- Erotic Poetry
- Vault of Heaven
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Click hereFascination:
rosy contrails,
trembling cream.
This body
vault of heaven,
it opens;
Oh, clever artist.
Turn your nails up
score the sky;
violet swims
beneath the surface;
there are pearls,
ripe as grapes,
behind the door.
Oh, such colors.
Such color.
- COMMENTS
I've said this elsewhere, but I love the way you've woven together different senses of the word "vault"-- the sky, the trove, the body's arch. I particularly enjoyed the repetition-- with variation-- of "color" at the and of the poem. The first use is specific, referring to the colors observed above; the second opens the poem out into a larger life of which this episode is symbolic, a rich life filled with "color" in a figurative sense. Nicely done.
I love your prose here; so evocative. The images were startling.
I liked the final lines, but I wonder whether you need "such colours." Your first stanza has a lot of impact and I think something a little punchier at the end would have been more satisfying for me. Even so though - still beautiful! I will be looking out for more :)
The imagery is powerful. I particularly liked the variation in syntax. I thought it added a lot to the recitation of the poem.
Is it old or new?!?! Hehe. How could I find fault with this? It's small and perfect and was mentioned on the review thread. :) Thank you again for sharing, Corinna.