by dancingonmyown
OMFG! If this is smut, Then i don't know. Simply Beautiful...... 3 years of slow burn to a place "Hotter than Hell" ** I LOVED IT! **
AWESOME for a first!
I absolutely loved this story. You had me from the beginning, so much passion. I really love BFF love stories and this was perfect. Please keep writing, maybe the next great lesbian romance novel say?
This is not "smut." You have a wonderful way with words. I loved the line "and although it was winter, the room felt a little bit warmer." This story was delicately crafted and one of the best I've read here in a long, long time. You have real talent and I would love to see another chapter in this story and, also, more of your work. Thank you so much and I look forward to reading more from you. I've already added you and this story to my favorites list.
I don't care if you call it smut, porn or erotica, what it was, was wonderful. If this is your first effort, than I'm really looking forward to what you will be writing with experience.
Keep it up.
I agree with all the previous reviewers, though I do think you should upload another version of this which is lengthier because it truly is a wonderful story; however, if you don't want to, please do upload a few more chapters for this one:)
Seriously a wonderful story. Very sweet and super hot.
My one critique is that I didn't have a clear image of either girl. If there were any descriptions of Leah, I missed them... I can picture Allie a little bit from her name and the few times her dark hair and dark eyes were mentioned. No one else has mentioned it so maybe just me, but I like to be able to really visualize the characters... and not JUST during the hot moments :)
This was simply an amazing story all around. I loved the slow build up, and the naughty bits were blazing. As for the one comment about a longer version of this particular piece, or the comment about being more descriptive, I don't agree. Sometimes less is more, and I think that's definitely the case here.
I'd like to see more of this story, as think there's more there given Allie's home situation. I look forward to reading more of your work, and thank you for sharing your words.
Oh My God! That was an amazing story. Very real characters and plot line and VERY HOT Lovemaking. I don't even want to call it sex; that was lovemaking pure and simple. Just wonderful!
I agree with the others. Smut has nothing to do with this story. This was a lovely love story and I'm so glad you shared it with us. Thank You!
Please, on hands and knees, grace us with more.
Doc
The rookie hits a home run, first time at bat, first swing. Out of the park!
Don't change a thing - the lead-up was great for the story, I drew my own pictures of the characters… and the ending? Perfect spot for it. Some would ask for a sequel, but while there's certain to be some stress and hardship (real life ain't pretty - and no story is good without it, either) I'm happy leaving these two in their wonderful afterglow :)
Beautiful in it's simplicity..... it is indeed "Hotter than Hell"
Well Done!!
Excellent story. Very Hot! Hopefully you'll write more stories for these characters exploring their new relationship!
Really well written. Wonderful description of emotional build up. Detailed and hot description sex. Welcome to Lit! Looking forward to reading more. (Don't worry about a sequel if that's not right for the story though.)
One of the best slow, tension building love and lust realizations I've ever read. It had my heat quickening with every paragraph.
Wow..this story is so amazing and erotic..i want to read more about their relationship and how it grow..and more of your stories..
Thanks for the great reviews, everyone! I'm honoured you like it.
I don't have plans at the moment to write a sequel, but you never know. I have a few more ideas to write first. (I have way too much love for the "close friends falling in love" trope, but I'll try not to be repetitive.)
I had my own ideas of what Allie and Leah look like, but I didn't end up writing them into the story as I find it can kind of break up the flow. For reference, though, Allie is Chinese-Filipina, short and small with straight dark hair and an easy smile. Leah is white, a little taller with an average build, light brown wavy hair, blue eyes, freckles and a round face. But hey, they can be exactly as you picture them :)
And in case anyone was interested, this is one of the songs that inspired me - />
You are talented, that is for sure! :) I love the way to you write stories. It certainly made me feel pleasant. Just don't keep us waiting too long on your next story! ;)
YES!
I thought I'd browse a few stories to see what other writers were up to. This stopped me in my tracks. I've never really fantasized about a Literotica story...until now. And it was warm, romantic and... well, I thought I was going to pass out. This is an amazingly beautiful and hot story. God. I need more.... Please. More...
wow wow!! I could say a gazillion things, but your story left me speechless, hot, inlove...a movie before my eyes, I'm beyond words...
Someone once said the best advice for new writers was to write about what they knew. If thatcis true, your girlfriend is a lucky woman, indeed. Your thoughtful, moving portrayal of these women was beautiful and engaging. You made us want to know these women as people, not just as sexual objects. Keep writing; you have a gift.
My head is full of this story, my skin is tingly and my heart is beating fast. Thank you! Beautifully written and paced: glad you didn't rush - you kept us hanging on for that final scene
Very beautiful, well written story! You held my attention from start to finish. I hope you will be writing more in the future.
