Out of Body

I was very drunk that night
Round the back of the pub as I took the flight
Of metal steps in the pissing rain.
It was dark, I was cold and late (again),
As I paused halfway up
I thought it would be just my luck
If I slipped in these high shoes,
I could do without another bruise.

Rain was starting to dampen my face
And so I decided to quicken my pace
I paused to look down through metal gaps,
My head spun as I realised I'd go with a smack
Hard on to the concrete below
If these steps gave way - I didn't know
I would give way-
I gave myself away,
Went up those steps water-coloured and weak,
A mouse of a woman yet to speak,
I came back down reborn, uncovered
(That night the old me became another).

As I took the final stair I lost my grip,
My heart jumped I regained it - then I slipped.
I drew in a breath and my head hit the rail,
Then I went backwards as my legs failed,
Slipped through the gap in the step or something
And then...and then I knew blank nothing.
This was a time in my life, a virgin voided place
Where I was in the ether of pitch black space.
Only the blankness of that place holds the sum
Of all memory of the moment - I have none.

Suddenly I could see
But that was all, I couldn't feel me
All I had was open eyes
That looked up at the black night sky.
Thousands - no, millions of diamonds fell down,
Each one glittering, perfect, round!
Made of perfection, of magic beauty,
They were falling onto me!
Not me as a body and face,
I only had eyes in this sparkling place
And as they hit me, they burst
Then more fell but it did'nt hurt.
My eyes were open and numb to it all,
And so I watched the diamonds fall.
Falling, falling just for me
Just my eyes in a magical sea.

Then I heard the driving rain
Felt it hit my hands and face and pain
Shot through my rain-soaked skin,
Then I was back , I was in
Me and I was lying near the bottom of the stairs,
I struggled to get up, very much aware
Something may be broken.
I was alone no one had spoken
To wake me just the cold and rain
Had brought me back to a body of pain.

I went back down and followed the night
As the dimly reflecting lights
Bounced off puddles in a wet concrete world.
It was then that the person hiding, curled
Up tight inside came out,
Through my thoughts and through my eyes,
I saw colour and beauty, became wise
On another level and when
I finally got back home again,
I saw the blood on my face the split that ran deep
Above my left eye a pit of crimson weeping
Blood and in my eyes I saw
Everything that went before
Was gone. Something in me was coming out.
I didn't know that these injurys
Can alter personality.

All I know is I became
The person who I am today,
Not hiding, scared and insecure,
I am confident, sexy, sure
My esteem, sex drive and creativity soared.
I became alive that day
Alive in so many ways,
A new person and that is how Ive stayed.
How much Ive learned since that day!
I write beautiful words that flow from me
Like oils onto a canvas sea,
And my adventures of the carnal kind
Have opened up my heart and mind.
I wouldn't change me back if I had the choice,
No way, I like this life, this face, this voice,
And now the scar is fading I no longer hide it.
A hole in the head's not such a bad thing..
Don't knock it till you've tried it!