The Cost

When I first discovered this site I sampled as many authors as I could. One of the most memorable stories I ever read was "Scenes From A Marriage" by Ohio. No sex, no violence, just pain from a marriage crumbling into ruin due to a cheating wife. Read it if you haven't already.

This is my version of the discovery of an affair, and the aftermath, including the 'revenge'

of the wronged husband.

This is for you, Ohio.

.............................................

She was home by 9:30.

She was always home by that time on Thursday, sometimes a little earlier. Couldn't be too careful.

It was always 10:15 on the dot when he came home from his lodge meeting. You could set a clock by it. Her father got him into it, he only went along with it to please them both. But, after he joined, he found he enjoyed the civic service aspect. He was so good at organizing fundraisers and social events that he was nominated and elected to the board of governors. As chairman of the Scholarship Committee, he worked long and hard to raise support and garner money for the project. Thanks to his efforts they were able to fund two community college scholarships a year for deserving young people.

She made sure she was clean and presentable when he got home. Sometimes she would be in bed, but often she would wait up and they would talk about the day, how the scholarship fund was progressing, the mundane things people who were married chatted about before bed. Sometimes they made love, but usually just snuggled until they slept.

The first glimmer things could be wrong came when she pulled into the driveway. She couldn't get into the garage, his car was parked at an angle blocking both doors. A feeling of unease gripped her as she got out. He had talked to her just moments before and she had told him she was at home.

Damn, she loved this house. A firm believer in apartment living, she had let him talk her into this place when the lease was up for renewal.

It was a fairly new three bedroom house, on a small lot. The selling point was the porch, wrapping completely around the house. There was a swing under the ceiling fans up front. They would often sit under them, swinging slightly, enjoying the warm summer nights.

She was sharp enough to know what he was up to. This was a family house. In her mind she could even see the swing set and kiddie pool in the enclosed backyard.

One of the happiest moments in her life up to then happened last month, while they were putting in a new flower bed. She threw a little potting soil at him to get his attention.

"Hey you."

"Hey yourself. Did I miss a spot?"

"No. I just needed to tell you I'm ready."

"No you're not. We haven't put the fertilizer or lime down yet. We have to mix it in before we plant."

"Not that ready. Ready to have a baby ready."

It's a good thing flower beds are soft, she thought, as he dove on her and pressed her down.

The lovemaking afterwards was slow, gentle, more in line with swapping souls instead of bodily fluids. She had never felt so loved. Most surprising were the tears he shed. He was always so calm, so in control.

She stepped on the porch, heading for the front door, trying to be as quiet as possible.

"Hi, Les."

She jumped. He was sitting in the swing. The porch light wasn't on and she hadn't noticed him.

"Jesus, Kenny. You scared me. Come on, let's go inside."

"No, come sit by me for awhile. Let's enjoy the breeze for a few minutes."

He patted the space beside him on the swing.

"Where were you? You said you were here, but you weren't when I got home."

She shifted uncomfortably on the swing.

"Oh, I wasn't sleepy. I remembered I was almost out of gas and didn't want to try to get it in the morning, so I ran down to the corner market."

The car only had a quarter tank, she hoped he didn't check it.

He reached out and held her hand.

"Really? I could have sworn you just returned from the Hideaway Motel over on Fifth. Room 69, kind of funny, huh? That is the room, isn't it? Jerry is kind of superstitious about things like that. Isn't this where you usually meet every

Thursday from 6:30 until 9:00?"

She gasped and tried to pull her hand back, but he had a firm grip and wouldn't let go.

"Relax, Les. I'm not going to hurt you. But I want you to promise to listen without interruption. I promise it will be your turn to speak and me to listen when we're done. Will you do that for me? Good."

She was hunched over, drawing up into a little ball, snuffling audibly. He resumed talking in a quiet, toneless voice.

"When I first found out, I refused to believe it. One of your friends saw you, and no, I don't know which one, she sent me an email from a public account."

"At first, I ignored it. But the seed had been planted, and it sprouted, gripping crevices in my brain until I finally had to get rid of it by disproving it. So I checked."

"I had a friend watch the house for me. Do you have any idea how revolting it is to ask some one to do that? Especially when he's a friend to both of us."

"This favor may have ended my friendship with him. It was terrible watching him fight his emotions as he gave me the rundown. He even had

photos of you and him going into and coming out of the motel room, including the hello and goodbye kisses. Just lucky for us he doesn't know who the man was. He tends to avoid me now, I think the pain he saw that day in my face is what he sees now every time he looks at me."

Small sobs were escaping. She tried to speak but he put his fingers gently to her lips.

"Hush now, you promised to listen first."

He held his fingers to her until he felt a small nod.

"Good. I'll try not to take too much longer."

The porch light wasn't on, the only illumination to the scene was what light slipped through the living room drapes. Even though he continued to speak in a calm, even tone, his face was a mask of pain and anguish. But in the darkness she couldn't see it.

"When he showed me the pictures, I swear the sound of my heart breaking almost deafened me. Literally, my ears were ringing. But as I thought about it, I felt I needed to know why. Why could you two do this to us?

For the first time his calm broke, and a shuddering sob slipped out. He breathed deeply for a minute, fighting for control.

"Your own sister, Leslie, how could you. When your mom died she stepped in and practically raised you. You have to know, at fifteen the last thing she would want was the responsibility of a nine year old. But she stepped up. Missed dates, dances, school activities so she could be available for you. Your Dad told me one year money was so tight that she gave up Christmas so you could have something under the tree. She loved you more like a daughter than a sister. You know she will eventually find out."

"Even though she deserves the truth, I'll never tell her. I love her too much to inflict such pain. Maybe she can forgive Jerry, she's the best woman I know. But forgiving you, Les, I don't know if even her heart is that big."

