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Cold rain fell, marriage disolves

Poem Info
Rain falls on all of us
228 words
4.5
915
1
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The cold rain fell to the ground
Fell on the rich, the lost, the found.
The poor lamented the rains cold touch,
Didn't like the cold, not very much.
The cold cold rain came pouring down,
Not much of a sound as it hit the ground.
At night the cold rain tap the soul,
As if it fought for your control
But dark and cold and wet, it comes.
As senseless words pass lips and gums.
No giddy feelings to inspire,
As your heart grieves loss of hearts desire.
Perhaps the rain will wash some sin,
But not relight lost love within.
So rain come down and wash us all,
But cannot help before the fall.
Too bad no way go back and fix.
But she had already got her kix
And if not him, with her that day,
Then perhaps another, who can say?
And marriage done, before the deed,
Before the tryst, insipid seed.
So now the walls came tumbling down,
Love so destroyed without a sound.
Was once a home and now a house,
So soon an ex, who was a spouse.
It use to be, when we were one;
But that was then, and now we're done.
In dark of night, rain tumbles down,
Washes all without a sound.
The rain comes down and washes all,
The good, the bad, the short and tall.

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2 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousalmost 5 years ago
I think I'm a fan!

I love the emotion of this. I do wish it didn't rhyme, for me the feelings would be stronger. It is a brave thing to write it that way. I absolutely love the subtle beauty and tragedy in the way you write.

ag2507ag2507almost 5 years ago

I like it but it still needs work. There are places where the rhythm lets you down: you have fallen into a common trap. As the writer, the rhythm you hear in your head is not the same as the rhythm the reader hears. For example, the first line only works if you assign 2 syllables to fell. You are trying to create a feeling of relentlessness but I kept stunning over rhythmic anomolies.

I've just finished editing a potential prize winning poetry mss. and so have my head ringing with these issues.

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