- Loving Wives
- Not Scuba Diving
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click hereMonday evening, after dinner, at our house:
"Honey, we need to talk."
Are there worse words for a husband to hear? Can't be many. My first thought: what have I screwed up recently? I mean, seriously screwed up. All husbands screw up all the time, but it usually takes a fairly serious screw up for the dreaded words to come out. Anyway:
"Ok, dear, now?"
"Yes, let's sit down." We sat on the love seat in our den, a usually cozy little room that we, usually, enjoyed together.
"I've been thinking..."
"Let me interrupt you. Before you start, would you like some wine?"
"Oh, thanks, that would be great." My wife does like her wine, so I brought her a full glass along with the large bottle that she had opened earlier at dinner. From looking at the bottle, the glassful was not her first of the evening.
"So?"
"Ok, I've been thinking, with the boys gone now and, you know, us not getting any younger, I'm thinking I would like to add some, uh, you know, some adventure to my life."
"Honey, that's great. Actually, I've been thinking the same thing. We're empty nesters now and we can have lots of new adventures together. I've been thinking maybe scuba diving lessons or a cruise to Antarctica or..."
"Wait—no. I've been thinking about new adventures for ME, not scuba diving or Antarctica. You and the boys have had adventures--your mountain climbing and skiing trips and stuff. Now I think it's time for me to have some adventures." She was referring to several adventurous trips our twin boys and I had enjoyed together. Rob and Ron are now 20, both juniors in college. Their first two years in college they attended our local community college and lived at home. Now they have departed home and will finish college at our state university, about a three hour drive from here. While they were in high school and community college, they and I loved to go skiing and climbing. Julie, my wife, was never interested in that kind of adventure so she never joined us. Not that she didn't stay in good shape. All of us worked out fairly seriously, the three of us guys for skiing and climbing and Julie for general fitness. After 22 years of marriage, she was still as gorgeous, at least to me, as she was when we met in college.
I sat there looking at her. "What kind of adventure do you have in mind, Julie, that will be just for you?"
"Well, please don't take this the wrong way, but I've been thinking about dating. I haven't been on a date in more than 20 years. I know you and I go out on date nights, and I really enjoy them, but they're not the same as going out on a real date. You know, a new person, new places to go, new experiences. You know, adventures."
I sat there stunned. Julie poured herself another glass of wine and gulped down about half of it while I stared at her.
"Uh, do these dates include sex with this new person?"
"Tim, this is not about sex. This is about new experiences, to rejuvenate myself and make me a more interesting person to live with you and love you for the rest of our lives together." That sounded pretty well rehearsed to me. So:
"Uh, so you aren't denying that sex with another man is on the table?"
"Well," stalling while she finishes her wine glass and refills it, "Well, I guess it's possible, but that's not the point. The point is..."
"Julie, the point is that you are telling me you are going to start going on dates with other men and possibly having sex with them, right?"
"Ok, Tim, yes. I guess that's what I'm saying. But the point is I want some adventures in my life."
"Without me?"
"Yes, without you, but only for a little while, and I promise it won't hurt us at all. It will really make us stronger because I will be a more interesting person to you. I'll..."
"Julie, please, no bullshit. Your fucking another man or my fucking another woman does not make us stronger."
"Wait, wait," another half glass of wine went down, "we're talking about me here. This is not about you going out to screw some hussy."
"Wait, wait yourself. How can you say you're going out on dates and not expect me to do the same thing? You know, goose and gander."
"Tim." Then silence while she pours another glass and drinks some more wine. This conversation was obviously not going the way she expected. I decided to add a little more fuel to this fire she was building:
"If we're both going to date, we'll need some ground rules. Like, no dates here at the house. If you're going to fuck some guy, it has to be at a hotel or his house. Neither of us entertains a date here, agreed?"
"Tim, uh, uh..." The wine was beginning to have its effect.
"C'mon, Julie, you have to agree to that, to show some respect for our home."
"Ok, I agree, no dates here. But this whole conversation has gotten off track. I just want a little adventure for me, and you have made this about you too."
"Julie, this has to be about both of us. If you are going to fuck around outside our marriage, then I will too, and frankly, I wonder if we have a marriage left after we start down this path. But listen, it's late and you have had a bit to drink. Let's go to bed and talk some more tomorrow."
"Uh, Tim, uh, well, a guy at work asked me out for tomorrow evening and uh, I, uh, told him I would talk to you tonight and let him know in the morning."
