- Reviews & Essays
- Poly - The Way Forward
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click hereAs my readers know, I have written often about polyamory, primarily polyandry (one woman with two or more men). Mine are not traditional 'reverse harem' romances, mainly because I know from personal experience the complexities of poly. But in these times of crisis, I believe that poly may be the best option.
Why?
At the core of male-female relations, beyond the apparent self-gratification of sex, is procreation.
Yes, there are other factors at work. And as the mother of DINKs (double-income, no kids), I thoroughly endorse the opinion that procreation is NOT for everyone.
Nonetheless, it has historically been a primary societal consideration in formulating family and tribal structures. Historians, anthropologists, and sociologists tell us that the move from hunter-gatherer to farming was the primary cause of the shift to monogamy. Marriage was an institution to ensure that the offspring of landowners/farmers were, in fact, their own. I won't get into the complexities of the subjugation of women and children here.
But it makes me wonder...
In a time of climate crisis, global pandemics, and looming economic, political, and societal instability, might it not be time for another shift?
Poly has historically been about the procreation of children. In polygamy, one man with more than one wife, it is about producing the maximum number of children. Many religions, such as Islam, recognized that by stipulating that a man could have only as many wives as he could financially support.
But the reverse is also true. Though much less common, polyandry has been about keeping limited resources in the family. Nepal is one of the few remaining places where this tradition continued to thrive into modernity. Among its native mountain-dwelling population, brothers often shared a single wife. This inherently limited family size as a woman can only produce one baby per year, and more likely one every two, no matter how many men she copulates with. So, polyandry made economic sense in cultures where the resources were limited.
It also made sense in war-like cultures where men were likely to be killed. Polyandry ensured that the wife and children left behind would continue to be cared for, particularly if the paternity of those children were unknown.
Of course, for much of the world, monogamy was the winner. In particular, heterosexual monogamy. But does it still make sense for our changing world?
With eight billion people on the planet, we are struggling to feed them despite technological advances in agriculture and transportation. That does not even take into account all the other necessities, such as housing, clothing, and educating the young.
On a personal level, few young people can actually afford children. Not merely monetarily but in terms of time and attention as well. Most couples find themselves in a position of having to choose between housing, clothing, and feeding their children or giving them the love and attention they need.
In a poly family, whether that be polygamy, polyandry, or newer forms of mixed polyamory, it is easier to do both. One or two members of the family can afford to stay home and provide all the essentials not only of childrearing but also homemaking while others earn income outside the home. Forget double-income families, triple or more is possible in a poly family without sacrificing the emotional, educational, or physical needs of the offspring to overburdened and underpaid childcare or educational system.
It goes beyond that, though. As the COVID-19 pandemic shows, life is fragile. While it has a disproportionate effect on older and less-abled bodies, this virus has claimed the lives of fathers, mothers, husbands, and wives. With the acceleration of global warming, this virus may be the first of many new pathogens the human race will face. Not all of those may discriminate based upon age or health.
Poly families are inherently more stable and able to absorb the shock of the death of one or more of its members. Yes, that sounds incredibly cloud. But it was at the core of poly from the beginning of time. If one member dies, the others can absorb the children of that union and continue to provide for it.
Of course, poly has other advantages as well, such as a broader base for the emotional and intellectual satisfaction of its members. Being able to turn to someone beyond just the traditional bonds of marriage is something that we all do. But that does sometimes result in jealousies, or worse. Plus, it is not always easy, even in these days of mobile phones, texts, and video chat, to have instant access to the emotional support you need. Not so with poly families where you have more options for hugs, long conversations, or other support.
And since this is Literotica, lets' not forget the sexual aspects of poly. The ability to have multiple partners, guilt fear. Variety is the spice of life.
Though my two personal experiences with poly have shown me that it might be a bit too hot and spicy from some's tastes. Poly also has jealousy, and misunderstandings are more likely the more people are involved.
Both my new husband and I had been in poly relationships before. Initially, we had agreed to poly for ours as well. Then, I suggested that we stick to monogamy, at least for the time being, because I wanted us to focus on our relationship. Four years and a ring later, it is not a decision I regret.
Why we reconsider? I'm not sure. Obviously, at over fifty, the procreation aspect of it is not relevant. Financially, we have been relatively secure, but who knows what tomorrow brings in this scary new world. Sexually, I think we are both satisfied. Emotionally and intellectually, I have never been more stimulated.
But that unknown, that instability and uncertainty of death is a significant weakness. He has faced that dilemma already. I am his second wife, after the death of his first whom he had been married to for twenty-five years. I don't doubt he could get out there again.
I am not so confident that I could, though. It took me thirty-five years, two failed marriages, a disastrous long term relationship, and two-hundred-eighty-nine lovers to find one good man. What are my chances as a fat middle-aged woman of finding another? Indeed, being a poly relationship with already established trust would make that more likely.
But we're not rushing out to look. Nonetheless, these challenging times have reinforced my belief that while poly may not have worked for me, I do believe it is the best long term option for the continuation of the human species, for raising children, and providing a stable, loving home to all its members.
