Big Mack Pt. 05

After showering, the two friends-with-benefits lay naked in bed, but neither were ready for sleep just yet. Unlike the mechanic, they were both night owls. If Yoshi was alone, he'd be reading a book or playing videogames on his laptop, or maybe even watching some porn, squeezing out a sneaky load before slumber. But Amelia was here with him tonight, and besides, he'd had enough sex these past two nights to last him a month. His pussy felt like an empty warehouse.

"Yoshi, can we talk for a minute?" asked the goth. Part of her mind was on her suffering uni essay. It wasn't going to write itself.

The emo turned his bedside lamp on and rolled over to face her. "Sure, babe. What's up?"

Amelia wasn't quite sure how to express the thought that'd been bouncing around in her mind since her shower. "You like me, right?"

The emo giggled nervously, brushing his fringe out of his eyes. "No, you're an insufferable bitch, I hate your guts, grab your shit and get the fuck out of my apartment."

She knew he was joking, but she wasn't sure if he was deflecting as well. "Wait, I'm serious. Do you like me?"

"Yeah, babe, of course I like you. What a strange question. Why would you be lying in my bed if I didn't?"

The goth reached out to touch his face. "I don't know... like... I really like you."

"Then it's settled," Yoshi declared. "We both like each other. And that's good, because you're smarter than me, so you can help me at exam time."

"Yeah... but... that's not what I mean," she whispered, struggling to find the right way to frame her feelings. "I like hanging out with you," she said, hoping that'd be enough to get her point across.

"I like hanging out with you too," replied the emo. "We had drinks last night with our friends, and we had dinner together tonight, just the two of us. Like, babe, I love spending time with you, I feel so comfortable around you, and I'm already looking forward to waking up next to you tomorrow. Hey, maybe we can go out for breakfast in the morning? I reckon I'll sleep late tomorrow, but maybe we could have breakkie at lunchtime? I could seriously go for some blueberry pancakes with maple syrup."

The goth chick would've loved to, if not for her essay. She knew she was gonna spend an exasperating Sunday in the library. She let the emo's breakfast proposal die on the vine. "It doesn't matter," she sighed, hoping she could explain better in the morning. She rolled onto her side, facing away from Yoshi.

The emo knew there was something serious on her mind. Under the covers, he scratched her back lightly with his painted black fingernails. He watched her breaths slow and deepen until she fell asleep.

Tiredness arrived for the emo now, but his mind was still whirring.

He pulled the bedclothes up across her shoulders, making sure she was warm.

*

Amelia was first to awaken on Sunday morning. She'd set an alarm on her phone to allow maximum library time. She heard Yoshi grumble as her alarm disturbed his deep sleep. She shut it off quickly, got up, and headed to the kitchen to make coffee.

After turning on the kettle, she headed to the bathroom, squatted over the toilet bowl, and split the whisker.

Returning to the kitchen, she added milk to the twin mugs of instant coffee she'd prepared and brought them to the bedroom. Yoshi blinked, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. "Fuck, babe. What's the time?"

"Sorry for waking you up so early," apologised the goth, "it's half past eight. But I need to go, because I've still got this annoying fucking essay that I need to write." She smiled an awkward, pained smile. "I made you a coffee. If you want more sleep, that's cool with me, but I was kinda hoping we could talk for a minute before I head back to campus."

The emo sat up in bed, accepting the offer of caffeine. "Thanks," he whispered, taking a sip. His hair flopped in front of his bleary eyes. "What did you want to talk about?" he asked, still half-asleep.

Amelia sighed. "Well... you and me, I guess. Us."

Yoshi sipped his coffee before resting the mug on his bedside table. He didn't know there was a 'you and me'. "What do you mean?"

"I said last night that I like you," she began. "You remember?"

In the fire, sound and light pass by.

"Yeah, and I said, I like you too." His face looked so innocent, so unknowing.

She felt frustrated, knowing the gravity of what she wanted to convey was floating away, light as air. She frowned. "You know what I'm driving at, don't you?"

He shrugged absentmindedly, staring at a random mark on his bedroom wall. "Maybe... yeah... but I don't know what you want me to say."

She felt so stonewalled by his response she nearly drained the rest of her coffee, picked up her shit, and left. She took a deep breath before trying again. "Tell me you like me."

"I said that last night," protested the emo. "I think you're awesome!"