"Wow. So what's his name?"
"Uh, Bob."
"Bob who?"
"That's not important. The..."
"It is important. He will come pick you up here, right? And I need to meet him and make sure he's not an ax murderer or somebody who might kidnap you or rape you. You, right now anyway, are still my wife and I have a duty to make sure you are protected and kept safe from predators. If you are going out with some guy, I need to meet him first and hear him tell both of us where you are going and when you'll be home. That way, if he tries something else, you'll know he's trying to trick you." I'm not sure how convincing my line would have been if Julie had not been pretty drunk by then, but she agreed.
"Ok, I'll have him pick me up at 7 and come into the house to introduce him and let him tell both of us where he and I will be going. Is that the deal?"
"Yep, that's the deal for your date tomorrow." We did go to bed that night in the same bed, but no loving or snuggling or even kissing. She was asleep pretty quickly and the next morning I was up and gone before she was up.
That Tuesday evening we were both home before 6. No dinner for me. Julie showered, dressed in the not-surprising little black dress with fuck-me-now high heels, and was ready to go out at 6:45. A couple of drinks later, the doorbell rang at 7 and she let Bob into our home.
She introduced us and I asked for his driver's license. He hemmed and hawed and I explained Julie's and my deal: Proof of id and description of planned itinerary so my loving wife would be safe. She nodded yes at him and he reluctantly showed me his driver's license. I pulled it from his hand, turned away and quickly took a cell phone photo of it before he could stop me.
"Hey..." he started to complain.
"You've nothing to hide, do you?"
"Uh, uh..."
"It's ok, Bob, let's go now." Before they left, I confirmed: Delaney's Restaurant, which I knew had dinner and dancing, and then he would have her home by midnight. She would call me to confirm when they arrived at Delaney's. As soon as they left, I was on the computer to find out about "Bob."
Robert Fuller, employed at Davis Insurance Agency, same as my wife. Been there three months, no Facebook page. But, an Angela Fuller with the same address as Bob, has her own Facebook page. She id's as married, two kids (7 and 5), occupation: homemaker. Home phone is listed so I call:
"Hello."
"Hi, is Bob there?"
"No, sorry, he's working late tonight. Do you need his work number?"
"No, that's ok, thanks." I'm out the door a minute later and 15 minutes later pull into the Fullers' driveway. Mrs. Fuller answers the doorbell.
"Hi, Mrs. Fuller. My name is Tim Wethern and I just met your husband at my house earlier this evening."
"Oh, what?"
"He was there to pick up my wife for a date. He was taking her to Delaney's for dinner and dancing. As to sex, according to my wife, it is possible."
"What, what? Are you crazy?"
"I wish I were. I wish I was making up this whole story. To show some bona fides, here is a picture of Bob's driver's license. I took the picture in my living room about 45 minutes ago." This conversation took place on her front porch. After digesting this info, she asked me in and I gave her as much more background and detail as I knew.
"I'm afraid I'm not surprised..." she started.
"I have a proposal. If you can quickly get a babysitter, you get dressed up a little and let's go to Delaney's. We'll have our own date and hopefully embarrass them to stop this." She liked the idea and called her next door neighbor. They apparently shared babysitter duties, including emergency babysitting, and this certainly qualified.
Twenty minutes, Angela and I were driving to Delaney's. When we arrived, the maitre d' couldn't seat us, but a fifty dollar bill changed that. He actually sat us at a four top in the middle of their maid dining room. Not surprisingly, we could see Bob and Julie sitting at a two top along a wall. They were engrossed in each other, holding hands and looking like fucking love birds. I wanted to walk over and pour ice water on both of them to cool them off. Angela cooled me off instead.
"Settle down, big boy. We want to torture them and embarrass them, but we don't want to get thrown out of here. Remember, this is a date, so let's hold hands and make goo-goo eyes at each other."
"Goo-goo eyes? What century is that from?" We both laughed and did hold hands across the table. We were chatting, I think about skiing, when I swear I felt Julie's eyes on me. I deliberately did not look over at their table, but Angela was watching them out of the corner of her eye.
"No hand holding now, they are both sitting up straight and looking at us and around the restaurant. The look like they think they might be on a reality TV show." I laughed some more, a little strained perhaps and then Angela said Julie was on her way to our table. I turned to watch her approach.
"Hi, Julie. How's your date?"
