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Click here"Keep going lover! Fuck this bitch and make her understand she is YOUR woman now! Enjoy her body, use her mind and skills, and own her soul!"
I do love how my Jessica inspires me.
Astrid was down between my legs sucking my balls and letting her fingers caress my thighs after she got my pants down. Her other hand started playing with Alyssa's clit while I humped away and we all three got in a matching rhythm. Man that was some sweet fucking action I'm telling you.
I lasted about three minutes of this while Jessica whispered in my ear about owning Alyssa, Astrid and her, and get turned my face to hers and kissed me right as blew a full load right into Alyssa's pussy. Alyssa screamed and thrashed, Astrid laughed and Jessica and I kissed.
I staggered back and knocked Jessica and myself onto a chair. I sat there getting my breath back and looked at Astrid. She was smiling up at me while licking her fingers clean of pussy juice and cum. Alyssa was draped over the couch with only her red stocking clad legs, heels and bare ass showing. I snapped my fingers a couple of times.
"Hey Alyssa! Wake up. Get over here and lick me clean." I called out.
Alyssa slowly pulled herself up. Her makeup was a mess and her hair had the "I just got fucked" look to it. She stumbled over, got on her knees and started to lick me clean. Jessica eased out from under me and smiled.
"Well, I will go touch up. Astrid, you're next. Alyssa, once you are done, come in and we will get you presentable. We have a big night tonight."
Alyssa nodded as she gave me a nice long slow lick on my cock.
"Oh yes, a VERY big night." I thought.
- COMMENTS
Great story but yeah you need an editor lol. Where is cypress, do you mean cyprus?
When Astrid first talks about Lily, she says that she would not do it as a favor because she doesn't do drugs. A few paragraphs later, she says that they do a lot of drugs to make Lily relax. It's the little things that make the story.
I like that the flashbacks at the beginning of the story are actually tying into the chapter, the foreshadowing really makes the front end not seem like fluff.
I truly enjoyed the series. I'm looking forward to continuing following the escapades. You might be a little more creative with the sex and please don't forget about mother/daughter action. Jessica could use a little payback
In my world, there are no 5's. Fantastic series, and I'm enjoying it. Please continue!
I don't know why others are so weirded out by the split personality part of the story. To me that was one of my favorite parts of almost any mind control literotica story. Its creative and better than the generic "you wanna fuck me" or "you're horny right now".
I really hope you keep going with that aspect because imo that and the betting is what sets you apart from the other mind control stories. Don't let others deter you from innovation. If you were to keep pushing this aspect and have girls do stuff they're not even aware of and go more in detail it would be amazing.
tldr tho don't let people deter you from what you're doing. All your stories are getting 4.5+ so you know you're doing well. (Don't even let me who LOVES the subliminal stuff more than the direct stuff change your writing you got a good thing going and i hope it doesn't end anytime soon)
Love the way the story is going And progressing. Can’t wait for the next chapter.
I strongly disagree with anon. It's not gone off track at all. Yes, the whole spy thing is a bit over the top, but it's a mind control story. It's supposed to be a bit outlandish. Or does anon really believe in mind control, and that one can assume control by betting?
The story has been consistent throughout its telling. Our hero is having a series of adventures and he finds success and overcomes his failures by use of his gift. It's basically a condensed, erotic James Bond with MC.
I just have one suggestion. At some point Astrid and Jessica, or some other mom/daughter or sisters duo, needs to get it on. No red blooded straight man would have this type of power and not utilize it for that purpose. I damned sure would.
As to your editor problem, yeah you have a few typos and wording issues, but I have never been that concerned unless it is truly awful and pulls my attention from the story. Your worst mistake, imo, was the drugs/no drugs thing. That was pretty glaring. Otherwise, not bad. If you still need one though, I don't know of any I personally contacted, but check out any Silkstockingslover story. She always lists three or four she used, plus there is one she formerly used, Goamz.
Hope to see much more of our hero. This story could have a really long shelf life if you don't get too redundant. And you have avoided that trap so far. So give us more please.
Best wishes
Jedd
But it’s gone wildly, hilariously off the track. Good luck with your next story.
Everyone, I read through this and found a couple of errors in spelling and mis-types/wrong words. I also said one thing and then promptly stated the exact opposite (Lily not doing drugs and then saying they did some drugs before they went out). I want to state I'm sorry for that and I hope that doesn't ruin the story for you. They are minor errors, but even a minor error can put you off.