All Comments on 'Masculinity Lost'
by Cdslavejessie
- 28 Comments
Like the buildup... like the story.. left me in the wrong place. Maybe a second part coming? Series? Just needs more
Overall it was good story
I would love her to get him drunk and get incriminating 'evidence' (including the text he sent to John), maybe trick him into her panties, and peg him tonight, then blackmailing him into crossdressing where on Thursday he gets fucked by or gives a blowjob to John, with her there videoing it. Culminating in her arranging for the entire frat pulling a train on Danny at the party.
Not very original, don't you think? It comes across as a string of super stereotypical story lines from every story posted here in literotica. Small framed guy, check. Handsome college boy, check. Drunken Frat party, check. Gym boy confusion, check. Ex girlfriend revenge, check. Halloween party dressed as a hot chick, check. Straight stud turns him on, check. I mean unless you're trying to write a parody or see how many stereotypes you can put into one story this is not very interesting. On the bright side you writing style is very good.
The mistaken text is a real stretch and a straight guy is going to fix that before worrying about being late for an ex girlfriend. I liked the intro about leaning on real things and not magic, but in reality a guy would straighten out the confusion priority one.
A great first story, looking forward to Dani, Jessica and John's adventure continues.
Thank you all for the comments so much! It means a lot you guys are reading my silly little fantasy story! And I really do appreciate the constructive criticism too. Yes, there are some out there elements, but I try to remain in the realm of realism. No magic or body transfers. Just good ol fashion crossdressing (and maybe some surgery/hormones down the line). I know some things are a stretch, ie the text mishap, and I could have done it better but it’s my first story and I’m just a silly little sissy girl lol I’ll try to be better I promise :)
Thank you all and please please please keep commenting and even messaging me :) love you all boys and girls and gurls!
Xoxo Jessica
Loved reading the first part. Perhaps the next few texts to John from Dani's phone could be from Jessica since she would know Dani's phone unlock pattern/code
I love this start, maybe Danny and Jessica can go to the party as bat man and cat woman, but loose a beer pong bet and have to swap costumes.... then John turns up!
Interesting start but the text error is very weak. I think the story would be stronger without it, perhaps let Jesssaica set him up ()revenge is sweet)
I'm sensing a setup from Jessica and John... Can't wait for more and keep up the good work Jessie ;)
For your first story, I thought it was well written and look forward to more of Dani.
Writing in the 3rd person robs the story of the protagonist emotional and physical experience. Thus removing the readers opportunity to imagine themselves in their place and relate to those feelings.
Hair removal creams have never been effective for me or anyone I know. But like Sweetbobbi said, the text error seems rather contrived.
Sewblon, hair removal cream has worked for me! Sorry it didn’t work for you. I know it’s not the most effective but there’s a little suspension of disbelief in some stories. Not going for a NY times best seller lol but I do appreciate your feedback! And I know the text error was wonky and not good writing but it was my first chapter of my first story! You can spank me later for it ;)
Great starting story! It’s brave to write one on here. Most of the people commenting have never even attempted a story especially the haters so don’t listen and just do as you do! I have just started to wear panties and love how they feel on my smooth legs and ass. I hope to see this in the next few chapters. However, I just can’t make up my mind on wether to continue this way. I love wearing them out in public though. It’s a thrill to know I have them on especially the pink thongs! I’m not really sure what step to take next. Anyway, I see there are a lot more chapters to read and please keep writing! You have a real talent!!! The start of this series is hot! I hope you see this comment.
Liking the story, only criticism is the whole bubble butt, the way you describe the main character and small penis. A cliche of every feminization story
Thursday at the bar... our heroine is going to have so much fun... Such a lovely story Jesse, I can't wait to read more...
Up until he accidentally confirmed his femininity in the text, it was semi believable.