"You asshole. You're trying to ruin this for me."
"No, no, Julie, allow me to introduce you to Angela Fuller, Bob's wife. Bob is working late tonight, at least that is what he told Angela."
"Bob's married?" A very quiet, strained voice.
"Yes, dearie, we have been married for almost 10 years and have a 7 and 5 year old at home. Since Bob said he is working late tonight, he must be working for you. How much are you paying him? And what does that make you?" I burst out laughing, but neither lady was laughing. Both were looking at Bob, who was paying the waiter and maybe thought he could sneak out.
"I'll take Bob home with me now, Julie. Not sorry to ruin your date and not happy to meet you." Angela strolled over to Bob, literally grabbed him by the ear, and dragged him out of the restaurant. Julie sat down in Angela's place.
"You asshole. I just wanted a little adventure."
"You got it, honey!! How adventurous is this? You've helped ruin their marriage, and maybe ruined ours. Isn't that adventurous?"
"Fuck you. Take me home now, or I swear I'll..." She couldn't figure out what she would swear she would do, and I did relent.
"Ok, ok, let me pay this tab and we'll go home and try to figure out the next step in this adventurous marriage of ours."
*****
So: my first attempt at a story since I was in college a long time ago. Tim and Julie have more adventures ahead if there is enough interest.
- COMMENTS
Yeah, cut your losses. How can you trust her, love or not? Are you going to monitor her 24/7? What kind of relationship is that?
Julie calling HIM an asshole, for doing EXACTLY what she was doing? THAT rank hypocrisy would have ended the marriage for me. Less for her seeking "adventure" than for her wanting to cuck him by getting angry at HIS dating. That's such an enormous amount of disrespect there's no getting past it.
He should leave the restaurant alone. Let that selfish, cheating cunt find her own way back to the house. This marriage is done. Never any trust dealing with this slut.
This was your first story. Not original, but well written. I enjoyed it, gave it a five.
please don't leave it there like so many other authors on this site do, finish it!
You left the most interesting part of the story sitting in the restaurant: how long has she been romantically interested in Bob? Why is her husband doing Exactly what she's doing make Him an asshole; what does that make her? What difference does it make if Bob is married, unless she was considering Bob a trade up from the husband she considers to be an asshole? And why is she dressed to entice a sexual interest, unless that is the focus of the adventure she is seeking? Wish you had applied yourself more to the implications of the cheating wife rather than the glib husband showing up with the assholes wife. But thanks for the effort.
You need to learn how to finish the story and it is not about how you feel about writing. If you cannot come up with an end then do not post it until you have one. Perhaps it would help if you would have some original plot instead of beating a deceased horse. 1 star.
good story. Now 9 months ago--You tell him to develop his characters more, what the hell jerk, you go on to tell us all that you couldn't do what he does that is by writing an interesting story. PLease write your own tales or STFU!! LP
Tim didn't take any shit. Tim had a belly laughing ball with the whole thing.
Pretty good. I think Tim took a bit more shit than his character indicates he would.
Very very good.Please develop the characters and bulk it out a bit more but really I am very impressed because I cannot do what you’ve done that is write an interesting original story.
Bob seems to have gotten his dick caught trolling in another man’s married pond. His wife I think will cancel his trolling abilities I think.
Thank goodness you too up writing, again!
A first time story which scored a solid 5*.
Looking forward to more from you.
I read these stories about wives who think they are entitled to a little adventure. I've even written a few, but I don't pretend to understand them. Is sex the only adventure they know in life? They are idiots. She will find herself divorced very quickly if he has any sense at all.
You told the story well. It was uncomfortably believable.
On Chapter 1
Um, FaceBook doesn't have home addresses.
12/14/18 Re: "Fair to middlin'" - Yes, the fact that she didn't drop the whole idea when he made it clear that the "adventures" wold be reciprocal, bodes ill for the marriage.
On Chapter 2
"I do love the bitch, for better and for worse" - The "for better and for worse," despite what some of the cheating apologists seem to think, refers to the "worse" happening TO them, not one of THEM doing it!
Better than the first.
I was wondering about why he wouldn't accept her agreeing that her idea was wrong.
I also wondered about his previous visit to the strip club, Nothing was said under "Saturday and Sunday" about him going ANYWHERE, let alone a strip club!
But Tim doesn't need more "adventures", he needs to kick his bitch wife to the curb. The dynamic that results from that would be an interesting story. Taking it down the weak, permissive husband path would destroy what you started.
