All Comments on 'WSIM24B Ch. 01'
by AspernEssling
- 30 Comments
Interesting setup and I'll certainly read more but the thing about everyone cooking for themselves is weird. There are economies of scale. They would all have come out ahead if they took turns cooking for everyone, and I'd expect that crowd to figure that out.
Great start! Interesting setup. Diverse and intriguing characters. And a good pace. I'm in. Your MC does seem a little different than the MCs in your other series, which I like. Should make for a nice change.
I would comment, but what can I say that has not been said repeatedly.
Loved it!
Talk about off to a running start, promising a new tale to Intrigue us completely- - just like how you intrigued him with Erika!
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How you pace the story amazes me: you progress all the action at a reasonable clip; you speed it up and slow it down to reflect things like action and exhaustion. There's never a time where I feel the story slows too greatly, nor does it rush through something to leave it feeling undone or unattended. I think this is probably one of your other greatest skills in how you tell stories, because there's never a time where I think you really missed something important. It strikes me especially true in this story that yeah, you've got it accounted for and you know where you're going from start to finish.
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I wanted to especially focus on Erika as a character, because you truly surprised me how you wrote her: do you know that you wrote her exactly according to what her name and personality both imply? Normally, Erika basically means someone that is a warrior or someone that's exceptionally strong, as it's a Scandinavian name. However, the name is also a very responsible one, and very dedicated in nearly every way. What really caught my eye is that because of the fierce nature the name implies, she doesn't tend to look so feminine - - and guess what you did? You intrigued us by making Thorn think hard and be equally intrigued with her. I know there's at least a few readers that miss that careful little twist of phrase or situation that you like to use, but I've come to expect it from you and you really have mastered it well! I certainly love how you build both of them up; I'm just hoping you do get them together on a more permanent basis, because typically when you pair up a male and female character like this, you intend to at least have them in seriously recurring roles - - if not committed to each other somewhere down the line. I could be wrong on this, but typically you only throw curve balls when it deals with the plot or a person that you're really trying to mislead a song - - kind of like Becca- - who was also very impulsive very impish, and very much one that reflected the qualities of her name.
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Of course I loved it, so I favorited it; you already had me as a follower since years back; you've hooked me once again, and I am so looking forward to this ride.. because I'm here there hasn't been a huge amount of quality submissions lately, and this is exactly the type of stuff that I love to sink my teeth into. Thanks for such a marvelous read, as I so appreciate your effortlessly-flowing story free of grammatical errors, and thank you for such wonderful transitions that seamlessly lead us without leading us if you know what I mean. Exceptionally well done, and of course you have earned a 5! I'm looking forward to the rest, man. May the Force continue to be with you! 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Great world building (again) and characters, even for secondaries (as always). Steamy times were great too!
And the story had me hooked up at the end of page one.
Great writing as usual, I'm really looking forward to reading the next chapter:)
Color me intrigued. Really liking this and I want to see where it’s going
"Honestly, if the mere presence of the opposite sex is enough to distract a cadet from his studies, what's that guy going to do when he becomes an officer, and temptation is all around?"
Excellent argument for removing women from the military, that. Not that arguments are lacking, or needed.
That feminist tripe is so tiresome.
Wonderful start and very interesting. Potentially great characters - time will tell. Much to look forward to.
If it's half as good as Westrons we're in for the cracking read!
Great stuff.
VEry glad you're back, AspernE.
Anonymous with the "excellent argument" two comments down - I would suppose it's an equally excellent argument for removing men from the military. Not that arguments are lacking, or needed.
Sci-fi spy thriller? My expectations are high and I look forward to the rest. I just hope there are aliens. (But I will read it regardless)
I thoroughly enjoyed Westrons and this first chapter has great promise. I’m looking forward to the upcoming chapters.
Thank you so much. What a great first chapter. Loved the characters and the writing. So so good
This is awesome. So much to praise, but I'll be brief.
The amount of implied subtext in Erika's precarious liaison location choice (plus Thorn's real-time reading of it) was breathtakingly good, transforming a sex scene into a meta-cognitive _spy-novel_ sex scene. This effect was magnified by Thorn's prior partner progression -- silent and anonymous, alluring but fleeting 'Destiny' (lol), Becca (the honey-trap reversed into an asset) -- each working progressively to underscore not only how masterfully manipulative Erika can be, but also how skilled a player Thorn is by his real-time reading of her choice. AE is demonstrating that everything in this story is going to be off kilter, too. Beautifully done.
I really like that Thorn is kind of a dick, too. Spies are not nice people.
Finally I'm happy you're returning to the Westron universe. You left a lot of it on the cutting-room floor getting from space opera to the monarchical military milieu. I'm excited to see what you do with all of that.