Mondo and Mulholland

CHAPTER 1

Newly establishing business security consultant Rivers Mulholland opened the door to his renovated rented office and saw a rat scuttle away. Not an auspicious start but a change after twelve years in the Military Police Corps. The rats he'd dealt with there were two-legged and shifty-eyed if enlisted personnel, steady-eyed if they held officer rank but nevertheless still rats.

He'd advertised in that morning's newspaper he'd set up and business and waited for responses. Rivers had his feet up on his desk, his laptop unopened and none of his pencils sharpened when just before 10:00 he received his first call.

Putting down his coffee mug and picking up a blunt pencil, Rivers slid his cell phone open and pulled back his shoulders, pleased to be in business. "Good morning. Rivers Mulholland speaking."

"I'm Mae, Major Rose's ex-wife."

"Greetings Mae, stabilized in civilian life I hope?"

"Yes thank you but I'm on my own. I was fired on Friday because the business is going bust. I happened to see your advertisement and knew no one else in the world would be called Rivers Mulholland so am calling, asking about a job."

"I only opened my door for business an hour ago, have no clients and no cash flow."

"How long would I have to work without pay?"

"Six weeks."

"Haven't you capital behind you?"

"Not much. I have kept aside a thousand bucks to tide me over in my personal life for the time being."

Mae sounded disappointed when she said, "Oh."

A smart guy can tell a lot about a woman from her ohs. Rivers considered himself smart. He waited.

"I guess you remember me -- tall, brunette with the type of body men ogle."

"I remember you as being tall and brunette, aged about thirty-five."

"Oh very intelligent but lying. I bet you ogle."

"Guilty."

"Okay I'm agreeable to work for you for six weeks before you pay me."

"Really?"

"Yes and do you live alone?"

"Yes," Rivers said cautiously, wondering if the stupid bitch wanted to move in with him to save rent.

"In that case do you mind if I move in with you if you are in suitable accommodation? Two can live cheaper than one and I'll share everything."

"Everything?"

"That comment is unbecoming for a gentleman Mr Mulholland.

"A minute ago it was Rivers?"

"A minute ago you were a gentleman."

"Touché Mae. Please accept my apologies."

"Accepted Rivers. May I inspect the premises to decide their suitability?"

"Okay. Go to 33 Galway Street. It's a big block of small apartments. Just ask at the manager's office for the key. I'll call now and authorize it being handed over."

"You trust me to be alone in your apartment?"

"You were an officer's wife Mae."

"Ah yes, until you and your pals busted my husband when I ratted on him for selling off army equipment."

The thirty-two year old blond with an athletic build said, "That was a big decision you to made Mae but it exposed a huge sting. We all had nothing but admiration and respect for you. I hope this works out."

Mae sighed and said life could be such a bitch. "We were all happy in the army."

"I wasn't."

She laughed and said once she began to suspect her husband was a crooked she hadn't been happy locked into army life with him. "Oh I have reverted to my maiden name of Mono."

"Gee, I can't visualize you being a maiden."

The call was terminated abruptly.

More than an hour later Rivers took his second call of the day.

"Hi, I'm calling from your apartment. It's totally unsuitable for me."

"Too bad. I did indicate it was small."

"There is only one bathroom and only one bed. For goodness sake Rivers."

He sighed and pulled a hair from his nose. "Well don't forget to hand back the key."

"Rivers, wait. There appears room for negotiation."

"What, I sleep on the balcony and use the laundry tub as my bathroom?"

"Oh, I never thought to that. I was thinking you could get a larger apartment."

Rivers scowled and said he'd not think of that until he was creaming in income. "Sleeping with me doesn't mean we have to fuck and I won't mind your stockings hanging in the bathroom."

"Please don't use that foul word."

"What's wrong with stockings? Oh you wear those awful pantyhose things?"

"No I meant the F-word."

"You're hearing things. I don't use the F-word to a lady."

He caught the giggle. Well if she'd said she'd heard it she wouldn't be a lady, would she?

Rivers invited her to negotiate. He 'heard' her rehearsing the words.

"I am prepared to sleep with you, have sex with you, share my bathroom with you. Share everything."

"Are you that desperate?"

"Yes I have nothing but money... no job, no friends and a lecherous landlord."

"Lecherous you say?"

