Your Love Made Me Blind

You were now staying at Jayden's Apartment. Not giving a fuck in the world what you were smoking, what you put in your body, or who the hell you were with. You just didn't care anymore.

There would always be a time when you would regret trying weed for the first time, 2 months ago to be exact, cause in effect of putting all that shit in your body, it caused you to lose it. You thought it was whatever cause you couldn't raise a baby in this condition. Once in a while you would decide to slit your wrists in return for being stupid and putting all this into your body.

Slitting your wrists also helped you get through with this whole Justin situation. You knew it was your fault this all happened and that's why you did it. You haven't seen or talked to Justin in so long now, that he finally gave up in calling you and texting you cause you fully shut your phone off and got a new number.

Your parents were still in New York staying for the summer, which was a long time from now, so one less thing you had to worry about. You let everything about your body go..Your routine for everyday was sleep, weed, eat, and fuck almost every guy you laid eyes on, cause you thought you weren't good enough for anything, so doing it all made you feel better, in some sort of twisted way.

****Flashback ****

There was one night were you were in bed with some guy named Josh. He was sweet and had an amazing body that fitted his amazing personality. You two were both just laying in bed, after about 2 hours of hard core fucking, you both ran out of things to say so you were guessing he was thinking it was a good time to watch T.V.

It took him about 5 minutes to flip through a bunch of channels to settle on a decent one, but there was one that caught your attention. It was the movie, "The Notebook" .

Anything that had to do with romance, commercials, anything, it just killed a bit of you inside. Reminding you of the painful, happy memories Justin and you used to share. You could now feel emotions start to fight it's way through and force you to tear up.

**Changing to first person**

"I'm sorry Josh, I'll be right back,"

I dashed out the door. I needed air... I just needed air. I then started to walk, not knowing where the hell I was going, but just kept on walking and walking. I was getting close to a bunch of houses but kept my distance from them. I could see in the corner of my eye an alley.

"Short cut," I thought.

I wanted to just run away...escape everything...all my troubles and memories I had in this dreadful place. But I knew that was impossible. The sun was rapidly setting in the sky, and the darkness was closing in on me as I slowly entered the alley, reconsidering if this was a good idea or not. But too late, I was already walking into it.

I thought I heard a couple of noises behind me and quickly jerked my head in a 360 motion a few times, but saw nothing of any sort there.

So I just kept walking and walking. I thought the weed in my body might be kicking in, so I just ignored it every time I heard any noises. Then, suddenly, I heard a nasty, ominous, crunch that pierced through my ears and rang...... I stopped on my tracks. I knew this time this it wasn't the weed... there was someone else here.

I walked as fast as my legs could carry me, desperately wanting to look behind me, to see if the person was getting closer. Fear got the better of me though, so I kept my head down and paced ahead. My heart was pounding so fast, it felt like I was on the verge of a heart attack. I just kept running as the cold fall air brushed against my almost nude body, and my cold, red cheeks.

I was wearing nothing but a mini shirt that only covered half my ass, a skimpy little t-shirt that showed more than it should. Ever since I left the house a few minutes ago, I regretted on not taking a coat. I hastily turned a corner, in the hope of get closer to my housing estate. But the continuous rows of darkness were all that greeted me.

I knew from the moment I left the house, my body wasn't gunna be up for running. I couldn't take it anymore and my body fell to the ground,falling head first. I yelped in pain but didn't have the strength to move any part of my body.

Then I heard that same ominous leaf crunch, coming from behind. I stopped breathing for a moment. My whole body froze in terror. The thudding of my heart must have been echoing throughout the alley, it was banging in my ear drums.

Now he was close enough so that I could feel his hot breath on my neck. I cringed and flinched every time he exhaled. Even if I called out for help, my pleas wouldn't be heard in the dense alley. My shadow was slowly fading away with the disappearing sunlight.

His footsteps pounded the pavement behind me... I tried to block out all of my surroundings.

Everything became a distant blur and the next thing I knew he was holding a tight grip on my waist... his cold hands were firmly secured around me, and he roughly flipped me over.

