All Comments on 'Holly and Snowflakes Pt. 01'
by greeneyedvirgin
- 6 Comments
Looking forward to your story as you tell us this one is "to be continued."
Couple of "depth gaps" that are pulling on the edge of my brain. What about his parents? What role did his former in-laws play as his marriage imploded? I would expect a funeral scene for his daughter at a minimum. Where did all his money come from - certainly not from being a cop? Why did her relationships not last? You hint around it but nothing revealed so far would drive men away. Does she have any siblings? 4.5* for now...
Love your writing style. Love the pace and thorough descriptions. I am a big fan of all your stories. Looking forward to more chapters in this story.
Mostly I like the story and how Holly and Gabe relate to each other. Did I miss some discussion of birth control? It would be out of character for Gabe, at least, to not clear this up very early on.
Also… just too many words. I was actually getting bored by the end. I expect I’ll read part 2 for their romance, but I’m sure I’ll be skimming through the sex by the end. Suggestion: count how many times you repeat phrases ( like “blood filled”). If you’re running out of ways to say something, maybe you’ve said it enough?
The dialogue and just how the characters relate to each other easily carry the story, however.