All Comments on 'Birthday Pool Party Ch. 34'
by WittyUserName
- 18 Comments
I'm skipping the sex parts for plot at this point. This is just mechanics otherwise....
I agree with the previous comment. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the sex has become monotonous. I skimmed all the sexy scenes in this chapter
Witty another great chapter as always. It was nice to see Stephanie being brought into the fold. Maybe eventually she will become a slut sister as well. Seems like there could be quite the love triangle happening with Kayla, Stephanie and Ian. Time will tell how Ian reacts to Stephanie loving Kayla. A little progress on the Lexi and Stacey front. It will be interesting to see what happens with Stacey bringing April into the shakey relationship with Stephen and the slut sisters. Hazel seems to be spiraling and regressing, my heart aches for her and wants her to be happy. She seems like she is resenting Steven especially after going to the party. I think something happened at the party that is driving Hazel deeper into depression. I was surprised that the party was not addressed in this chapter, but I'm guessing it was too much to be in this chapter. Perhaps we will hear about the party in the next chapter... maybe Kayla finally gets Hazel to fully open up about everything and tells Kayla what happens at the party.
Witty you are a great writer and it shows through your story and character development. I can understand how some readers might not have cared for the last chapter, but remember it's your story tell it how you want to tell it. Also don't worry about making everyone happy or altering your story to peoples suggestions. I know my comments can come off as a bit suggestive. I used to right alot when I was younger and had the passion to. My mind still has an active imagination, so when I make comments that can kind of come off as suggestions bear in mind that your great writing is what is sparking my imagination to think of possible outcomes to your story. Which I hope will take as more of a compliment to your story telling than as a suggestion. As alway Witty amazing job, I can't wait to read the next chapter. Thank you very much for your hard work and the great entertainment that you provide us.
I also skim the sexual parts, focusing on the overall storyline. But still a good story. Hope hazel gets better. Her parents ought to be ashamed of themselves.
I’ve been skimming the sex scenes since around chapter 15.
Seriously, if a reader has hung in until chapter 34 they’re not reading for a jerk off story.
The only interesting sex was the Kayla/Stephanie seduction - because it was NEW! Everything else is boring, repetitive and monotonous!
Multiple devoted readers keep telling you this. Why do you persist on bombarding us with cum?
Didn’t you ever hear the creative adage: “Always leave them wanting more!”
We want less.
: Yes, Stephanie definitely feels like Ian's future second girlfriend so he doesn't feel like he's getting the short end of the stick, doesn't she? ;)
Hoping Hazel gets better, too. She was my favorite slut-sister before, but this downward spiral has been very harsh on her. She needs a break atm, and if she can find it with Dan, why not? (The party was definitely a bad idea, though, and I'm pretty sure we'll hear from that agin soon, either as Hazel's POV in the next chapter, or as her telling someone, probably Kayla--or maybe Nicole, should Witty want to throw a curveball at us.)
And the Stacey-April duo are definitely coming into the fold, imho--the only thing that remains to be seen is in which capacity (we should get some pointers in the next chapter with the gang helping April move in).
I hope you're enjoying the plot!
Sorry you're not enjoying the sex scenes. I hope you like the story.
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed. Yeah, Hazel is going through a very tough time. Hopefully, things work out. And I love your comments, so please, let your imagination run wild!
I agree, Hazel's parents should be ashamed of themselves.
Yeah, there's a lot of sex. It is a sex story, after all! I try to take suggestions into account, I hope you're still enjoying the story.
Glad to hear Hazel was your favorite, I hope she redeems herself in your eyes!
Witty thanks for continuing. Agree sex is getting repetitive. I skip over most of it. Agree It was nice to see Stephanie being brought into the fold. Maybe eventually she will become a slut sister as well. Seems like there could be quite the love triangle happening with Kayla, Stephanie and Ian. Looking forward to that possibility. Threesome one Kayla takes Ian's cherry.
A little progress on the Lexi and Stacey front. Hope they connect. Stacy makes love and has Steven baby. April Stacey raise the baby.
Need to learn about Hazel and her party. Get Hazel back with Steven and in a better space.
Amazing story, loving it.
Another great chapter, in my opinion the fuck scenes are an important part of the the whole storey, and it’s about time Ian and Kayla fuck then include Stephanie, but it’s your storey. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Another good chapter. But I only somewhat agree with the other commenters about the sex scenes. I think they're kinda necessary, because it seems their sexuality as well as their friendship is a big part of what keeps this group together. Yes, they could be written shorter, but I'd hate to see them gone.
