All Comments on 'The Good Provider Ch. 01'
by Plainly_Jane
- 12 Comments
I really like how you gave alot of background on the characters. I hope this means you will continue with this story, hint, hint.
I can't wait to see where you take Matt and Colleen next. Good build-up, too.
but just one question for you.
You said she was forced to move home.
Then you write she offers to go stay at her Mothers place.
Which is it? Is she living at home or her brothers?
Just a little inconsistent in that part.
not so hot, as this has to be a foretaste of somthing bigger to follow, but from a technical pov... outstanding.
flawless. now, if you follow this up you'll have a winner.
seriously good, Jane.
A fairly short piece but filled with a lot of information about Colleen. Nice slow development. A bit unusual to have a 31 year old sister and a 36 year old brother but it's a nice change from the usual teens we see in these stories. Looking forward to part 2.
You write with care which is totally unexpected of a novice. I have seen writers with volumes to their name who don't take the time to polish their work. Granted this is a free site, but attention to the end product is what keeps us punters coming back again and again.
So, how is the remainder progressing? I need to bookmark your page.
Sorry I have to be anonymous, but I seem to have misplaced my login details. I will set that right soon.
although i was left wanting more, i really respect your piece. writing and spelling/grammatical errors totally kill the mood. glad to see you put effort into your writing, even when it's not about the sex. more, please!
Very nicely written. Talent, skill and caring about getting things right. Refreshing to see something other than a "grab your cock and jack off" story. I hope you will continue this story, a lot of potential here for a "grab your cock and jack off" story.haha About your bio. If you are a "curvy" woman, not a thing wrong with that, as long as you are happy and healthy with it. Oh, a hint if this is fact or fiction would be nice. Thank you. Richard
Wow, where have you been, Plainly_Jane? This is an amazing chapter. Like the other commenters have said, your attention to detail is superb. I can see the characters, hear them; they are developed and real. I can't wait for future chapters. Thank you for sharing this excellent piece.
A nice story with a good introduction to the characters, but I would've liked a bit more heat. A little sex in the opening chapter, to pique my interest. I will keep my eyes on this to see where you plan to go.
good story line and was well done, and presented well, she seemed reserved but yet had potentials of having another side. going to the next part Thanks