This was the first time I'd seen his face. He was a middle aged man, mid thirties, I guess. His face was stubbly and his dark, greasy hair stuck to his scalp. I opened my mouth to let out a blood curdling scream, but his dirty hand was quickly slammed onto it.

In an attempt to break free, I tried kicking him and slapping him, but he was strong, nothing I did seemed to affect him.

I could taste the nicotine on his fingers and I could smell the liquor in his breath. When he moved his hand away from my mouth, seeing my chance, I screamed my lungs out.

He raised his fist and punched me. Over and over. The pain soared all over my face. He then slammed it onto my stomach. I never felt so much pain before in my life.

I buckled in half with the shear force and pain. He then started to unbuckle his trousers. Oh no. This couldn't be happening. I started to cry and shake uncontrollably... praying I'd wake up from this nightmare.

I felt so helpless, all of my strength was slowly draining from my body, with each kick and slap and punch.

He slid his hands up my waist, slowly lifting my top. He dragged it off, over my head. My lips were quivering with fear...body bruised and shaking. Then he pulled my skirt down, as much as I attempted to resist, nothing seemed to be working.

His touch was repulsive. He swiftly removed his trousers and thrust into me.

I've never experienced anything like it before.

I couldn't move, couldn't do anything, I felt so pathetic.My body was completely numb. Every last piece of my energy was gone, all I could do was lie there was just cry and wait for it all to end.

I wanted to die .

He was laughing the whole time, clearly enjoying my pain. It sickened me.

He finally left with one last, excruciating punch to my stomach, laughing away into the darkness.

I was now left alone in the cold fall night in the middle of a alley stripped down naked and swollen with no help now.... Until I heard a voice coming towards me once again as my body froze in even more fear...

I could hear faint voices, it felt like I wasn't fully awake...like I was dreaming. All I knew was that pain was everywhere, and I was cold.

My body was now frozen and I wanted to scream for help, but I wasn't sure if that was the best idea at this point, cause I wasn't sure if whoever was coming was help or another guy to come over and kill the fuck out of my body more. So I sat there in pain just holding onto my stomach that was covered with blood from my face and forming bruises.

The air was cold and goose bumps were starting to form around my body as I lay helplessly on the ground.

Cying, shivering, and not moving.

Did I already say I wanted to die?

I then heard voices coming from near the alley. I stopped crying for a second to hear what they were saying and one of them was asking the other,"You alright? Damn ever since she left... it's she like took you with her.. you don't go out anymore, smile, laugh, have fun ......Man what the hell . It's not like you loved her anyways." I heard one of them say. I could hear their footsteps coming closer, heading my way.

My breathing suddenly stopped and my crying instantly paused, I could feel myself shaking...I admit ... I was scared shitless. But as I heard their footsteps crackling along the pavement of the narrow alleyway, the other voice echoed down and you started to recognize the voice..

"Man shut the fuck up. You don't know shit. She was my ... everything . It sounds corny and all, but she was my everything." --he paused- "Everyday I just.. can't do the same stuff we used to do without her. It feels wrong.. And when she left... yeah she took me with her. I can't help it. It's like a part of me died.. I know I have to move on, since I know she ain't coming back....but ..I..I just..can't....." His voice cracked .

-He continued-

She showed me what love truly is . And nothing she does will ever make me hate her .. nothing . She chose to leave. I let her go. That was my mistake. Letting her go .I guess I fell too hard ."

I could just imagine the shaking of his brown-haired head sadly, feeling regret in every way. It was Justin's voice you were 110% positive. A jolt of electricity went through me. It was Justin ... my Justin.

As they came about 10 footsteps away from you, his friend spotted you and screamed,

"Ohhhh myy gossh, who is laying on the ground over there?!!!!"

They were here instantly right beside me in a blink of an eye. It took him a while to recognize me, but eventually the guy did .

He kneeled next to me and held my face up to the light . Turning it slowly....

I saw his eyes squint and begin to widen as he began to recognize me. After 3 whole months of not seeing it, it took him a while, but he would never EVER forget the face that haunted him in his dreams on those sleepless nights.

I knew every detail of his face perfectly. His hazel eyes, perfect lips, lush hair, cute nose. Everything . I always used to have dreams about him too, even after he left, and him just holding me there and being able to see his face, with me looking like this, killed me inside.

