by Hizchick
A wonderful story...short, intense, and very well written. I hope there are many more like it.
A powerfully erotic story with an original plot line, very well written. Hizchick knows how to create a mood, an atmosphere that builds and arouses. Fantastic first effort. Hope there are more to follow.
This could have been Sooo good but you tried to hard in finding different descriptives. Finaly you lost the tense right at the end by finishing the tale in the present.
Remember less is more.
I enjoyed the story. Good orginal plot and told well. Kept at it, you have all the necessary tools to develop into a great writer.
Loved how this unfolded so quickly, but it seemed to end just as fast and i would love to see a part 2 of later that night....