Impact & Emotion

This is my fifteenth contribution to:

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Preface

This subject deserves much more than a 750 word treatment, so view the following as more of a teaser for a longer essay about my experiences.

BDSM used to be a significant part of my sex life. It was never everything, nor even a majority of sessions, but it was something I enjoyed periodically. I did this one-on-one, and as part of a relatively small group, with the same core members. I never subscribed to anything like FetLife, and I never hooked up solely with strangers. Frankly that sounds as scary as fuck.

My experience was therfore kinda insular. Based on reactions to my writing, and also reading other people's stories, I think I'm an outlier compared to many. What I did was Bondage and bit of Masochism, without so much of the Domination and Sadism vibe*. One element was restrained sex. The other was impact play. I was mostly restrained for this as well -- restrained as in tied up, or cuffed, or, if you are feeling Gothic, chained -- but I won't focus on these details, it's the actual impact play that I plan to cover.

What is impact play? It's striking someone, with your hand, or with implements. The implements come in a wide variety: floggers, paddles, crops, canes, whips (or pseudo-whips) etc. The striking is intended to hurt, but also to stimulate sexually. It's pleasure via pain. I want to try to explain what thoughts and emotions I experienced during this activity.

It's complicated. There are many variables. Who am I with? How heavy is the session likely to be? Are there any other fetish elements? How many people are involved? What gender? Am I blindfolded? How am I restrained? Can I move at all? Where on my body are they going to focus, or is it everywhere? Am I going to be fucked or face-fucked, as well? Will there be other stimulation (e.g. a vibrator, or nipple clamps, or clothes pins?) The intensity and focus of emotions can change as these factors do. I'll aim to cover some common elements, rather than differences.

First there is anticipation. With a blindfold or hood, this can almost be scary. But sometimes seeing is also intense. Seeing exactly what is planned for you. I get incredibly aroused, but also nervous. In fact the nervousness heightens the arousal, they mingle.

Let's assume I'm with a single, regular partner, who knows me well (I didn't do impact play with strangers, save in a group where I knew everyone except for a couple of newbies). If they are using a tool we have used before, then there isn't so much uncertainty. But they could use it in a different way. I never said in advance, "just my ass" or "just my breasts." I wanted an element of the unknown.

If it's a new implement, then there is extra frisson. How much will it hurt? How much can I take? What will it feel like? I've urinated with those kinds of questions racing through my overactive mind. Overactive is what it is. You don't have chilled impact play. It's on the edge, seeing how far they can push you, how much you can take.

The first impact is always a shock. It's real, not a game. It takes your breath away. You often feel like doubling over, but can't. You may not even be able to vocalize that much if gagged. And it hurts, it really hurts. The pleasure lies beyond the pain. You have to get through it, to focus it, to embrace it.

If the session is all one type of play, then you get a bit Zen. Until your skin gets so raw that it hurts even more than at the beginning. If it's varied: some blows on your breasts, some on your thighs, on your ass, your pussy, maybe you get your face slapped, then you are always guessing, always in a heightened state.

It's when you begin to breathe through the pain, to focus it internally, that the orgasms come. I've cum from just impact, but if you also get a burst from a Hitachi, then it's total fireworks. You have this feeling of being used, but that you let yourself be used, not that it's forced on you. It's really overwhelming.

And afterwards. You have the aching and burning commingling with orgasmic aftershocks, and it feels like you are made of fire, not flesh. You glow. And the restorative cuddles are so warm, so tender. You feel so special.

I'm not sure my words can do it justice. It's a truly elevated state, and not like anything else I have ever experienced.

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* Opinions vary as to the acronym: Bondage, Discipline, Submission and Masochism and Bondage, Dominance, Sadism and Masochism (or SM standing for SadoMasochsim) are a couple of interpretations.