Rich and living with his Sisters and Daughter.
You still, and again, have a gift. Though not everyone may approve, those of us who do will want more....I guarantee it!!!
Was okay on the other site where you posted this and it's still just okay. Thought you might have fixed it up a bit.
Does his ex-wife find out, about his sisters and Brenda in the same bed?. Does she try to join the group ,and dump her boyfriend?. Lots of questions , we need answers.Most of all is part 2 in the works ?..........It was a good read...Thanks..LAROC OF AGES
All in all, it wasn't a bad story. It wasn't great, though, either. Character development and details lacked from scene to scene- the sex, in particular, seemed glossed-over and rushed. Everything was so... technically perfect. No challenges, no real growth, no problems... nothing but absolutely perfect luck. While I don't necessarily mind that it ended perfectly, it would have been nice for the main character to struggle some with his new-found wealth and situation. How about nosy neighbors or the locals being a bit wary of and curious about the newcomers? How about having the local sheriff or postman show up unexpectedly to welcome the new family into the area and introduce himself? How about some history about how/why the house was off-the-grid before he bought it?
It's one of those dream-come-true fantasy stories, and I don't mind those at all, but it lacked realism, which made it difficult to identify with ANY of the characters. I gave it a 3/5 vote because of the points mentioned. If there IS a second chapter, I hope you won't be shy about making it into a real story with real challenges. Doing so will require writing a bit longer and a lot more, but I'd rather get engrossed in a story than read the Cliff Notes version of every man's fantasy.
Another point: I noticed the use of the word "Mum" in reference to Mom. The story's setting is clearly in the US and no one uses "Mum" in the States. It's a small thing, really, but it stood out like a neon sign to me.
Your story could have been good but you rushed it. There is a lot of sex but we see NONE so that's dissapointing. And your story is just a shopping list.
not too bad, not a whole lot of real sex and ended like pulling your cock out when your about to cum and squeezing it shut, not worth the effort to fuck.
Good start could use a slower pace but keep them coming Can see lots of adventures coming. Think the ex should end up broke and be made a slave for them.
Good read, not enough detail, yet, hopefully you can fill in the details as the story progresses.
I really appreciate the comments - the detailed feedback is how us writers get better. Damn - I thought I'd found all the "mums" but missed one. Yes I'm a Kiwi trying to write a US located story with US spelling. Getting there.
You are not going to get graphic sex from me, not with super long schlongs and DDs, I prefer my characters to be normal.
Should I bring the ex back in? - I'd prefer not to, as anyone knowing the relationships can cause all sorts of legal problems, not worth it.
Do you really want bad things to happen?, maybe when they go cruising in the gulf .... But I'm not going to kill one of them, violence isn't my turn on.
Part two is planned but is coming slow thanks to RSI/OOS. I've got a humerous story planned about an erotic writer who gets RSI and hires a secretary - a virgin.......
More stories coming and more chapters.
Cheers
Enjoyed reading the story. Maybe a follow-up? Their travels and travails? Maybe sticking it to the ex? The possibilities are endless. Write on!
Can't wait to see where this story goes, so far so very good. Lots of possible story lines like Rob in Arizona and his step daughters. Waiting and dreaming of the possibilities.
Great story, i just love this story. Indeed i can say it is one of my favorites. How about a couple of trips, and more adventures. Congratulations!!!
you have a good story here. i am really interested in finding out what happens later.
I reckon the ingenuity of your plot was worth all of the 5***** I tapped on.
Stop being so specialist you guys, Mum is a perfectly valid description in a bloody large part of the world.
You said you had plenty of adventure where's the rest
ths sounds like a CHEAP copy of another story on here ALMOST IDENTICAL.
I haven't enjoyed a story so much since Robinaz's "A Weekend With Three Angels"! Looking forward to lots of fun with this tale!
This boat thing is ridiculous.
30 footer with twin 450's on a 30 acre lake?
That is so absurd, it's silliness.
That would take about 5 seconds to go around, rather than 5 hours.
sounds like a copy of another story i read here years ago, write your own original stories or nothing stealing is not good.
Big fun.. When do we get the rest of this adventure? At the rate of their involvement we should see second generation involvement. A naked incest harem, what fun
Great story, but where are the following chapters, you reached the cliffhanger and stopped why.