Tears were rolling down her cheeks, gaining in speed and volume as she realized for the first time the repercussions of her acts. She remembered the thrill, the smugness of knowing a secret, of getting away with something. It seemed so childish to her now.

Her mind was already seeking ways of damage control, hoping desperately she could fix this. How could she have been so stupid? But deep down she knew he loved her so much he would forgive her anything.That was her anchor, her rationalization that even if she was caught he would never leave her. For the first time, doubts crept in.

"I had to know, Les. Why? It was consuming me. So I bugged your purse."

"Remember that spiffy little flashlight I bought for you? It was also a voice activated recorder. Amazing what you can find on the net these days."

"You know what amazed me? There didn't seem to be any spark between you. It was like, we're here, let's fuck so we can get home to our families."

"He even referred to it once as 'knocking off a quick piece', and you were giggling and agreeing.

If it meant so little to both of you, why did you do it?"

"Oddly though, that gave me hope. If it meant so little then maybe it was going to end soon. Had that happened, I would have took my knowledge of your affair to the grave."

"I had a plan. I was going to change my habits, make it hard for you to keep your meetings. My thinking was that if it meant so little and I was making it difficult to get together, throw just enough hints to scare you, you two would just give up."

"I even removed the recorder from your purse. But then I did something stupid. I listened to it. Want to know why I cried when you said you were ready to have our baby? It was because of that and to me, it meant you affair had run its' course."

He stopped, talked out for a bit. He held her hand and rocked for a bit, shushing her when she tried to speak, reminding her she would get her chance later. After a bit he started again.

"Then I listened to that damn tape. That was your undoing, Les."

"I heard you tell him that this was the last time.

When he said 'forever?' I swear I heard angels.

But it was demons, gnashing their teeth in glee."

"If you can't remember your answer I've still got the tape."

He hit the button on the tape, and she heard her world end by her own words.

"Of course not, Jerry. Just long enough to get pregnant. I love him, and I want to be sure it's his. Two weeks after the doctor confirms I'm preggers, you'll be back in the saddle. We may have to meet more often, all my friends say being pregnant makes you horny all the time. Just be glad Kenny will be there to take up the slack."

Even in the dark Kenny could see the paleness in her face. Rapid, shallow breathing indicated the start of hyperventilation. He waited until her breathing returned to normal.

"You have no idea what went through my head, Les. Ugly things, things so vicious and vile I'm ashamed they occurred to me. I was going to destroy you. maybe kill Jerry. A slow miserable, torturous death."

"Finally I calmed down and thought it through rationally. I've been considering what to do for the last two weeks. It took me a while but I came up with the perfect revenge. I bet you're dying to know, aren't you Les?"

She was terrified.

"Well, honey, here it is. It was so simple I don't know why it didn't occur to me earlier."

"You don't get to love me anymore. It will never again be Kenny and Les. From now on it's just Kenny, just Leslie. We are no longer one."

"We'll never have children. The two girls I wanted because I thought there should be more like you in the world will never be. The little boy with your grace and my size? He will never exist."

"We'll never go to Lamaze class together, I'll never rub your tummy with lotion to minimize your stretch marks, I'll never hold your hand and cut the cord in the birthing room. The childhood illness, seeing them off to kindergarten, middle school, high school graduation, college, will never happen."

"No birds and bees talks, no celebrating sports triumphs, consoling them when they lose, no driving lessons. No losing sleep when they first start dating. No grandchildren."

"When your hands tremble so bad you can't cut the cake celebrating your golden anniversary it won't be mine helping you steady. You'll never get to grieve me nor I you when one of us finally passes."

"This house we both love so much? I rescinded the offer to buy. We'll never own it together. It will never hold another memory of us."

Finally his tears came.

"You killed us, Les, just as sure as if you put a gun to our heads and pulled the trigger. I've thought about it a lot. I'm tired of thinking, tired of crying, tired of feeling lost and alone.

There has to be a good woman out there looking for a guy whose only talent is loving her completely, knowing his love and trust will never be betrayed."

"Not next week, not next month, but soon, Les, soon I'll start looking."

"She has to be out there somewhere."

He let go of her hand and stood, absently brushing his pants.

"I'm going now Les. I've already took what I wanted. It was very little, I wanted nothing to remind me of you. I didn't take one picture of you, or of us together. I've got enough mental images to last me the rest of my life."

He walked to the end of the porch and turned.

"I hope you find someone, Les. Remember this when you do. I'm not leaving town or changing jobs, so we'll see each other from time to time. Please don't embarrass us by trying to talk. I'll walk away. Quietly if I can, loud and rudely if I have to."

"One more thing and I'll go. It's up to you to tell your family. You made the mess, clean it up anyway you want, as long as you don't make me the bad guy. Just say we couldn't make it work and I'll back you."

"Oh, I forgot. One more thing. Tell Jerry to stay away from me. If I'm at a bar, or restaurant, or any public place and he sees me he should leave. I would never physically hurt you, but he deserves nothing and honestly, I don't know if I would even want to control my anger."

He was about to get in his car when the shock started to wear off. Running to him, she grabbed his arm.

"Wait, please wait. You told me I could talk when you were done. Please sit back down. Let me explain, beg if I need to. I swear I'll never touch another ever again."

He gently removed her arm.

"Les, never, and I mean NEVER, touch me again. I just did something I swore I would never do to you. I lied. I don't want to talk to you, don't want to hear you explanation or justification, don't want to hear your promises. We're done, Les. You don't know how sorry I am."

He never said another word, just got into his car and left. She sat on the front steps, crying uncontrollably as he pulled away.