"Oh my god...it can't be....." I heard Justin say... standing up and backing away.

As I looked through my swollen, almost shut eyes, once again, which took a tremendous amount of effort to, I could see him just standing there.

A few feet away... not being able to handle this gruesome scene. Me just lying there, blood all over ... naked ... dimly lit alley...Not the scene he'd want to see me in for the first time in 3 months. It was just too much for him.

He was speechless and I could see tears starting to form in his eyes and stream down his face, his hand covering his mouth, shaking his head probably thinking "This can't be real..."

"Call the hospital!! " His friend shouts at Justin urgently. And the nice guy helped me up.

Justin got out his cell phone ...his hands were shaking so much he couldn't even dial and it dropped with a loud thud on the cement . Voice quivering, Justin managed to ask.. "How..?"

And I couldn't even talk. Couldn't even open my mouth. But I could taste blood in there .

Every single part of my body hurt.

He saw me laying there on the ground curled up in a ball and just wept into his hands ...

"Oh Em ... you have no idea how much I missed you..." He said with red eyes.. looking directly into mine.. and as he saw how swollen they were he wept again, then dried his eyes with his t-shirt.

A tear fell down and rolled down my cheek. I missed him so much too. I wanted to say that and hug him, but being in the condition I was him I just couldn't.

He saw all the black and blue bruises covering my body, and all the slits in your wrists were showing. Without any more hesitation, he knelt down and took off his jacket and laid it on top of me, gently placing his hands on the my face, stroking it .

All our memories coming back to him with every stroke.

"I swear I will kill the person who did this to you." He swore, with an angry, murderous tone, which I have never heard from him before.

In a softer voice he asked me, "...What have you done to your wrists?" Tears falling down his cheeks ever so slowly...It was now such an awkward atmosphere.

He knew I couldn't reply, but he also knew the answer. He held me in his arms, and I just closed my eyes and let my head flop, bobbing up and down with each step as he slowly picked me up having no patience to even wait for the ambulance to come.

"I should have NEVER let you leave" Justin said as he carried me away.

There was another time.

My friend and I were in New York doing some early shopping. My boyfriend, Justin, was going to pick me up in 5 minutes so she said bye to me and drove off in her yellow Porsche. I was freezing and started rubbing the sides of my arms, only wearing a thin white jacket and tight jeans with Uggs.

I began to walk towards where Cole told me to meet him and there was people coming and going until it hit 11 pm. Now it was vacant."Where could he be?" I wondered.. getting worried that something could have happened to him .

Suddenly, I heard a distant, shuffling of feet behind me and big booming voices, joking and laughing. Obviously males.

They sounded like they were drunk . I took a quick, backward glance and began to fidget.. deciding whether to run or not...

"Hey babe, you got one nice ass, " one man shouted. They all laughed and punched him in the shoulder, jokingly.

This is where I decided to run but before I could move one of them put a hand on my shoulder and said to me in a deep voice, "You ain't going nowhere".

A shiver went down my spine.

Memories of when I got raped and kidnapped all came flooding back to me and I started shivering uncontrollably. The scene was just so pathetic, I knew they wouldn't let me go no matter what I did, that's what scared me the most.

"Please.. please don't hurt me,"

I implored suddenly getting to my knees, which even surprised me, tears streaming out of my big green eyes. "I will give you anything.. anything..please...Please!!"

The guys laughed even harder at this.

So then I told them what the guys who previously raped/kidnapped me did to me. I told them every single fucking detail. Every cruel, unthinkable shit they did. I wanted to commit suicide right there, but they didn't even let me do that until they were done with me.

I'm not going to tell you about the other time when I was raped. You would probably throw up and cringe in disgust.

I looked at the man . He was staring at me. His friends behind him stopped laughing and just stared at me after I told them everything .

For minutes there was just silence. And finally one of the guys, probably the leader, said "Let's go." in a quiet voice, and one by one they left, leaving me just standing there .

So now you know I lived a hard life. .. most people would just kill themselves after what I have gone through and end it all immediately, but this guy, Justin. He's the reason why I am alive today .