Thanks to everyone who posted a comment, particularly those who actually posted thoughtful comments. Ch 2 of the Not Scuba Diving adventures of Tim and Julie has been submitted, and I apologize for not including "Ch 1" in the first story title. The Literotica Website is user friendly, but it's still pretty easy for a newbie to screw up.
Separately, I am curious about the commentators who criticize me and other authors who seek encouragement as an incentive to keep submitting stories. If I got universally detrimental comments, why would I keep posting? I guess everyone writes because they like to, but I think we post only because we like others to read our stuff. If others like it, great: I'll post some more. If other don't like it, why would I post more?
Please, I'm not trying to start a fight; I'm really curious. Tanglosax
I think that you write very well, with fine grammar and syntax and good plot development that's easy to follow. I did not spot any errors in my quick read, though one sharp-eyed reader raised a homophone (maid, made). The story was interesting, though not sexy (yet?). One reader blasted you for your plot-line, but I appreciate the unusual twist. Imaginative and creative plots keep the Lit site interesting. Best wishes!
You should have had hubby consider leaving Julie at the restaurant before offering to take her home. Also, check your spelling: "maid dining room?"
...and finding a story in L.W’s that I genuinely like is not a frequent occurance (but when found the truffles do encourage further hunting and hoping).
Please Tanglosax, do continue. However, I’d like to strongly encourage that you leave Tim & Julie be just as they are. At least for a good long time. I can’t see how any ‘next adventure’ featuring Tim & Julie would be anything more than ‘Here is another Archie and Betty and Veronica appearance!’
Instead, I’d like to see you take your skills and add more - and better - stories to LW. Searching for truffles in the forest soil is one thing, but looking for truffle caliber stories buried in the turds, shit, and sick diarrhetic goo so common here is (after many months of hunting) becoming less and less encouraging.
A further word; upon finding an author who can write (well enough), and has the interest and capacity to develop plot and character beyond the juvenile - or that of an especially bitter psychopath - to *then* have that too-rare set of abilities spent on ‘The Further Adventures of Zoey & Chloe, of Bill & Sally & Rob & Ron & Boo & BooBoo, or The Guy with the 8 Foot Cock (by Thatsme!)’ Chapter 48...
is a sad truffle-hunt termination I’d very much like to see all but the truly skilled and gifted authors avoid like the sad syphylistic path it typically proves to be.
I always enjoy a husband dealing well with a cheating wife. This was a pretty good first attempt and I would very much like to read continuations. I think this story needs a little more substance but it's a fun read. I will watch for more.
1) Good, wonderful, stoic loving husband who absolutely does not deserve to be betrayed or cucked.
2) A gorgeous, sexy Wife who suddenly just decides out of the blue to strong arm and force her hubby to be her cuck and just expects him to capitulate.
3) Wife states that she will fuck other men but the hubby is not allowed to fuck other Women...
4) Hubby naturally rebels against the Wife's very stupid, inept ill advised attempt to force him to be her cuck...
5) Hubby punishes the WIfe and her Stud
Please, in CHapter 2,
1) wonderful, stoic hubby dumps the Wife...
2) Wife is absolutely shocked by this unexpected development. She falls onto her knees and cries and begs and grovels for forgiveness, mercy and another chance
3) hubby moves on with pretty, young Top Notch Bombshell
4)hubby becomes a millionaire and he and Top Notch wallow in luxury and affluence
5) hubby runs into Wife by chance and she is now a struggling, broke, washed up whore, she still tries to seduce him but he turns her down...
Author, when you have finished, pat yourself on the back for writing a stupid, unrealistic, foolish story to pander to the sexist, mysoginstic BTB crowd! You are so special, awesome and wonderful, and dont you dare let anybody else tell you anything else?
Got to appreciate any man or woman who will stand up to a dumb spouse who is looking to cheat with the excuse of needing it or a spark to ignite their marriage. Me my first words would’ve been fine call your sons in front of me and let them know what you are needing to do. Next in the morning would’ve been to call in sick and gone to a attorney. Divorce is guaranteed at that point. She could not have any proof that she didn’t cheat already even if it’s not sexually definetly emonitionally. Time to dump
Another stupid piece of crap about a very stupid caricature of a Woman attempting to force her hubby to be her cuck in a most stupid inept manner! Why do you assholes keep writing this stupid shit? Boring
Now that's how you ruin a cheaters first date. Cuckold me will you? Right back at you. Please continue...
