All Comments on 'Asmodeus - Demon of Lust: Pt. 01'
by steelkat29
- 14 Comments
Rarely do I read stories when I know they haven't been finished since many authors leave stories unfinished. I am very glad I read your story. It has the perfect amount of danger but enough emotion to get the reader involved. The part when they are in bed and he waits for her to signal it is ok to proceed is beautiful. This demon is dangerous but he is also very likable. Your story flows smoothly and is very easy to read. Can't say I have any negatives to say. Can't wait until the next installment!
I have to agree with all the other comments and add one more hurry!!
Please continue to write this story! ive added it to my favorites and check to see if u have added more every day :D
I am in love with you. This story is amazing. I felt everything your character was feeling. The fear, the heat, the hate, the want, the need, the pleasure. Ugh. MORE please!!
Xoxo,
Nightingale
thanks so much for all the amazing comments! i feels so proud when i read them! i get this wide, goofy grin and my heart beats so fast! i'm so happy so many of you like it and i hope i won't disappoint when i add to it. sorry for the cliffhanger guys, i really wasn't intending to be mean, i just had writers block for a little while and i wanted to see your reaction to it before continuing... i am truly humbled by your comments and look forward to many more
I was worried that this would be another "girl completely surrenders instantly" story.
Selena's conflicting emotions of lust and panic make the story so much more engaging and exciting. It's rare to find such a talented writer for this type of story.
Keep going!
I started out reading trying to put myself to bed but your story was so good I ouldnt put it down! Was up till 12:30 reading it all! I really enjoyed all 6 Chapters, hope you write more soon!
Probably the most eloquently written thing I've ever read. (I honestly don't know what to call it - an installment maybe?) Your command of the English language is superb, and I look forward to the coming submissions. (In all seriousness, I've never seen someone who can make the English language their bitch quite like you can.)
1 thing I did notice that could use some work though, is comma usage. (I'm not sure if it's a stylistic choice or human error.) Finding an editor that can help you with that will be rough, so you might be better off continuing as you are.
I want to like this story so badly. But the progression is off.. There is no way she would just magically fall into lust with him like that upon the first evening, unless his powers are compelling her. Which is never clearly stated. The description of her lust for him is also a pale progression. And I find it to be too lovey dovey to feel authentic.
This has the potential to be so much more than the D&D fan fiction it feels like so far :/
I say this constructively.