Ancient Liberties: American Version

Author's Note: The following is for the Pastiches de Oggbashan Story Event. Seeing as I am not British enough to add to any of his stories, I decided to adapt one for American audiences, the story in question being Ancient Liberties. You can read both stories and see how similar/dissimilar the two are.

I hope it goes without saying that none of the following is supposed to be taken with any hint of seriousness.

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"Brett?"

"Yes Shannon?"

"You're a registered voter of the city of Dallas, Texas, aren't you?"

"Actually, no. I'm the son of registered voters and the grandson of registered voters. Fat luck of good that seems to be now though. I've never bothered to register though, seems there's little point now."

"That's the point, Brett. How many people are the sons or grandparents of registered voters?"

"I don't know, only 40% of the people here. Not enough to make any difference. Even though women can vote now if they wanted to. My great aunt was the first woman in our family to vote and was very active in local politics."

"How could one find out who are the 3rd generation Americans?"

"The last census probably, but even that doesn't account for all the illegals who have wiled their way into a vote. Swastika Larry must know. He has a list of all the noble families for when the upcoming race wars start. He even has a stockpiled cache of assault rifles and grenade launchers when it comes time to defend the blueprints of the constitution."

"Don't you see what I'm getting at? The sanctity of our nation is at stake. What with illegals being able to cross our border at will. Pretty soon Islamic terrorists will be using this breach to spread terror across our once great nation."

"I know. The liberal democrats are just a bunch of pansies that would rather be PC than uphold our national safety. I'm worried about the possibilities for attacks that could occur on independence day. If the terrorists have their way they'll turn a national celebration into a day of remembrance.

"What on independence day? I thought they were just coming across to have kids and to create sleeper cells who will one day vote to destroy our democracy. That's what worries me."

"It would Shannon, because you're an elementary school teacher. You're our only hope in educating our progeny in the right ways of being an American. Me, I'm clinging on to one of the few factory jobs left. And I got to help put up scaffolds for the upcoming celebrations so I know just how liable they are for attack. But the dems won't allow for armored guards because they think it'll detract from everyone's fun. But what's more fun than knowing you're safe?"

"So..."

"So what, Shannon? What's this about?"

"I want to defend America's greatness. So do you for your own reasons."

"But haven't you seen what the democrats are doing to our once great nation? It seems all but hopeless."

"Listen, I think we can take back the government."

"What, through elections? You and I both know the democrats have those rigged. Even if we're able to get a right wing candidate in, the corporations corrupt him right out of the gate."

"If we got the true Americans, I mean the real Americans, like you and I, and asked them to band together and commit the action we must when democracy fails, others would rise up and join our cause."

"Perhaps. Some others must be willing to lay down their lives for such a noble cause. I'm sure the past 8 years will be enough to motivate them to get up and make a final stand for what they believe in."

"The problem is no one's asked them to make that stand. There's no unifying force to bring together these brave men of integrity. And I think we're so far gone that they know if they don't act now there'll be no more America. Some people will call the name offensive and change it, burn all the flags and elect a communist dictator in the name of political correctness."

"So what do you want ME to do? You seem to have a pretty clear mind about what our moves going forward should be."

"I want you to call a meeting for all these True Americans. Those who will embrace their noble lineage and prepare themselves. That'll give us a start."

"Us?"

"Yes Brett, Us. I know I'm just a lady who is ill equipped for any actual fighting, but I can help organize and provide meals for this team. I know I'm not going to be the most use to you but I want to help in whatever way I can."

"I appreciate that and respect that you know your bounds. You'll be of good help in showing the women of tomorrow the proper way forward."

"There's also one other way I want to help you."

"And what might that be?"

"By giving you a night with me if you can call that meeting by Friday."

"That's all the motivation I need."

Shannon kissed me. I enjoyed the kiss but knew greener pastures awaited me. I'd been after a night with Shannon for years now, it's only right that she'd acquiesce herself to me after finally proving myself worthy.