"Dangerously so."

"I'm coming right over to collect you to vacate your apartment."

"Oh would you Rivers? It's only a room but I am paid up two weeks in advance."

As soon as Rivers saw Mae she took his breath away. He remembered her well, every curve in fact but she'd fill out away from army food and looked just great, magnificent in fact.

"You are ogling."

"I was attempting to determine what has changed."

"I've gone from a B cup to D. It's because of this ghastly civilian food, presented in such a way one finds it impossible to resist."

"What are your thighs like?"

"The damn things have filled out... excuse me, why are you being so personal?"

"You started it."

"I did not. You began by ogling."

"Excuse me, you began it by eating extra and undesirable rations by eating out instead of cooking."

"There are no cooking facilities in my room."

"There we go; it's the room that's to blame."

Mae said, "How the hell did we come to that conclusion? You've manipulated me."

"How do I look to you Mae?"

"Um, better than I remember," she whispered.

"Oh shucks, thanks Mae. Now let's wrench your advance in room rent from this jerk."

* * *

The weasel landlord had a moustache. Rivers cuffed to Mae and holding her behind him, held out his old military police ID. "Miss Mondo here made a complaint to us that you were making suggestive advances to her but when I checked her record I found she had been due back from leave three days ago so I'm arresting her. Unless you cooperate I'll forward her complaint to city police. I'd expect them to find a lot of things here that will interest them when they raid this joint."

"Police... a raid? Um I'll cooperate fully and refund all of this week's rent as well."

"No thank you, just the rent that is paid in advance as from midnight tonight. I'll sign for it. It will go towards the cost of keeping her in the stockade."

"Oh I like the thought of that," said Slimeball, rubbing his hands.

Rivers uncuffed Mae in the room to allow her to pack. He looked into her green unwavering eyes and leant forward to kiss the lush lips. As he was almost touching flesh he noticed her eyes had closed. That gave his heart quite a stir knowing she had no objection and wanted to kiss him properly.

"You slimeball, you stole that kiss," she smiled as they broke away.

The landlord had the money ready for Rivers who countered it and signed for it, signing his name as A.J. Smith.

"Good luck to you baby. I'll think of you in the stockade tonight with those scum pawing over your body."

Mae temporarily forgot she was a lady. "Yes I can imagine you doing that, trying to find your tiny dick to jerk it."

"Officer, arrest that woman," yelled Mr Slimeball, pounding the counter in anger.

In the car Mae said, "Getting my advance rent back like that was illegal, wasn't it?"

"Technically yes, but a right-thinking judge would see it our way, imposing the payback period as from midnight tonight, but he or she would then probably do us for extracting money by false pretenses, that being a perfect example of that charge, pointing out you were required to give two weeks' notice."

"So we are criminals?"

"Technically yes but not so until a case is proven against us in court. You did superbly by mentioning the size of your landlord's dick -- he'll not have us tracked down to bring a case against us in fear of being ridiculed by your allegation when given in evidence of the conversation between you two."

"Oooh, I'm so clever. Take me home and I'll reward you for making this a clean exit from that lousy establishment."

"No, we'll go back to work and set you up. We'll count this as a full working day."

"I'll pay you to take me back to the apartment to attend to me."

"That is a dishonorable suggestion Mae and I can think of other ways you could put your money to better use."

"Oh sorry. That was the little bit of slut I have in me just showing its face."

Rivers patted her thigh and said, "Apology accepted. Now be a good girl. Great breast line."

"Oooh, do you think so?"

As Rivers was unlocking the office door, the guy he'd nodded to passing them on the stairs returned and pointing to the 'Back in 5 Minutes' sign said, "I've waited for almost half an hour."

Rivers said, "I apologize. We were solving a rent recovery case involving a shifty landlord."

"Were you successful?"

"Yes."

"In that case I don't mind I was kept waiting."

"Thank you Mr..."

"Pagnini."

"Thank you Mr Pagnini. This is my associate Miss Mondo."

The young man who nodded to Mae and then ogled.

Mae said severely, "Yes Mr Pagnini?"

"Er, guys please call me Franco. Our family restaurant is being robbed."

"Call the police," Mae said.

"In what way are you being robbed?" Rivers asked.

"We pay for more food than we receive from suppliers."