Lovable characters, a well written and believable story, sweet and tender emotions and hot sex - what more could I ask fo?
Absolutely loved it from start to finish
Well done. Believable characters,situation and events. Looking forward to reading more from this talented author soon.
Bravo !
a newbie, huh? you don't write like one. this story captured my heart. it had everything friendship, love, emotion and passion. a nice slow build and no rushing.
beautiful lovemaking and tenderness.
so very well written. i can't wait to see what else you have coming. i look forward to it.
this is not smut in any way. such an amazing first story. there must be more.
thank you for sharing you wonderful gift.
As a first story in the erotica genre you did fabulous.
I really enjoyed it... I wish we would have gotten a bit more at the end. I love to see the aftermath so to speak. The conversation that followed the beautiful understanding they they both felt the same way.
Thank you for sharing with us.
I've had this story on my bookmarks list for a few days, I will be keeping it there a bit longer. For your first story like this you have done wonders. Keep writing.
i just loved your story. i would have liked a little more at the end. it had all the elements of a good story and conveyed them all to the fullest. the best part, for me anyway, is that your writing style expressed the fullness of passion and emotion without the need to use expletives.
I want to add my voice to those encouraging you to write more.
And while it doesn't cry out for a sequel, I'd be interested in how Allie's parents deal with the relationship, not to mention Leah's.
This was a enticing story. I was anxious to see what was going to happen next. It kept my attention. Great job!
I really enjoyed your writing style....effortless! Great story exactly as it written, definitely left me wating more =)
Keep up the great work!
Thank you for an absolutely spectacular story. You held me in suspense from beginning to end. Your command of a writer's techniques are clearly exceptional. I look forward to reading many more of your stories. You're like a great chef proper combination of ingredients in all the proper proportions and you cooked it to perfection!! Please keep writing and give us another story sooner rather than later. Happy St. Patrick's Day And Happy Vernal Equinox. (I believe it's the beginning of fall for you) ChristieP
This is the first smut I've ever written. I hope it's okay.
The introduction had one word in it that most of us would accept okay. It was more than that it was real and expressed what many are looking for and only a few do find.
Love Janice
The same goes for your story as well. Easy to read, and a enjoyabl image.please expand your story to include more of your friends into the story
Thanks well done
Your writing is excellent! Way, way up with the top writers. It is always amazing to me how excellent writers can put so much emotion in what seems to be so few words. I look forward to more!
...great! Your first effort at writing 'smut'? If this is 'smut', love, we could do with a lot more 'smut' like it. But it wasn't 'smut'. It was a well-written erotic romance with two sweet and likeable protagonists. Keep writing---you have a talent worth nurturing.
Brian
Hardly smut! Beautiful tender and erotic writing. I will be looking for more. Please write again!
this is one of the best short stories i've ever read and seriously you have real talent if this is really your first erotica. please bring more
Excited for the sequel! This is by far one of the most beautiful and well written stories I've read on here. Sensual but Sweet at the same time.
one of the best story here in literotica.with only 2 chapters..u definitely keep the interest of your readers and I definitely want a sequel..please?thank you..
-kath:)
This? This is your first attempt at erotica?
DON'T EVER STOP. This stuff is amazing!
For your first attempt at this genre it was bloody good. And it was not smut, love, it was erotic. Don't stop now, Dancing Girl, because you've got talent---this short tale was just perfect.
An appreciative Irish/Pommie bastard.
If this is the first 'smut' youve written, what were you writing before? And can I read it? My only complaint is that its too short!
Reminds me of when my first lez love and I finally, after months of anticipation, smelled and tasted each other. In our 69 we were the only creatures, doing what all creatures want to do, living into the life force.
This story was outstanding!!!! Please let us know if you will ever come back to it. Thanks.
I really loved this story, just long enough to ensnare the reader, but not so long as to become a bore. You should write more like this one!
This was my third or fourth time reading this story, and it just gets better each time. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story with us!
SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION... 🌋 My only regret is there isn't any following chapters. Good job with the editing. 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹 dozen roses. 5🌟's
What happened next was that my hard drive basically spontaneously combusted and I lost the half-written sequel. :(
So sorry to hear about your hard drive but wanted to let you know I've read this roughly 10 times and it never gets old. Beautiful writing. Seriously hope you are able to continue it. Thank you!
This story was phenomenal! I'm lying here having fantasies about one of my close friends, remembering how many times I have wanted to kiss her naked breasts, and how I have longed to taste her. This story was so perfect!
This is the most erotic thing I have ever read! My heart was pounding throughout! Ain't love grand.
A good story!
Is there morebto their story please?
Thank you for sharing!
I truly adore this story, especially the way that you've ended it. the girls don't rush things, nothing seems forced or awkward or uncomfortable for either