"I mean, thanks, but that's not what I mean," she replied. "I like you... umm... I think I like you more than just as a friend." She didn't know why he was making this so hard. Surely he knew what she was driving at. Nobody could be this clueless.

The emo's gaze remained fixed on the mark on the wall. "I'm not very good at this," he admitted. "What do you want me to say?"

Amelia was at a loss. "I don't really know either." She prepared to leave; this was a waste of time. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. I need to get going, I need to write this stupid essay..."

"Wait," interrupted Yoshi. "I need to tell you something." He reached for his coffee and paused for a second, letting the painful memory of a past event flood back into his mind. "I haven't thought about this for a long while, but I want to tell you." He took a breath, and she sat on the edge of his bed, ready to listen.

"When I was in my last year of high school," began the emo, "three years ago, this new girl appeared in our class one day. Her name was Hasret. She was beautiful, but she was very quiet. Her parents came to Australia from Lebanon, but I don't know why, and I guess our school was the closest to where they settled. She spoke fragments of English, but nowhere near enough to hold a conversation. She grew up in Beirut speaking Arabic, but nobody in my class knew her language, so nobody could talk to her. Nobody bullied her or teased her, everyone just left her alone, because nobody knew what to do or say. She must've been miserable, having been taken from her home to this strange place on the other side of the world where she didn't fit in and where everyone ignored her. Even though it wasn't a malicious ignorance, maybe she didn't know that. So I went to the library one day and borrowed a book called 'Teach Yourself Arabic', and I found some resources online. I learned the absolute basics, and when I approached her standing alone in the quadrangle one morning and said 'good morning, Hasret, how are you today?' in Arabic, her face lit up with joy. I think she was thrilled that someone was trying to make a connection with her."

The goth had never heard her FWB talk about his past in this much detail before, and she'd never heard this particular story. But she thought his gesture towards the Arabic girl was beautiful, and she wondered if she was still part of Yoshi's life. If she was, it might explain his reluctance to participate in the conversation she wanted to have.

"Anyway," he continued, "we lost our virginities to each other. My parents are free-thinking agnostics, but Hasret's were super-conservative and ultra-religious, and were presumably struggling to acclimatise to life in a strange, new country. I never met them, I only know what she told me about them. In fractured English, she told me her parents wouldn't allow her to spend time with non-Muslims, so there was no point even raising the subject of an introduction. We had to sneak around. One Sunday afternoon, she made an excuse with her parents about something or other, and we arranged to meet for a picnic in a small reserve on the outskirts of town. We lay on a blanket on a quiet, secluded patch of grass under the shade of a small tree, and we had sex. It wasn't planned, it kind of just happened. Afterwards, I told her I loved her in Arabic, and she said the same back to me in English. She had the keys to my heart, and all she needed to do was open the door. But her family moved away two days later, and I never saw her again. Maybe her parents found out about us, or maybe they moved for some other reason, I don't know. I never even got the chance to say goodbye. She just disappeared." He sighed, looking out the window. "I've never told anyone about this before."

Amelia remained silent, sensing he wasn't finished.

"I've never tried to find her. Like, it's not hard to find people on social media if you're really determined, but for me, this is all in the past, and I want it to stay there. But I'll never forget that afternoon under the tree." He sighed. "I just hope she's happy, wherever she is." He paused again, looking up at Amelia through damp eyes. "So much for commitment, hey? That's when I shut my heart down and became the high school slut." He shook his head. "Commitment sucks."

Amelia felt incredibly self-conscious. The question she'd put to him was innocent enough, but she had no idea he carried such pain. "I'm so sorry," she said.

Yoshi looked up at her through his fringe. "There's no need to be. I'm just trying to tell you that I know what you're asking me to say, but it's hard for me to say it."

Amelia looked down at her hands. "I think I understand. Thanks for telling me. No pressure, dude. I think you know how I feel."

The emo nodded, relieved that he hadn't lost a precious friend.

Amelia hugged him tightly, and he hugged her back. She knew she loved him, but she had no idea where she stood with him. Or where he stood with the big-dicked mechanic.

She left and headed to the library. Yoshi rolled over and slept. He dreamed about Hasret, imagining she was living a happy life somewhere in Europe.

He woke up around lunchtime and headed out for a serve of delicious blueberry pancakes. He took a book and read while he waited for his food to arrive.

