Hands of Clay Ch. 24

Outside Keith's office, Clay waited for Brice. He paced and paced some more. Abdul and Janis took Zac to interrogation with Karma following. After a few minutes, Rea appeared and chased after his bloodthirsty wife.

Clay could have been walking back and forth for minutes or years. He didn't know. The whole time his stomach felt like he'd eaten a cement brick. He kept telling himself that this would be okay, but he didn't believe that lie. Brice was furious at him. If they had been in a better place before this happened, maybe Clay wouldn't have been so worried, but they were not exactly on solid ground before this disaster.

On some level, Clay was sure they could survive anything, that their connection to each other was larger than this lie, but at the same time, he had witnessed firsthand how stubborn Brice could be.

"Clay." Abdul appeared in the hall. "We got paperwork to do. What are you doing?"

"I want to talk to Brice."

"Do it later."

"No." Clay shook his head. Abdul rolled his eyes.

The door opened, and Brice stepped out. He took a sweeping glance at Abdul, still standing at the end of the hall, and then swiveled to Clay. Without a word, he started to walk away.

"Come on." Clay snatched Brice's bicep before he could make it down the hall. "Talk to me."

"Now you want to talk?" Brice growled.

"I'm sorry, but I promised Keith."

"You could have told me." Brice shoved off Clay's hand. "You know you could have."

"Brice, I'm so--"

"I got it. You're sorry. Fine." Brice took a deep inhale. "It's fine. I'm fine." That wasn't a good sign. When Brice started to say "fine" a lot, he didn't mean fine at all. "Goodbye, Agent Wicks."

"That's it?" Clay sputtered. They had been together for weeks, and Clay couldn't believe that those three words were the end to everything. They had to work it out. They must.

"Affirmative, Agent," Brice snapped. "That's it. I told you from the start. You were aware that the second those gears were on your wrist, we were finished. You lied like all the other agents. This is why I don't date people like you. You're like the rest of them." Brice crossed his arms over his chest. "The rules don't apply to you, and you don't care whose heart you crush. Goodbye, Agent Wicks."

"That not true." Once again, Clay grabbed Brice's arm, but again, he shoved him off. "I love you." Clay sputtered. "Please, let me explain."

"Forget it." Brice backed up. "You got your partner, Abdul, to hold at night." He pointed at the agent in the hall. "And you got your great career ahead of you. You got skills and gifts, and you and I both know there was an expiration on this mission from the start. You don't need me. You never did. This time it's over. Over."

"We can try again." Clay inhaled. "Let's pretend we just met. It can be like the top floor. We can start there."

"It's not worth it. You're not worth it."

Brice marched down the hall and disappeared. He was gone from Clay's life a second time.

Clay stood as if pinned to the floor. His whole body shifted like giant stones had gathered and then were dropped on his chest. He might throw up. The last time he felt this way was when he thought Brice died, except this time the crushing pain was worse, and he couldn't light H.S.P.C. on fire.

"Go after him." Abdul came to Clay's side.

Clay shook his head as words deserted him. What could he say? And he knew at this point explanations would be of no use. He knew that Brice thought Clay had lied to him and made him into a fool. He used him like all the other agents. Clay couldn't change Brice's mind. He didn't even know how to do that. He'd fucked this up big time.

"Clay," Abdul said quietly. "Why didn't you tell him that you were an agent? We crossed off Brice from our suspect list right from the start. You could've trusted him. Keith loves Brice."

"I thought about telling him so many times, but Brice said he would never date an agent again. As long as he assumed I was a recruit, I thought I could have more time with him. I thought if I kept lying that sooner or later, he would love me, and then--" Clay stared after Brice, hoping the man would turn around and come back.

"And then what?"

"And then I'd tell him that I was a fully trained agent, and he would forgive me. I wanted him to see that I was more than just part of the H.S.P.C. machine. I wanted him to see that we belonged together."

Clay kept staring down the opposite side of the hall. Now what? He supposed he would get his pack and leave. Maybe in a few years, Brice would finally forgive him. He wasn't sure if that would ever happen, but some tiny part of him held the flame of hope.

"Are you staying at HQ?" Abdul asked him.

Clay didn't answer. Staying at headquarters had been the plan from the beginning, but now everything changed. When Clay first got to HQ, he was offered a job as a trainer for a program Keith was putting together to hone individual gifts. Now the idea of taking the position had him feeling sick. Would Brice consider his post change more lies? Would they pretend they didn't know each other every day at work? That would be God-awful.

"You promised Butch you would get out of the field and take care of the girls more," Abdul spoke when Clay stayed silent. "He's worried about the girls growing up without one of you around."

"I still plan to keep my promise to Butch." Clay began to walk in the opposite direction of Brice. He would need to gather his pack and pick up his gears bracelet before he left. "I'm letting Gavin take my place as Butch's partner. I still plan to take care of my sisters. I want to look after them more."

"But not here?" Abdul fell into step next to him.

"I don't think I can stay here. I think I'll go back to my home water base. I can get a job with the medics."

"Heart in a rock-crushing machine?" Abul asked.

"Yeah."

"That was brutal. I'm sorry, Clay."

"Not as sorry as I am."