"Ah, so the loss is occurring before the food is on your premises?"

"We don't know. Why does you office have only one desk and chair?"

"Because we just opened for business this morning Franco. You please take the chair."

"No, no. The beautiful lady must take the chair. I'll watch her legs as she crosses them."

"Mae is old enough to be your mother Franco."

Franco said "No, No" while Mae's withering look theoretically decapitated Rivers. She remained standing by the chair.

"Mae, here are my car keys. Please go to an office supply warehouse and order everything you believe we require to run an efficient office with delivery by 8:00 pm today. You pay and I'll reimburse you. Then go somewhere and lease a computer and printer that will satisfy your requirements to perform our office work when you are not out in the field assisting me."

"Yes boss."

As she left Franco said, "Bye Mae. Amazing legs."

Rivers expected her to demolish Franco with sarcasm. Instead she smiled at him beautifully and said, "Why thank you Franco. That's the best compliment I've received all day."

Jealousy ripped at Rivers' throat. He checked that Mae had his phone number, locked the office and reminded her to get a key cut for her and handed over the keys.

"Right Franco, take me to a coffee shop near your restaurant. Who's in charge?"

"I am."

"What about your father?"

"Oh yeah, him too."

"And your mother?"

"Yes, her too."

"Good call them now and ask them to meet you at the coffee shop. Say nothing about this investigation until they get there. We don't want your other people to know an investigation is in progress."

Two hours later Rivers arrived back at the office to find Mae at her new desk working on setting up her desktop computer to her liking. They now had bookshelves and filing cabinets.

Rivers kissed her casually and said good work and was told the two sofas, coffee table, coffee maker and crockery plus printing paper and other stationery were due within the hour.

"I've also won a $800 contract to go back tomorrow to advise the company on it's computer systems and the insecure state of its company and client paper records. An overnight fire would put the company out of businesses. They are still using Windows 3.1 and backing up on to floppy disk and keeping them in a box under the desk for god's sake and company records are stored against a wall in cardboard boxes."

"Well go to it gal; spend as much time as you require with them tomorrow. I've won a $2000 contract to investigate the Pagnini's family restaurant's very expensive shortfall between what is supplied and what is served to customers and what goes out in substantial waste. The family doesn't want to believe people on the payroll are making off with meat, seafood and bulk vegetables such as frozen peas, broccoli and sacks of potatoes. When I asked the son and his parents to identify suspects they threw their hands up and said all the people were extended family and they trusted them."

"Well, people who appear honest can rob you Rivers."

"I know and keep an open mind but my suspicion is the loss is a paper fraud."

"How do you figure that?"

"It appears too systematic to be food removed from the premises occasionally. I have secured copies of delivery dockets that were checked out on delivery and invoices with duplicates of the signed delivery dockets."

He placed the two cartons of documents on his desks.

"God it will take you a week going through that lot."

"Possibly. But it you offer to help we could have it cracked by midnight if my suspicions are correct. What I haven't told you is the head of family says if I... er... we manage to solve the crime he will pay me... er... us a $4000 bonus."

"Marvelous. Yes I'll burn the midnight oil with you. I'll get take-outs and coffee."

"As soon as we can draw on the check you bank for your contract you may withdraw it as part of your salary."

"What is my salary?"

"I was thinking $55,000 for starters and see where we go once we are really up and running. You worked in army admin as a civilians so some of your skills will count here."

"Only $55,000?"

"I had been thinking $32,000 but you have already demonstrated you can pull in business."

"May I ask what is your salary?"

"You can ask but you will not be told. I will take drawings of a maximum of $20,000 p.a. until I get established."

"May I ask how much capital is available for the business?"

"Fifteen thousand dollars. You will have blown a hole in that today."

"What say I take drawings of a maximum of $20,000 p.a. until you raise our maximums equally and in return I invest $15k for a legally established partnership, the agreement being you serve as the managing partner for the first twelve months?"

"Are you attempting a takeover?"

"No, I'm attempting to establish a business partnership with someone I could come to like."

"Oh. So if you get a husband out of this it's a bonus."

"Husband or loving partner it doesn't matter to me."

"Oh."

A grin ran around Mae's lips. "Caught you by surprise and overwhelmed you have I?"

"No. I'll attend to the legal work. You just have your check ready."

