Mrs. Constance W...'s Letters 05

The names and addresses have been changed to protect reputations of the descendants.

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37 Orange Plank Road
A..., North Carolina
The LORD's Day
June 1, 1862

Mrs. Constance W...
Hazel Park
E..., Virginia

Dear Connie,

I fear for us all in this awful war. We are much agitated at the news from Tennessee concerning the Yankee victory at Shiloh. The casualty lists seemed endless. All the beds are full at the Warren Hospital. There are rumors that the invaders will turn east to Nashville then on to Chattanooga and could be in North Carolina by spring or even late winter. I cannot imagine living in such close proximity to the Union as you do. Are you not frightened? Papa says that the Union will never allow the Confederacy to coexist with them. Therefore, we must take measures to not only repel them, but to utterly crush them and bring the North to an end or be prepared to live in servitude as the negros.

We expect requisitioning will be implemented by Jefferson Davis shortly. Edward has said as much during some of his visits and that the local recruitment office will take charge of that. He was much puffed up about his importance when he came calling and was closeted with father much of the time. I think it was about the things Papa writes. I could never consent to such a match and I am sure he knows it. I do not think an idle woman would give him fair exchange. There will be an ugly row if that gentleman does come for the gray mare.

My duties at the hospital keep me there from earliest morning to well past dark. I cannot believe the human body can suffer so much and still retain its humanity. Some of these boys are barely recognizable as men after the surgeon has finished his gruesome work. Most of the patients in my ward are so engaged in surviving that any frivolity would be lost on them. This is convenient as I am already covered-up with dressing wounds; changing bandages, clothes and sheets; and feeding the injured. Instead, I take care to select lightly wounded or nearly recovered men for manual manipulation. As of now there are some five or six men I regularly visit.

This is how I arrange my visits. Once or twice a day, never more than three times, usually in the early morning before the doctors arrive or late after the evening meal and final rounds, I will position a privacy screen around the foot of the bed and to either side of the man. Customarily they expect me to come read their mail, as many of them are unskilled in their letters, or to read from some collection of speeches the local brothers have left for their edification. I have several favorites and they look forward to my visits with visible anticipation.

Once everything is in place I open the letter or book and place it on a side trey across the bed from me. As I read I can see the excitement build in them. Not wanting any re-injury and because of the necessity for unrestricted blood flow I will draw back the covers to expose any swelling taking place. My brave boys never fail to present me with rigid attention. Most are in hospital gowns and I am able to easily expose any inflammation, but if they are still in their uniforms I will hastily remove their belt and confining trousers.

I must frequently lay hold of the man to restrain him from casting himself from the bed in his excitement. I get a firm grip on him and use rhythmic compressions. Often he is warm to the touch and very firm. There have been a great variety in my soldiers and all of them have impressed me with their stature. Some are broad and some are long.

I find lubrication allows me the optimum measure of control and comfort for the soldier. Sometimes I will simply spit on the inflammation while at other times I find slathering with my tongue is more rewarding. Always they reward my ministrations with a powerful release. Due to the need to maintain a sterile environment I will collect all that I can of the sticky ejaculate. I make sure that I clean up completely. The satisfaction from showing compassion to these men is creamy sweet or tangy and salty but always a delicious libation.

Sweet ritual had taken root when providence intervened again. I was asked to report to the chief surgeon's office yesterday. I stood in the middle of his office as he examined me from head to toe. He asked me if I liked working here and if I enjoyed my work as well as the patients. I of course said yes. He then revealed that he knew of the personal services I performed for the men. He said that he had watched me that very morning and had done so for a week.

Then he demanded to know if my compassion extended to only the wounded. I instantly assured him that I had compassion for all men, he being handsome and fine featured I begged to be allowed to treat his throbbing organ. He stood up from behind his desk and I could see that he was exposed for my inspection. It seemed to go on forever, more than ten inches I should imagine, I could see that I would need to thoroughly lubricate him if I was to take it all.

I cast myself to my knees and he gave himself to me liberally. He was vigorous in his use of me. Though I tried, choking on my failure, I could not handle him all and his reward was delivered in pulsing spasms to my face. Despite my inadequacy, he praised my effort and told me to continue with the men as well as a weekly visit to his office for advanced medical instruction.

So you see dear sister that your trust in my abilities is not unfounded. Mama has again read your letter in full. Thank you for inviting me to Hazel Park. Papa was against my going, but Mama prevailed upon him. He is adorable when she stubbornly insists on her way. He just hangs his head and mutters about getting his due. I love him so.

I will travel with a bulk paper delivery to Roanoke, then travel by carriage the remainder of the way. There is some question about traveling companions to be sorted out so plan for two or three. Expect us the last week of July. I can barely stand the thought of being parted from my dear boys, but I look forward to learning how you handle your estate. Tell Millie that her Momma cries with every word from her and that she must remember that she belongs to a sophisticated lady now and she isn't a scullery maid any longer. Kiss her for me.

In Eager Anticipation,

Annabelle