Endless Confusion Pt. 01

Preview:

Allana thought she knew everything about Adrian Belleview... He made her fall in love with him, and then was revealed to be using her for information on her father. However, Adrian is determined to make her see that she belongs to him; whatever the cost.

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"You do not want to walk away from me Allana. What about everything we've had together? You're just going to throw it all away?" Adrian bellowed after me as I ran towards the door of his condo.

I didn't look back because I knew that every nuance of his handsome face would be etched with pain and rage. I couldn't go back to him though, because it was all lies. Every word he ever said was a lie and my heart was breaking for it. How I wished I could rewind the day, to when everything was perfect and I was happy, but I couldn't. Now I knew who Adrian Belleview was and nothing could erase what I saw or heard. So I did walk or rather run, away from Adrian in order to protect my heart.

"Allana... Just let me explain!" Adrian demanded in a pain filled voice just as I reached his door. Stopping, I looked over my shoulder and further twisted the dagger embedded in my heart.

"Adrian, I can't forgive you for what I learned tonight. You were just using me! As if that wasn't enough, you made me fall in love with you!"

Turning my head back towards the door, I grabbed the handle and opened it, even as I heard Adrian say behind me, "This isn't over between us, agapi mou. I will win you back." He promised in a determined voice.

I just shook my head and closed the door behind me. Knowing Adrian, he would try to win me back with pretty words and gifts or even just reject my breakup speech. I'm surprised he even let me leave, but I'm glad he did. If I would've stayed for even a second longer, I know he could've convinced me to stay.

"Allana, you can't give in this time. You have to guard your heart or he will destroy it." I whispered to myself with little conviction. I quickly walked down the hall of the condominium, and stared at the elevator but quickly decided against it. Using the elevator would give me too much time to think and so I instead jogged towards the stairwell door. Tears rolled down my face as I walked away from who I thought was the love of my life.

Going down the stairs towards the lobby, I heard my phone ding for an incoming text. I dragged it out of my pocket and saw it was from Adrian. Being the masochist that I was, I read it.

*Agapi tis zois mou. If you will just let me explain, I can fix this!*

[You may be fighting to keep me, but now that I know the truth, I'm not yours anymore. I thought you cared for me, loved me, but it was all a lie. Please just leave me alone.]

Bursting into the lobby of the building, I ran past Carl the doorman, who looked smug, and Sophie the receptionist, who looked concerned. Ignoring Sophie's cries for me to stop and tell her what happened, I shoved open the doors and out onto the bustling street of Fifth Avenue and hurriedly called a taxi. Climbing into the vehicle that would take me away from Adrian, I watched his building as we pulled away. As tears streamed silently down my cheek, I made a silent vow to myself to never believe a word that comes out of Adrian Belleview's mouth again.

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Three months, two days, and 6 hours later...

"Blah, blah, bladdedy, blah..." Okay, so Damen wasn't actually saying that but when your date drones on and on about a stupid numbers documentary, yes numbers, then you kind of lose interest in what he says. I know I'm being rude but this was the worst date I'd ever been on. Then again, no one really compared anymore after... Nope, not gonna think his name. Even though it had been a little bit more than three months since I walked out of Voldemort's (he-who-shall-not-be-named's) life, I hadn't seen him in just as long. I guess he gave up even after he said that he would try to win me back. Then again, I kind of deleted his number and then blocked it.. At the same time though, he could've just come to my apartment (not that I wanted him to). Just as well though, because I obviously had more fish in the sea.

"Allana... You aren't listening are you?" Shaking my head mentally at my sarcastic thoughts, I looked at Damen apologetically.

"I'm sorry, I just..." Trailing off, I tried to come up with something to say. Damen was a good guy, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but he just didn't do it for me. There was no spark like there was with Voldemort. After I got over, or rather stopped crying all the time, Ceru (the nickname I had for Voldemort because of his gorgeous cerulean blue eyes), which took two months out of the three, I started dating again to see if I could find someone who actually wanted me for myself. Every single date that I'd been on, fourteen to be exact, was as the Greeks would say, a adiexodo; dead end. Cursing myself for thinking about anything Greek, I focused, again, on Damen.

"I never had a chance did I?" Shaking his head, Damen signaled to a passing waiter that we were ready for the check. I felt bad as he paid for a dinner I barely ate and didn't enjoy.

Damen was a friend from the veterinary hospital that I worked at, and before he-who-shall-not-be-named, he had asked me out but I was never interested. Why I accepted, I don't know, but I guess I just wanted to end the aching loneliness I felt when I went back to my empty apartment I shared with absolutely no one. Being a vet paid well, but you couldn't buy companionship. Too bad though because I would've gotten myself a five ten, blond haired, brown eyed homebody, the exact opposite of him. He was anything but a homebody, for one, and he had dark curly brown hair and was six two, which only listed half of the attractive attributes he had, the rest being Voldie's personality. Stop! Cursing myself for thinking about him, again, I looked at Damen and attempted to fix what I damaged.

"Damen, I really am sorry." I offered as we walked out of the upscale restaurant named Gotham Bar and Grill. It was the first time I'd been there and I honestly didn't enjoy it. I'm more of a beer and hamburger person than a grilled branzino, what I had tonight, anyway. Why guys try to impress women by flashing how much money they have with fancy dinners and expensive hobbies is beyond me. Give me a Disney movie marathon day filled with cuddling compared to spending more than a G in one day on shopping or other meaningless things.

"It's fine, I just wish that you would've told me that you weren't interested when I asked you out. I know that you and Adrian broke up a couple months ago but I at least thought that I had a chance now that it's been awhile." Sucking in a deep breathe at the pain that name inspired, I felt myself shut down. When things hurt me, my brain cuts itself off of my emotions and I go numb without fail. Well, except that night. The mental scissors were nowhere to be found to offer me relief from learning that I was just a pawn on someone else's chessboard.

Seeing that he hurt me by mentioning my ex, Damen started apologizing but at that point I just didn't care anymore. Thankfully and blissfully, I might add, he shut up and took me home. Saying goodbye with a sad smile, I took the elevator up to my apartment. I dug my keys out of my bag and started walking down the hall to my door. My life sucks. Why can't I just have one lovely date without any thoughts of him? When I reached 3F, I stilled because on my door there was a note in shiny black handwriting.

*We need to talk. Meet me at Balzem at 8:00 tomorrow night. I don't like the way things ended between us and I need to explain what went down. I know you don't trust me right now but just give me the benefit of doubt until I can prove to you that I actually care for you.*

-A

Scoffing to myself at the audacity of Ceru, I ripped up the note. He thinks that he can just waltz back into my life after three months and attempt to explain what I already understood? Well I can tell you where I am going to be tomorrow night and it will be anywhere but that bar.

After angrily unlocking the door, I walked into my apartment and fed Lecka, my Dutch Shepherd. Rubbing her soft ears, I left her to eat and started to get ready for bed. Now that I'm over the shock at Voldemort's attempt at contact after so many months, I can hardly believe it, but I'm actually thinking about going. While I brushed my teeth, I thought up pros and cons of seeing my ex and the man that I once thought I would marry.

Pro: We could lay our relationship to rest and I could stop thinking about what we had. Con: I would have to see him. Pro: I could see his stunning face one last time. Con: *I would have to see him.* No matter what pros I came up with, the only cons I could think of was that I would have to see him, and that I would relive the memory of learning that the love of my life just used me to earn information for leverage on my jackass father. Shaking my head at the ridiculousness of my situation, I climbed into bed and tried to sleep, still battling my thoughts.