- COMMENTS
Yes! As a choice. Lose the guilt, fear and repression associated with sex n relationships. Teach n exemplify open ethics. Embrace that for some, possibly many people, poly in any form (with consent, communication, safety) is the way of the future. More science, more choice, more freedom to be oneself and include whoever is best fit into your circle. Into your family. Pro-choice in all matters related to gender, sex, and reproductive health. Good read.
I think it’s an interesting take, with a death being “cushioned” in some sense. I don’t agree that it’ll be the way forward. I think monogamy actually is socially stabilizing. If you think incels now are bad, imagine codifying polygamy in law. I’m sorry, but I think that there would likely be a lot more violence.
———-
I’m not sure about the greater resources. It’s an idea, that in theory seems to work, but I’m not sure that everyone will totally be on board. What if you make more money, but as a result, you’re working more? Perhaps that would give alone time to the other(s) and you feel as though you’re neglected.
———
TLDR; I think polygamy/non-monogamy can be a fanciful idea for some, but in practice, is too difficult and complex to be societally scaled up.
skanks wanting lots of dick. end of stange dick. sorry, this idea won't wash. Blech.
Monogamous married sex tends to get routine, lustless and less frequent. Monotonous monogamy is the major cause of sexual ennui that invites nonconsensual adultery with two thirds of husbands and half of wives cheating. Couples try to spice it up marital sex again with some success with toys, games, flirting, etc. More daring couples try consensual non-monogamy lifestyles like open marriages, swinging, shared/hot wife, polyamory and other variations. Basically, monogamy is a myth and life for the majority of married couples.
I believe it would be a net positive for the world if it was polyandry; polygyny not so much.
My partner and I live an alternative lifestyle. We found out when we wanted kids, getting married was essential or advantages for boring yet important things like insurance, taxes, mortgages etc etc etc etc...
When you are married, each spouse has certain rights (one of the most important is the right to a share of the roof over your head should you split, unless you are renting). If you are in a poly relationship and is not one of the legally married party, you are likely not to have such rights (when it goes wrong) and if you happen to be the stay at home party, you need to not only find a new home but also a new job (practical thought how are you going to explain your career break? No clue how you are going to sue for “alimony” but you will be entitled to child support if you did have a child)
We are fine with different partners (BDSM or otherwise) or friends with benefits but not any form of poly relationship because there will always be a party with significantly disadvantaged rights and that is ultimately not fair to that party. Plus I would have no idea how to explain such an arrangement to the kids and I have a difficult enough time explaining to them why The Fifty Shades of Grey is a terrible representation of BDSM
I do believe Tara has some valid points but it really depends on those in the relationship.
My wife and I had a poly a decade ago, a triad of MFM and it lasted three years. After three years she decided to end it with the other M as he was getting too controlling. Now, she's 100% disabled and can no longer hold a job, do housework or have a regular sex life. I am overwhelmed with being her full-time caretaker and holding down my full-time job and keep the household running.
When we were married, our vows did not contain a promise of "none other" or having to be faithful. However, I do take the part seriously of "in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part."
In our case, with the right woman, a poly relationship might be the answer for us. Someone who is very giving and knows how to take care of the disabled, can run the household, and someone who can and wants to satisfy my sexual needs.
I have identified such a lady, a friend, wanting to participate in a poly triad with us long-term. She is a younger woman (19 years younger) who has very stunning beauty and is a licensed caretaker. However, my wife needs some convincing as she doesn't like to share me with another woman. My wife knows I am stretched too thin so she's agreed to have this younger woman live with us but thinks she is way too pretty. The younger woman wants stability, love and to have a baby. Her previous relationships have stifled her and she's never really been able to explore and develop her own life interests and hobbies.
Certainly, I'm not complaining but we will see how this goes... I think it will all hinge on my wife's ability to deal with jealousy and how the relationship between the two women forms. I'd like to see a older-younger sister relationship form and that seems to be their intention as well.
Being married to someone who is the love of my life but for whom one man is not enough to love (she has a heart with many rooms), I would say it may work, but only for a small percentage of the world population.
Many stars, because the story provides food for thought.
Keep up the good work!
You can just as easily be monogamous and choose to not have children. In fact, since the advent of multiple methods of procreation control that simply did not exist before the last 75 years or so, it has never been easier to NOT have children.
In my opinion, polygamy in any form invites multiple stressors into a relationship that do not exist in a monogamous ones. You mentioned some like jealousy and misunderstandings, but there are also some of the same failures that exist in monogamy. You have access to multiple partners, but that doesn't stop you from being attracted to more. At what point do your existing partners become annoyed or offended that you can't stop adding new people to the mix?
I can't speak for everyone, but I will say that I have had friends who either were into swinging or polygamy. Many times they tried to get me and/or my wife involved. We chose to stay monogamous and recently celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. I can't recall any of them making it past nine or ten. Obviously that is just an anecdotal blip given how many marriages and relationships fail, but I still believe that we as a species still do best with monogamous or serial monogamous relationships.
I don't claim to be the most knowledgeable or experienced on this subject, but I've known a few people who have gone down this road. It seems great going in, but it never works in the long term. A monogamous relationship is hard enough to maintain at times, start throwing in multiple people's jealousy, fears and insecurities and it's like a circus juggling act. And just like a juggling act the ball gets dropped eventually. Besides, I am more of a "what's mine is mine" kind of guy.