That afternoon I went to Swastika Larry to get that list. I know that allying myself with a Nazi might seem un-American but history is filled with once enemies bending together to become allies to defeat more perilous enemies. Such as when we allied with the French, the British and the Russians.

Before I started calling all the people on that list I went to the statue of Christopher Columbus, the discoverer of America, to help motivate myself. I knew that if I didn't act soon the statue would be brought down and we'd be celebrating a bunch of heathens.

Just then my burner phone started ringing. A monthly plan would be cheaper but this is the only way to keep the government from tracking me.

"Yes?"

"Brett? It's Shannon. You got the list yet?"

"I got it. I'm just about to call all of them up to see who is willing to answer the call that their lineage has made for them. Only time will tell who will abide by their noble heritage."

"You haven't!"

"Yes I have, and now do we have a date?"

"Absolutely and maybe even more if you play your cards right." And play those cards right I will. "Make sure to look sharp for the meeting," she says as she hangs up.

'Blast' I though to myself. I'd need to look like the leader they need me to be if I'm to convince them to follow through. Luckily I think I have the materials I need back at home.

I go to my closet and pull out a Confederate flag hat, to let people know that I support state's rights. A denim jacket that's tough, stylish and comfortable all at once. Cargo pants to show that I'm ready for war. I give my hair another buzz but keep the beard to let them know I mean business.

With all that ready it was time to call each and every number on that list. I got a fair amount, most people were sick of what's happening and were ready to follow me to make a stand. Others asked that I never call them again and hope that for my sake I become more tolerant to the direction this country is taking. Guess the shadow government had gotten to them. It's a pity but I got more than enough people to light the fuse.

I met Shannon at a restaurant in my outfit, The one where Pablo is the waiter because he's one of the good ones. I can't wait to make him an honorary white when the time comes.

"Looking sharp Brett!"

"You like it?"

"It's perfect. People are really going to fall behind you when they see you in that get up."

"I'm glad. This was my father's outfit before me. I'm glad I get to continue tradition while I pay respect to what's made this country so great."

"If only my outfit were as commanding as yours."

"Just show a little skin and they'll concentrate on that instead of what you're wearing."

"Men!"

"What can I say? We love a beautiful lady, which certainly describes you. How else are we supposed to want to procreate without a little eye candy to help assuage us?"

And so it was. When the time came we made our spiel and our fine good ol' boys were more than willing to use their second amendment right to fight for what they believe in. I was shocked at how well the meeting went and how well Shannon's snacks went over. Everyone is incredibly motivated to take action.

To fight for the way of life we all believe in. And show others who believe what we do that now is the time to stand up and join us in our cause, or risk having our rights stripped away from us forever. You know what they say, if you stand for nothing you'll fall for anything. And now is not the time to fall but to rise up against the oppressors.

By the end of next week, we hope to have convinced 5 more chapters to rise up with us. After that we'll go after the banks and halt all the transactions being made until our demands are met. Stop restaurants from serving certain folk. Sometimes it takes an act of war to unite us and though some people may die I'm sure their sacrifices won't be in vain but to allow a new peace to dawn over this great land of ours.

But that is then. For now I've just finished giving Shannon the ol' heave ho if you know what I mean. Really knocked her socks off so to speak. Sex, I'm talking about sex. Gave her some mighty mean thrusts which she seemed to have enjoyed a plenty. After that I came and promptly fell asleep.

And so this Independence day we will rise up and begin a new dawn of this country. We're not about to have some terrorists take over this country, even if it does mean breaking a few rules here and there. We are true Americans who love our land. We should be the guiding forces of our country and not cater to these outsiders who want to take away from our greatness so they can feel more at home. Whatever happens happens, but at least we will know that we did our civic duty to protect our country.

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I hope that my story has not dissuaded anyone of you from checking out other stories for the Ogg event.