Five Stars
...but you should definitely continue on and let us see where this goes!
You haven't shown us what kind of husband this is:
If her takes her home and acts like nothing happened - not interested
If he lets her continue "dating" - not interested
If he wants to be a cuckold - not interested
If he's going to stand up for himself and not put up with any feminism, humiliation, or domination by either side - yes, interested
If he realizes their marriage has been shattered by her attitude and actions and needs to be either repaired or ended - yes, interested
You haven't provided enough information for me to decide if I'm interested or not, so now it's up to you. What kind of stories do you want to write?
Thanks for posting.
I don't know which of my comments you're referring to, so I'll address the obvious ones in order.
The first one wasn't really a criticism, I simply stated the obvious, that setups are easy, it's the resolution that's hard.
My latest wasn't a criticism, but a defense! Another Anon accused tanglo of a "ripoff" because he had read another story with an "almost" identical beginning. I simply pointed out that there have been MANY stories that have used similar setups, doesn't make any of them ripoffs..
The author has used a standard formula setup, also used by a zillion other authors. You're bring to critical.
"I recently read a story on Literotica, the first part of which is almost identical to this story." - There have been many! It's often, "You're the only man I've ever had sex with, I NEED to see what it's like with other men." Or, she's getting older, and NEEDS to know that she can still attract other men. I'm sure there are others similar that are slipping my mind at the moment!
I hope there are more tales to tell for this couple, and maybe, just maybe, Julie might actually grow a braincell or two.
Tim is definitely on the right track, although a call to his sons might be in order - then a 3 way attack on Julie might just wake her up.
5/5
Needs A realistic resolution without hubby wimping out, and exploration of her whack ass motive, and some sort of conclusion that shows a price paid by the offending whether they reconcile or separate.
Do those, you might have a good story.
5+1 newb bonus minus 1 for too short minus 1:for going home with her minus 1 for fishing for compliments. Three
Thanks, keep trying!
Write what you want. Since this is the loving wives category, I prefer realistic stories and actions have consequences. Keep going.
Well, at least it was established (several times) that Sweetie aspired to be ‘adventurous!’ One criterion (maybe 2, if we grant Sweetie is a wife) satisfied for this LW category. However, I feel that the real nexus of LW is the effect on the marital relationship, and THAT part of this story has not awakened after a sexless ‘sleep-off-the-wine’ night!
Please generate a Ch2. (There ... I have responded positively to your silly request.)
I recently read a story on Literotica, the first part of which is almost identical to this story.
Pretty good 1st effort. Four Stars.
Is that it? Or is there a part 2 where hubby deals with a longer term solution? Seems to me a fellow with a wife that needs that kind of adventure needs a better wife.
It's a good set up, because the husband doesn't want to do it at all and the wife doesn't want him to do it as well. They both need to give a little. Marriage is all about compromise. If she really wants this, she has to allow him the same freedom. I'd love to see how they come to a mutually satidfactory agreement in their next adventure!
I liked the story and would like to see it continued. Don't worry what others say. Go for it. Just express yourself and enjoy the adventure, much like your characters. Don't let anyone else keep you from trying.
Not at all bad for a first effort; and you did get a lot of good advice. I’m still learning after about four years of trying, so I can feel where you’re coming from.
Soooo—if I may, I’ll try to add a few helpful comments, or at least I hoped they are helpful. #1- I agree with several others, but maybe with just a slightly different spin, on whether to continue writing. There is only one reason to continue this story or even to continue writing at all—Do you enjoy writing?
Take my word for it, the only thing most of us get out of writing in pure enjoyment, and I can say that after continuing to get residuals on several e-books published on Kindle about four years ago. The money, for most of us, is peanuts and does not compare to comments from readers who appreciate a good story.
#2 A common theme presented here, by even a few authors, is complaints about non original stories. One of my first instructors and I’ve also seen it in several creative writing books was, “There are no new plots—by now every idea has been done over and over again. The only thing we can do is place the story in our own environment with our own special spin.” So many complain about non-original plots I’m beginning to wonder if maybe I was drunk during those times this subject was covered.
I won’t be foolish enough to ask anyone to write an original story, but if we are going to continue to hear that complaint, is it too much to ask someone to point one out? I’d surely love to read it.