*

A few weeks passed, and the goth made no attempt to return to the awkward conversation. They hung out from time to time, got drunk at the Regatta Hotel, and went back to Yoshi's place for sex.

She kept mulling her semi-boyfriend's story over and over in her mind. Sure, she thought to herself, commitment is always risky, and heartbreak sucks. But there are no guarantees in life, and really, everything we ever do is a risk of some kind. She'd taken a risk in trying to explain she had feelings for him, but the emo gained nothing and lost nothing in holding her at bay. Was he really prepared to live his entire life alone, just because putting your heart out there for someone else to accept is too hard? She thought about what she'd asked him. She didn't ask for his hand in marriage, she didn't ask for commitment, and she didn't ask him to empty his bank account into her waiting hands. All she asked him to say was that he liked her like she liked him, but he couldn't do it. Or he wouldn't. She couldn't tell.

The emo hadn't heard anything from the mechanic lately. For all Yoshi knew, he might be reconciling with his wife, and he might never hear from him again. But on a Friday morning, a message unexpectedly arrived on the app.

Mack: hey punk :)

Yoshi: hey big guy haven't heard from u in a while

Mack: been busy at work -- every second cunt in the city wants their car serviced ASAFP, been working six days a week

Yoshi: i assumed you and your missus must've got back 2gether

Mack: nah we went out for dinner one night and had sex after but we're definitely not getting back together... anyway, i'm too tired most nights lately to do anything but jack off

Yoshi: what do you jack off to, big guy

Mack: that pussy pic you sent me a few weeks ago is still top of the pile

The emo smiled.

Yoshi: *puts finger in mouth and sucks hard*

Mack: *erection intensifies* hey, punk, are you busy this weekend?

Yoshi: why

Mack: no biggie but I felt like doing some camping and fishing, I know a great spot

Yoshi: hmmm so ive never been camping or fishing before in my life, these are not typical life experiences for someone with a japanese mum... what happens

Mack: the great Australian outdoors

Yoshi: yeah but

Mack: well, we drive to a nice spot, we pitch a tent, we catch our dinner and cook it, then we sleep under the stars... was thinking about heading up tomorrow morning, stay overnight and come back Sunday... i could go on my own but thought it'd be nice to have some company

Yoshi: thanks for the offer, big guy, but I'm not really the outdoor type

Mack: come on, I'll show you :)

Yoshi: assuming i said yes what would I need to bring

Mack: not much, a pair of swimming togs if you wanted to take a dip, but it might be a bit too cold for that... a change of clothes... bring a jacket in case it gets chilly at night... I've got a spare sleeping bag you can use... maybe bring a bottle of cat's piss if beer's not good enough for you :/ i'll bring some food and we'll catch dinner in the river

Yoshi: and maybe ill bring a book in case I get bored :)

Mack: sure

Yoshi: ok then

They ironed out some details and the emo went to campus for the day. The mechanic arranged to pick him up from his building at ten o'clock tomorrow morning.

He boarded the Citycat and took a seat on the indoor deck. He wondered what he'd just committed to. He'd just agreed to drive to the middle of nowhere with a guy twice his age that he didn't really know very well. Horror movies start out this way. If something went wrong and he cried out for help, nobody would hear him. Fuck, their camping spot might even be out of mobile range.

He typed a message saying he'd changed his mind about going, making a weak excuse about discovering he was double-booked, but he deleted it before sending it.

After his 11am lecture, he met Amelia for an early lunch. He cradled a coffee and she drank tea while they munched on sushi rolls. "Hey," he said, "how's things?"

"Yeah," sighed the goth, "not bad. What about you?"

"Good. Heard from Mack this morning."

"OK," she replied, nodding blankly, unsure about how she felt.

"Going away this weekend," he said.

"Huh?"

"The great Australian outdoors, apparently."

Amelia shook her head. "Wait, dude, I'm not following."

"I'm losing my camping virginity this weekend."

Amelia tried not to snigger. This had to be a joke. But as she studied his pierced face, she knew he was serious.

"Gotta try new things once in a while," he added.

"Who are you going camping with?"

"Mack."

Amelia's eyes widened in shock. "But you hardly even know him!"

"I know, and to be honest, I'm a little frightened, but being scared kinda turns me on. I can't really explain. Anyway, I wanted you to know, just in case... something happens."

