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Click here"I love you, Melanie," I whispered, picking her up in my arms and carrying her up the stairs to my room, pushing the door open.
"I love you, too Evan," Melanie said, as the door closed.
- COMMENTS
I love that Mom has a very hairy pussy. And, she is having deep violent orgasms.
Not bad for a first story. It is one more than I have written. Understand what the critics write but take it with a grain of salt. You have to develop/hone your own style. Frame this story. Continue to write. In 5 to 10 years, pull it out and compare it with your current work. Everybody starts somewhere.
have had their way, and this promising and enthusiastic young writer hasn't contributed any further stories. Happy now, assholes? Here was a very young guy intrigued by the idea of a boy shoving his stiff prick up that wonderful hole between his mother's legs. Bibliomanzer was probably jerking his young prick while he wrote it, probably blows his young balls thinking about boys like him sticking their dick up their own birth canal, their own mommy's cunt. This is the kind of promising new talent we need in the motherfucking community. That community is growing by leaps and bounds, as boys read on the internet the countless fantasies--and real-life experiences!--of guys just like them snuggling their prick up their mother's mommy-twat and emptying their balls in the nature-given receptacle for their warm young semen, their own mother's cunt. And don't forget all the mothers whose slits drip when they look over their boy's fine fit body and especially the big bulge he's got between his legs. Bibliomanzer just wanted to serve this community, with his excellent writing skills and really dirty imagination. And you, assholes, threw cold water on his natural boyish enthusiasm for the best fucking there is--motherfucking.
<p>This was a fair story as your first effort. Unfortunately, you fell into the use of too many overworked cliches and logic lapses. For example, early on you tell us that the mother is on the 'short side' being only 5'8" in height.</p>
<p>She might be short for a basketball player, but she is indeed tall for a woman. Your statement exposed a logic problem. Second, any mention of the size of the son's penis is a turnoff and should be avoided. A penis of 9 and 1/2 inches will hurt the average woman. I would advise you to research the depth of the average vagina. But why mention penis size? Why not spend more time developing the sex scenes?</P>
<p>If you read a number of the better written stories in this genre you'll notice that they avoid mentioning how well endowed the male is and focus instead on 'the how' of the sexual encounter(s).</p>
...yet ANOTHER erotica-writer wannabe!<BR><BR>One word of advice? STOP while you're ahead! For the sake of erotica!!
Good First Story.But try keep *more real*.9 and half inches and she takes all?I had many(i say many!) pussies in my life, and never find a woman capable to take all my six and a half inches to the hilt.Even a big tall woman(five ten) like my current wife.Only a amazon woman can take a monster like that.
Ignore the negative comments. Good first story, let's see how the relationshp develops.
As this is your first story don't give in to negative comments. As you write you will get better at your craft. The naysayers only want a jack-off story. Some of us want more. Please do a sequel and remember the negative reviews. Even they are bad they contain some advice that will help you.
ha,ha,ha,ha if this is your first story please spare us the mercy of a second story......
Holy no-editing batman! a lot of the dialogue seemed contrived. Also, moved ridiculously fast.
Totally surrender herself to him, whatever he wants of her .She could use his youth and stamina and he could have her teach him to please her. It would work for me.
Since when is 5'8" on the short side for women; especially from a 5'11" male? How are her breasts soft if he has never touched them? It is because she runs around the house without a bra in front of her teenaged son? A picture hidden in his underwear drawer? The mother of a teenager would never find that! That's as far as I got. If you don't pay attention to your story, why should I?
"Nine and a half inches"? Get real. "Take me"? Women don't say that. For a story to be enjoyable, the dialogue has to be realistic. When's the last time a 19 year old boy told his mom he's just "thankful to have a loving mother like you"? Never.