#3 johnadp made a good point about writing style and how writing a story differs from a screen play. Suggest you study that part carefully. Also his take on timelines was spot on. I screwed that up in my last story, even after all this time—nobody ever said good writing is easy. If it was, these Anonymous cats would be doing it.
Back to your story—I’m scoring a 4 mostly because it’s a good first effort. Good Luck and I’ll be looking for your next work. cd
Quick easy reading. Glad to see yoh just didn't have hubby agree to her demands. Like to see how you will develop the characters.
I like the start of the bored middle aged wife looking for "adventure". I hope you'll continue on with the story of the Wethern's.
There is no respect, for her husband, for her children, or for herself. There is no love, except for herself. She did not sacrifice her pleasure so her husband and children could have adventures together. She just placed all those outings on a debit/credit list, and now she wants payback, with extramarital sex. And she expects her husband to become a monk while she becomes the office slut.
There is no sequel to this story, just as there is no sequel to this marriage. The wife has no guilt, no remorse, and her only regret is that her evening ended without the thrill of a strange cock in her pussy. She didn't even apologize to the wife who's marriage she helped ruin, much less to her soon to be ex husband. The only way this story might fail is if you try to present some plot by which this marriage is saved. Its already been without oxygen and love for too long, as there obviously is no brain function left, at least in the wife. In the husband also if he does anything except file for divorce at the earliest opportunity.
Thanks for the effort. Can't rate it since it was left unfinished, so far. If it is not continued I will come back and give it a 2, since the writing is OK and the husband is not, yet, accepted his role as a cuckold. Unfinished stories really deserve a 1.
*****
Very clever and entertaining story.
When Tim convinces Julie to go scuba diving they first have to take a course so that they know how to use the gear. Because of their work schedules, they attend classes separately. Tim is at first encouraged that Julie is so enthusiastic about the lessons until he meets her instructor!
I read this in the morning but waited to comment until I had digested it a little more.
1. I could live with the 'honey we need to talk' only because every story has to start somewhere.
2. "Julie, the point is that you are telling me you are going to start going on dates with other men and possibly having sex with them, right?"
"Ok, Tim, yes. I guess that's what I'm saying. But the point is I want some adventures in my life."
"Without me?"
Her main excuses is he went on adventures with their sons, because she didn't want to go and now she wants adventures of her own.
3. Robert Fuller, employed at Davis Insurance Agency, same as my wife. Been there three months, no Facebook page. The dude has only been there three months and she is ready to throw everything away.
4. "Bob's married?" She wanted to go on an adventure and didn't know any thing about the guy.
5. So: my first attempt at a story since I was in college a long time ago. Tim and Julie have more adventures ahead if there is enough interest. The only way to create interest is if YOU choose to write, it doesn't matter what we think.
For your first story you chose the hardest category and then beg for approval. Do yourself a favor and don't worry about what everyone else thinks and write what pleases you. If you put it in the wrong category the commenters will be sure to tell you. Next if you aren't going to give the whole story tag as Chapter one... Then we know that more is coming. Last read other stories comments to get a feel of what the readers want to read and go from there. Good luck on your next venture.
Nothing new. Not too many errors in the technical writing. Standard, "lets talk", wife makes the decisions and then lives to regret them, maybe? What I hate about this story is that it's completely unfinished. We know nothing about what happens to either couples marriage. And that part is the hardest to write. What each persons reactions are to this episode in their lives. So if this is the end, then 2 stars. If you post another chapter, then the score may rise or fall depending on the writing. Good luck.
This is a good first time flash. You write well and have a good, fun sense of humor on top of a good imagination. Keep up the work!
Tiny Tim
where an author asked whether he should continue with a story. What's up with that? Either you write the story or you don't. You don't need my approval to do so. If you have to ask, most likely you're not sure of your ability to write. Let's face it, there will always be somebody that won't like a story. Most of the stories posted in loving wives don't meet somebody's approval. Anybody that says writing is easy hasn't tried it. So far, not a bad start, writing is okay, content has possibilities depending on where you intend to take it. Thanks for the read. (signed ML)
The writing itself was decent; however:
1. This story could have easily been a cut and paste from 70% of LW stories; both the situations, as well as, the dialogue. You have to have something at least semi new or a new insight to make it worthwhile. There is absolutely nothing original in it and it is the regurgitation of the core outline of a majority of the LW stories. However, it's a regurgitation of the building blocks of the stories where other authors add to that foundation, and you simply regurgitated the foundation itself. One can somewhat justify regurgitation embarking in a new area. First copy and learn from it to get down some of the basics and eventually innovate. Although the copying and regurgitating is great for the budding author to practice and to learn, the product of the innovation is the effort that is interesting for the reader.