"In case something happens?" she echoed. "What, like he cuts you up with an axe and buries you in scattered pieces before he spends the rest of his life behind bars?"

Yoshi didn't reply. He genuinely couldn't tell whether he was being sensible right now. This could be dangerous. And Amelia was right, this could potentially be life-threatening.

"Dude, this isn't smart," warned the goth. "This isn't like you."

"I know," he whispered. "But part of me is curious... and another part is seriously horny."

"This sounds like the opening sequence to a horror film," she said.

"I know. I thought that already."

She wanted to slap him, screaming 'listen, you batshit crazy fuckwit, I really don't want you to do this, if you want more of his dick why can't you just get it at home', but she knew they weren't close enough for her to have that kind of leverage. Besides, she still wasn't sure how he felt about her, and she worried that if she pressed her concerns, he might read it as possessiveness, distancing him at a crucial moment.

"Text me where you're going," she said, catastrophic headlines flashing through her mind. "I know you won't tell your folks, so tell me. Someone needs to know where you are." She sipped her tea. "Look, he's probably above board, but you really don't know for sure. Anything could happen. You don't know him very well at all, and you're putting a lot of trust in the hands of a man who's clearly in the middle of a fucking midlife crisis."

Yoshi's hand reached across the table and touched hers. "It's gonna be fine. We're leaving in the morning and we're coming back on Sunday, so I'm only away for one night. I'll see you when I get back. We'll get dinner."

She felt unsettled, but she knew her concerns weren't likely to change his mind.

*

A freshly showered Mack pulled up outside Yoshi's building on Saturday morning at ten o'clock. He wore a grey t-shirt, a pair of black jeans and a well-worn pair of Blundstone workboots. A red cap held his long ginger hair in place. Yoshi sauntered across the road with his backpack, dressed like he was heading to an emo concert.

"Hey punk," greeted the mechanic as the emo launched himself up into Mack's ute.

Yoshi threw his backpack at his feet. He didn't bring much, assuming Mack was running the show, and besides, it was just one night. He made sure to pack a bottle of lube. Just in case. "Hey," he replied. He noticed the mechanic's nipples poking through his t-shirt.

Mack looked his passenger up and down. "You look good."

"You do too, big guy." Sharp aftershave tickled the emo's nostrils. "And you smell nice, too. So how's your week been?" Yoshi asked as the mechanic turned the ignition, dropped the clutch, and put the vehicle into gear. "Thought you've been working Saturdays lately," he probed.

"Have been lately, yeah," came the laconic reply, "and the overtime pay is good, but enough's enough. Some people are just gonna have to wait a bit longer to get their wheels back. I love my job, but the garage starts to feel claustrophobic after a while. Besides, a man needs some downtime. What about you?"

"Not too bad. Uni's going OK and I had a few night shifts at the supermarket this week, so I guess I'm a little tired."

"Supermarket?" asked Mack.

"I restock shelves at night. Helps with the budget. Inflation's a cunt."

The mechanic laughed, wondering why the government never expressed the problem so bluntly.

"Where are you taking me, by the way?" asked the emo, flicking his hair away from his eyes. "I need to know where the abduction will take place so I can give the media a heads-up." He looked over his shoulder at the cargo draped across the back seat. "Is that the tarpaulin you're gonna bury me in after you kill me?"

"That's the tent," came the reply. "It's inside the tarp."

"You're gonna kill me in a tent?"

The mechanic couldn't tell whether the kid was joking or serious. He pulled over at the side of the road and shut the engine off. "No, the tent's to be used for its time-honoured designated purpose -- for sleeping in." He glanced across at his passenger, resting his wrist on the wheel. "Look, you don't have to come if you don't want to, you know," he said. "I'm looking forward to some fresh air, but I'm just as happy to go on my own. I can drop you back at your building if you've changed your mind. It's no biggie."

The emo studied his painted black fingernails before looking across at the mechanic. He brushed his hair away from his eyes again. "Where are we going?"

"A little spot I like that's north of Brisbane and inland from Noosa. Kind of halfway between Noosa and Gympie. About two hours' drive. There's a beautiful river, you hear crickets chirping at night, but on a quiet night, you don't hear much else. Plenty of fish in the stream. And when you look up on a clear night, you see nothing but the Milky Way."