All Comments on 'What You Wish For'
by bodyfluids
- 8 Comments
Punctuation. Commas, periods, exclamation points and yes, definitely quotation marks. Maybe it's just Me but I got lost within whatever timeline you were shooting for. I couldn't immediately tell if what you were saying was past or present. The story line shows promise and I will watch for more.
3 stars for now.
Loved the start of your story and want more. Please more I'm sitting here in a puddle. xoxoxo Annette
How about when they walk out, they just keep walking? In a market full of people leave. And what about the drug? If he used too much, she died. Too little has no effect. And to tell Tom to take his dick out was laughable. This is a guy used to giving orders, not taking them. He would have laughed at Lao. This whole mess was so improbable and so implausible I'm STILL laughing.
So hot. They need more of Lao's power over them. Fascinated by the scene in the club.
Thanks to all who took the time to read. There is more on the way.The couple's fortunes go downhill. I am particularly grateful to those who commented on the work. I shall try to improve on the grammar. I shall look to remove any confusions.Please note that ALL time is in the present. Regarding drug effects. Research suggests that such control as I described is feasible. Ellie walked to the taxi. She was dressed as I described . i.e.dress partially open. With hindsight that part might have been made clearer.maybe she should have been helped. I have visited such places in Pat pong with my wife and exhibitionism takes place. Pat pong is surprisingly small.
Enjoyed the story and premise tremendously!! I love stories of intelligent, arrogant naïve couples that are brought down a peg or two or better yet ruined. Wish there was more character development and emotion in the story rather than just descriptive but do love what you have written so far. Please write more!!
I honestly thought it was satire because of the impossible situations you created. Pulling out of an 8 million dollar deal with no financial repercussions? I mean, wow, the legal fees alone, not to mention the lawsuits it would generate would leave this couple living under a bridge