All Comments on 'Louise and the Huns Ch. 01'
by KSweetums
- 6 Comments
Please put a tag warning others about scat . Nice story but fould have been a 4 except for the talk about scat
Agree with toy4. The story suffers because of the scat and writing goes bad when variations of the s word are used instead of proper writer's phrasing, such as emptying her bowel and and unnecessary description of stains over and over. The other weak point is the lack of detail on the why. Must the reader wait a few chapters until finding out? But keep writing! Also, the woman does not ask the old lady about why she is her and other whys?
First of all, thanks to you both for your writing encouragement. I assure you that I remain undaunted by your constructive criticism, and I will continue my attempts, as Michel de Montaigne would say.
A woman is horribly abused in this chapter, and everybody is complaining about the poo. Interesting. Gives me an idea for an NC story in a hospital. No, wait, there's poo there too. In my defense, realism. This is an absolutely disgusting and dingy place. It's not like I glorify or dwell on the s-word or the material it describes here. People don't juggle it, for gosh sakes. Maggot prepares Louise's asshole for use in a pretty standard fashion here. Also, resulting slight mess is predictable. Also, the room she's in has a history. Poo is a thing that happens around critters, including humans. Ever heard the term "scared shitless?" There's truth in that. Also in the other direction. Look up the term "spend a penny" if you don't believe me.
As for Louise not asking about her plight, remember the Maggot's severe tone and the cattle prod on her hip? Terror has a way of having questions catch in your throat. Personal experience talking here.
I'm unsure whether there's an interest in more chapters. Thus, I've presently been focusing on other stories that are also unfinished. If you want more chapters of this story, please let me know in the comments.
Or Maggot will start training Louise into pleasurizing a woman! And Louise would have to start changing her attitude towards lesbians which would entail accepting a new hairstyle they prefer and become totally submissive to Maggot including admitting to all her sins to lesbians in high school, some who might be belonging to the Club. She would have to ask for forgiveness and work harder to create tearful sincere apologies to each woman while accepting their discipline.