2. This was more in the style of a screenplay than an intended written story as a final product. In reading a story, over a tv show or a movie, there is the opportunity for the author to convey what the characters are thinking or the emotions they are feeling. In a tv show or a movie you're hoping that the actors are good enough, or the dialogue is writen well enough, for SOME of that to come across to the audience. Where a tv show or movie has the advantage in portraying a scene or a setting, writing has the advantage in communicating the thinking behind the actions and the feelings involved. This story was playing in the realm of a tv show or a movie, where it's at a major disadvantage. We have the scenes with dialogue that hit on just the points, without a window into the thinking or feelings involved.
3. Back story would help. How does a wife of 20 years come to this point or how is she justifying taking this step and why is the husband such a cool and methodical person who doesn't have a strong emotional reaction to something like this. A lot of authors seem to use the "engineer" or successful businessman husband to justify this methodical and cool headed reaction to something that would typically lead to an emotional and impulsive one. A little originality here would be nice too as the engineer and successful businessman has been quite played out already. SS06 alone ran the "engineer" one to death lol.
4. Thinking through areas of a story. Some areas that are objective and can easily be checked out on, which the reader realizes could not be possible, casts a negative shadow on the whole story. I admit I'm a numbers nerd, but in my defence I don't try to do it conciously. The husband and the wife of the coworker end up at the restaurant 45 minutes after the wife leaves on her date. He says it takes him 15 minutes to get to her house and twenty minutes for them to have a conversation, call to arrange a babysitter, get ready for a night out for a WOMAN. So that's 35 minutes there. I'm going to leave alone that in twenty minutes it's possible to do all that I mentioned. But that leaves 10 minutes for the husband to do all his research, get ready for his night out, and then drive from the co-worker's wife house to the restaurant and get a table. Nothing would have been lost from the story if they got there 1:15 minutes later at the restaurant, or that they met up with them 2 hours later when they were sitting at a table having drinks around the dance floor and the same thing happened. Maybe this type of thing wouldn't bother most people, but little details that are easily contradicted cast a negative shadow on the whole story.
A lot of authors go into detail in areas like finance or law that are totally wrong and it makes me lose interest in a story. You could have not given specifics on time and simply had the protaganist state something like "I was surprised we got there while they were still sitting at the dinner table; the treacherous new lovers must have had a lot to discuss on their 'first date'. I was glad we didn't need to make the extra effort to try to catch them at the dance club. I wasn't sure my wife of twenty years was worth all that extra effort at this point." Vague on time, gives plausability for there being room for change of plan if necessary (after all he knew their whole itinerary) and doesn't box you in on something that can easily be checked up on.
Liars get very specific on some inconsequential area thinking they are making the overall lie stronger (after all writing a fiction story is telling a lie). There is no need for that as it doesn't add to the story, and just gives the reader the opportunity to pick holes. So my recommendation is either really think it out or make it vague.
There is some skill and talent there, so there is justification for you to continue to write. Now you just need to come up with an original story and have the patience to make it come to life. While you're at it make sure that it's original, moving, insightful and interesting for the reader. No sweat!
This story really worked for me. Tim was a really a sharp guy who thought quickly. And did something most men could think of to do. As he got the other women and both intercepted them before they broke up there marriages that are probably broken now anyway.
You’re off to a good start! Keep it up and don’t let the “haters” get you down. I got a laugh out of the anonymous commenter calling you a coward!
.. now, take us home with one of the couples, let us know how they work it out, lol!
Great stuff!
Cool headed hubby, which I am sure, will wreak havoc against impulsive immature wifey with a sudden IQ as low as snake droppings on the ocean floor.
Now I am recalling senior school days skinny dipping with close lady friend on the school swim team doing breaststroke laps, me with diving goggles allegedly seeking coins or 'treasures' on the swimming pool bottom observing that quim flexing overhead ....ahh quivers!!! Good old days.
As in most other comments, great beginning, perhaps a little more character background and build up, just don't pull a JPB.
On the other hand, 33+ comments so far on your first submission on the first day means you are doing something right or pis--ng someone off. Sensitive category for sure. I will lean towards promising new talent. Good luck!