Mae laughed. "A bit more enthusiasm and exhibition of gratitude would be appreciated but then I'm also been caught by surprise. This partnership just leaped into my head."

Rivers sniffed. "Well here are your guys with the goods. Organize them please and then organize our take-outs. Petty cash is in the chocolate box in my top right hand drawer. I'm starting on these invoices and delivery dockets."

By the time Mae arrived to help and carrying take-outs Rivers had the invoices sorted by suppliers in piles and had delivery dockets handed to the restaurant at the time in similar piles.

"I'm ready to start as soon as we've eaten."

"You didn't say what food you wanted Rivers; I had to guess."

"You didn't ask. I hope it's not those little pieces of chicken in batter shit?"

"No, you have steak fried rice and I have grilled chicken slices with salad. I got you a beer and I have water."

They ate away. The food was fine.

"Will you really let me fuck you tonight?"

"You have been so kind to me Rivers it will be a case of me fucking you."

He grinned. "You used the f-word."

"I did not. Are you going to call a lady a liar?"

"Oh god."

"What."

"My mind has just made a breakthrough. The duplicate delivery dockets from one of those suppliers doesn't have the printer's imprint in red at the bottom of the document. It's in black. That suggests they are forgeries. I think we've cracked it. I didn't appear to register the difference but my mind did and I've just seen it when my mind was on playback a couple of minutes when we weren't talking."

"Oh Rivers, magnificent work. We've finished eating, let's check it out."

They checked it out. The suspected fake docket attached to the invoice in each instance was for about 10% more product than what was actually delivered and checked out as being correct with the order.

"Look at the signature on the fake duplicate." Rivers said. "The signature of the receiving person has been scanned poorly and added to the fake duplicate before it was printed out and then guillotined to the regular size of delivery dockets. We've identified the problem and now it's over to the family to seek redress. The police should be called in."

Mae asked thoughtfully, "Will they want to pay you the bonus since you solved this so quickly?"

"I would think so. Our work has stopped the rot. I'll have to tell them first thing in the morning. Insurance will probably cover our fee and bonus anyway and the insurance company will probably attempt recovery of thousands of dollars in fraud. This has been a good day for us."

"Come to mommy and kiss these darling," Rivers' business partner said to him, pulling her dress off her shoulders and pulling down her bra.

Rivers pushed her chair two feet back in his rush to get at them.

It was just a little taste what was to come. They drove home, both yawning and the inevitable happened -- Rivers went to sleep while Mae fluffed around cleaning the bench and the bath and bathroom basin. She didn't get around to unpacking because Rivers had gone to sleep instead of clearing her some space.

She sighed, removed her earrings and clothes and fluffed around in the bathroom some more before going to bed and groaning, "You unromantic devil." At that point Rivers may have been dreaming about receiving the New Businessman of the Year Award from a handsome young man who winked at him slyly, leading to Rivers racing to the door and driving off in horror.

But it could only get better for them. Rivers was shaken awake in the morning to hear a lilting, "Come to mommy and kiss these darling," as his new business partner, nude beside him, leaned over and kissed his closest eye.

"Oooh, is all that for me," Mae said graciously, because what was in Rivers' hand was of modest proportions. However, later under her capable administrations it grew a little more.

"Good morning darling," Rivers yawned. "Is it time for sex?"

He had to lunge to hold her back in bed as she seethed, "Does a girl have to do all the work?"

Mae surrendered graciously with a big smile and allowed herself to be exploited, with River's third finger already jammed up her and a big paw squeezing a breast.

"Oh help, I'm been held captive," she groaned, reaching for him.

They wallowed in it like happy pigs, complete with grunting.

"You could have showered beforehand," she said, wrinkling her nose and removing a wad of semen off her stomach with a towel she'd brought hopefully to the bedside late the previous night.

River's flipped out of bed, stretched facing her, and watched where her eyes went. He then sniffed in her direction and she said in alarm, "What?"

"Who did you say needs a shower?"

"You beast," she yelled, scrambling out of bed. But too late, he had a big start and was already in the bathroom locking the door and whistling, 'Hello Dolly'.

She laughed and went and made coffee.

Rivers emerged from the shower holding a boner but Mae, smiling, shook her head and said, "Not now. We have a business to run. We have sofas at the office we can use during rest periods," she smiled.