I was back with him again and my life and I grew from a drug addict to a happy, cheerful person in a short amount of time. That's how fast he changed me. Back to the old me. My family and friends they all missed me and was glad I turned back to normal.

I was back on track now with everything, my body finally healed from all the damage that I did to it or someone else did. Justin really was my everything.

He was sweet, made you feel safe every time he held you in your arms, just one of those guys that respect and know how to treat ladies, perfect man, and lasty, he showed me what love truly was.

Today my parents were out of town and I was all alone in my house so I decided to go to Justin's house for a while. I headed for my car and drove off to his house. Five minutes after I was speeding down the highway as fast as my little old car would go, all I could think of was alone time, with him.

I didn't tell him I was coming, and I know guys hate the pop in, but I really wanted to surprise him, since we're always lacking time together since his parents spilt.

My heart race quickened as I saw his apartment complex, I had to force myself not to sprint up the steps, that was how much of a rush he gives me. I cursed as I saw my reflection in the window. I hadn't taken any time to get ready, I was still in sweats, no makeup, nothing! But I couldn't have cared less it was just my boyfriend. I promptly rung the doorbell, and his roommate Jake answered.

"Hey Em just-"

I put my hand over his mouth, motioning for him not to call Justin .

"In his room?"

"Yes," he said from behind my hand. I patted him on the chest and thanked him as I headed down the short little hallway. I breathed deep, then slowly turned the doorknob.

The quaint little room was completely dark, despite it being daytime. A Five-foot-eight guy shaped lump laid in the middle of his bed. I smiled... I tiptoed quietly to his bed, and softly laid down next to his thin frame. His angelic face was relaxed, his beautiful golden tan skin, soft and flawless as usual. His hair looking like he had just skate boarded. I scooted until I was facing him, and wrapped my arms around his neck, gently kissing at his lips.

"Please don't be a dream, please don't be a dream," he muttered as his eyes clamped tighter shut. They fluttered open quickly, causing the biggest smile to etch across his face like a banner in the sky. He wrapped his strong arms around my body, pulling me to his well sculpted chest.

"You're not dreaming," I giggled and winked at him .

"No, cause my dreams have come true," he kissed me tenderly, his beautiful lips were gently caressing my own.

He pulled his lips away, and caressed my cheek with the back of his soft hand.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well...I didn't want to be all alone in an empty house...all by myself," I replied with an innocent charm as I traced his perfect lips with my finger.

"What about your folks?"

"Gone to New York," I grinned.

"Mmm...well...we wouldn't want you all alone would we," he smiled a friendly smile . Haha, he didn't even mean it to be sexual manner in any way.

"What a guy," I thought, and had to hold in a laugh.

"No...I need a beautiful...strong...sexy man," I ran my hands over his chest. Then over his arms, touching all his hard, firm muscles. His abs. .. haw...they made me weak-kneed just thinking about them.

He kissed my cheek as he scooted me up to his pillow with him.

"So my love, what would you like to do?"

I had something on my mind, but I was too embarrassed to say what. My cheeks blushed a deep red. I looked down, fidgeting with my fingers.

"What," he asked, chuckling softly.

"Nothing."

"You alright?"

"Yes," I laughed softly. Eyes looking down, trying to avoid his.

"What's on your mind?" He asked curiously.

"There's just...something I wanted to do... with you."

"Anything you want sweetheart."

"Well...uhm..." I couldn't help but blush like crazy. He shifted to lie on his side, propped up on his elbow, staring down as I laid flat on my back.

"Spit it out, beautiful."

My tongue tied and I couldn't find the words to tell him how badly I really wanted him. His huge, brown eyes just stared at me, piercing through me. My heart beat fast as I thought about what to do. Then suddenly, adrenaline got the better of me, and I acted without a rational thought.

I grabbed him by the collar, and pulled him down with as much force as I could, crushing my lips to his.. His eyes were huge as I kept pulling him to me, closer and closer until finally he had no choice but to lay on top of me. I reached for his t-shirt, and began to pull it over his head.

His lips pulled off mine instantly, and he sat up. He just stared at me, eyes the size of the moon, silently asking what the hell I was doing.