FWW
First shot...keep on firing, I really want this guy to keep Julie around, she is great for laughs.
I am interested in seeing where you take “Tim and Juleie have more adventures”. Please do not make this a RAAC.
Looking at the story as a stand-alone some more character development would be helpful. The ending was abrupt and needs more from both Tim and Julie. Since you started from Tim’s perspective I suggest you follow up with that first. Whether you add additional stories from Julie’s perspective is optional.
You can go two ways with this;
1. Build additional parts off this story (which seems to be your intent), or
2. Flesh out this story and re-issue it.
Best of luck and I look forward to more from you.
"Well, please don't take this the wrong way, but I've been thinking about dating. I haven't been on a date in more than 20 years." - What is the "right" way to take that? How many dates has HE had in more than 20 years?
I probably shouldn't be amazed after reading hundreds of LW stories, that she thinks that HER fucking around will "spice up" their marriage, but not him!
New writers, PLEASE! Writing story set-ups is easy. This is a variation on a very common one. The challenge is to come up with a unique, believable resolution to the set-up.
Yes, what is it with these new writers begging for approval? If they want to write, write!
Story was fine, don't wimp him out in part two. Give him some balls to throw her out. Keep writing.
...to the nearest divorce lawyer. She has no respect for her husband and it's a miracle the marriage could survive this long given her attitude and foolishness.
It seems both husband and wife have concerns about swinging. I'm hoping in another chapter they both loosen up.
The writing was fine and the dialog worked. The problem is that there was absolutely no sense of why he'd want the marriage to continue. Her respect for him is nonexistent and her protestations of love are obviously completely hollow given how little she cares about his feelings. So, I could buy him angry or hurt or devastated or any of a number of things but not saying, "...maybe ruined ours..." He'd be saying, "...took ours and flushed it down the toilet.'
will improve as you write more. Asking for approval and encouragement is not how it's done. You dropped a half page teaser and are looking for readers to plead with you to continue, to more or less stroke your ego. Man up and write your story. You need no one's permission or encouragement. You need an idea and the balls to put it out there for people to read.
Not bad. Simple and to the point. The marriage is done. Would like to read a continuation of it.
Maybe a little telegraphed, but a good read...3* and keep writing
Agree with the other comments and Julie needs a serious attitude adjustment. Let's see how clever Tim can be and bring her down a few pegs or more. Maybe give the kids a call and find out how they're doing while letting them know how the old home front is doing. Good start.
And a fun bit of almost slapstick humor too. Almost like an ill conceived caper by Lucy from “I Love Lucy”. Almost.
Boy, Julie is some piece of work. Selfish, entitled, and indignant. Calling Tim an asshole! Why did Tim even take her back home? I can’t wait for that conversation.
Well done restaurant scene. I laughed.
Despite the seriousness of the subject, there is a comic lightness to Tim’s and Angela’s characters, and an oafish and childish nature to Julie and Bob. Reminds me of HDK.
I enjoyed this and I hope you follow it up. Thanks
Not bad but Julie's bitchiness and his wimpy reaction to it put a huge damper on it for me.
Your protagonist is likeable and I enjoyed how he dealt with his wife's perfidious perversion of their marriage.
She is written as a remorseless troll, however, that lacks any real sympathy or attraction.
At the end of this short, I don't see any reason not to burn her down and kick her to the curb.
You have not sold the reader on why she should be kept or why she is attractive.
She is actually less attractive than a public urinal at the end of this installment.
I noticed a few typos, so I suggest you proof read more closely. But the story had good dialog and style. Please don't let the husband become a wimp or willing cuckold (and that includes "swinging"; if another man is fucking his wife, under ANY circumstances, and the husband doesn't at least file for divorce, then he is a willing cuck). The biggest problem with a story of this kind (i.e., a wife announces she is going to start "dating" other men) is that the wife has to be presented as being kind of brain-dead. I mean, why would any intelligent person in their right mind think this sort of behavior would be okay within a marriage? So, unless you have an idea for how to get around this, and present the wife as being more believable, then you might be better off starting a new story. But please keep writing.
draggin down those suckers who fall into the trap, TK U MLJ LV NV
The marriage is done. Julie has no respect for her husband and it's now only a matter of time until she cheats on him.
1) Start hiding the marital assets.
2) Divorce the whore
3) Find a younger replacement
4) Laugh at the bitter old cat lady