All Comments on 'Retribution, Oh So Bittersweet'
by analasis
- 8 Comments
Not Bad, Not Bad At All,
Well-Written piece, there is nothing more that can be added. Didn't go well on the sound thrashing the invader received, but that's just me.
Pity the scoring goes up to only Five, was worth more than that :)
and, as the saying goes, you had me at 'choate'
Cheers and thanks,
Kemptly,
Kilroy.
you toss phrases like 'inchoate anguish"(I'm assuming it was a typo?) around in a flurry of incongruent or at least chronologically discordant verse, which in my case lent amusement and uniqueness to this almost "flash" story. Good luck in future endeavors here but I'd quickly lose the lofty prose lest you be mistaken for C3po in an S&M club.
...you got Kilroy here representing your average readership(a five buddy? get real)-and he thinks "choate" is a word! (Other than the name of what is now "Choate Rosemary Hall" prep school). Priceless.
Choate, by itself might not be a recognised word, but 'inchoate' is, and it means un-formed, ethereal.
Choate, by back-formation [and you saw it here first, folks] therefore means 'well-formed'.
Points are gained for a) knowing inchoate, and b) willing to risking it in forming a negative.
Kilroy of the kempt.
He should have strapped her, too. And then left.
You describe so well your love for her, even though she has betrayed you.
Horrible dialog. No one speaks in such stilted, formalistic language. Melodramatic to a fault.