Real Talk: Fantasy Partner

So, you have listened to my trials and tribulations with my polyamorous dating life for awhile now. Let's be honest, it's been several years of comedic tragedy. 😅

But my recent struggles with my mental health have made me far more sensitive to the fact that I don't always receive social queues through the internet, thus dating sites are the bane of my existence. I have been wrestling with self-doubt, guilt, insecurities and poisonous voices in my head lately, but facing them rather than running has made me strong enough to realize that right now, I don't need a "new" someone. I just need to really appreciate the love I currently possess... both sexual and emotional.

I need to reacquaint myself with the person I used to be; when I felt fire in my veins and passion constantly flooding my mind and heart. But when the passion becomes overwhelming, I confess I flounder and find myself grappling and hoping someone will catch me. Over the years, making these audios have been my way of slowing the descent into self-absorption and madness... and of helping me make some sense of my world and the workings of my chaotic brain. Of helping me cope with my unusual level of fear, anxiety, my need to be people pleaser even if it hurts me in the long run and had to go psychologically check myself that my motives for wantin thr treaddt

Some days I imagine you -- great, nebulous, faceless, genderless, perfect, impossible you; individually and as a group -- as that partner I long for that the Universe just hasn't delivered in the flesh. And maybe it hasn't because I have to learn how to be healthy before I can be a good partner for another person in real life first (outside my currently relationships).

So... here it is, 4 am and I'm in need of someone to make me cum so I can finally sleep. If you were here with me, if you were my partner, I would wake you and ask you to fuck me, even though it's the middle of the night. I need you. I'm aching. Please help me. Please be what I'm needing right now... someone to keep me safe and let me cum nice and hard until I can't feel anything but pleasure and peace in your arms. Please be my playmate.

[F4A][introspective][polyamory][ENM][multiple partners][polyguilt][gratitude][middle of night wake up][begging][whimpering][praise][female orgasm][real orgasm][fingering][fisting][exploration][vulnerable][GFE][consent request][gentle and hopeful]