Storey's fine but a bit dull. Sex scenes still fun tho.
Maybe our hero should tell Hazel she can only stay if she earns her keep (two days a week she cooks, teaches Lexi how to cook, etc.) - give her back some of her pride, and help her nesting in preparation of having the baby... plus, if she's earning her keep, he can pay her some moolah, so she has money in her pocket and has a bit more self-esteem... thoughts?
As it's only a week away, shouldn't some preparation be made for the Prom night orgy scene?
stacey is giving the vibes of the song fantasize by Ariana grande INTENSELY. let her be less pathetic and actually stop crying about it and try to seduce Steven.
Loving the story and its progression, can't wait to see where you take it next!
It really was nice to see Stephanie being brought into the fold. How is she not going to be brought into the fold now that she's gotten a glimpse of what a slut-sister sees, and I think she's going to make her presence known with Steven and Kayla considering Ashley and Marcia can't show up as freely. I don't think there will be a love triangle yet, especially with Stephanie's revulsion at being touched by guys. I think Ian will be okay with Stephanie loving Kayla. He knows or will know about their shared trauma and won't badmouth it. Yeah, a little progress with Lexi and Stacey. I can't wait to see April's mind getting blown once she gets a taste of being a Slut-Sister. I didn't think Steven was on shaky ground with the Slut-Sisters since no one dropped any ultimatums or anything. I agree Hazel is hurting. She doesn't hate Steven but hates being out of contact with her brothers and no way to fend for herself. I don't think anything happened at the party that was on the level of the motel incident. It would have been too much to delve into with Kayla's stuff and Steven's stuff. I don't think Hazel will open up to Kayla about the party short of Kayla catching her doing something like how Lexi caught Kayla and Dan.
Witty is definitely a great writer. Your comments and imagination are fine. I'm glad there's someone that's talkative about this series too! I hope your decide to write again, even if it's just for yourself. Thank you for speaking your mind.
Her parents are still bitter. They wouldn't be this angry if they didn't love her or at least their image of her so much. They're not ashamed because they think they're doing the right thing.
I'm not sure of Stephanie becoming Ian's second girlfriend, considering she doesn't like being touched by guys. I was actually thinking of Nicole being the other girl to play with when Kayla was texting Ian. Lexi only wants Steven. Hazel doesn't like Ian like that. Ashley is with Josh. Marcia is with Shawn. Now that I think of it, Stacey might even be down for it depending on how Kayla pitches the idea. Now that I think of it might be Stephanie after all. She might need some encouragement just like how Kayla had to get comfortable being sexual around Steven. Being naked around him, him naked around her, watching him and Lexi fuck, tasting his cum, sucking his dick, etc. Or maybe Stephanie will get over her fear of guys a lot faster than that once Steven works his magic.
I would like to see a love triangle happening with Kayla, Stephanie, and Ian. But what I would really love to see is Kayla seeing Ian fuck another girl so well that Kayla gets not just jealous but scared like how Lexi got scared after Stacey said what she said when she got her mind blown by Steven. It'd be awesome to for her to have a heart to heart with Ian asking, "Is this what it was like when I told you about that kiss in Bermuda? When you didn't want to talk to me after I told you about Daddy?"
I totally agree!!!!!!!!
I don't think Steven will suddenly tell Hazel that she needs to pull her own weight around the mansion. He's made that clear. The Slut-Sisters know how to cook, they did it in Bermuda. it's going to take more than housework for Hazel to get some self-esteem. She needs to be able to talk to her brothers, kind of like that sit-down between Lexi, Kyle, and Nicole. She also has college aspirations as well. Hazel definitely has time on her hands to figure this out. Provided that the baby isn't premature, it should arrive sometime around New Year's. I agree, there should be a lot of preparations for the Prom Night Orgy!!! Maybe something like the Bermuda dice game for the fellas for starters!
As for song vibes, I was picturing "I Can Love You" by Mary J. Blige featuring Lil'Kim. Stacey does fantasize but she does it from a standpoint of remembering when they used to fuck. Ariana hasn't fucked the guy yet. Stacey isn't pathetic for feeling as she does. She respects the man she loves and is working towards getting close to him again.
I love how you're bringing Stephanie into the fold. The sex scene between Lexi, Steven, and Kayla, I liked how you showed there are still lines that someone as uninhibited as Lexi still has some boundaries. Going to have to do something about that, HAHA. I'm also digging the progress between Lexi and Stacey! I love how Kayla is keeping Ian informed of her liaisons and looks like she's on the way to making it up to Ian! I don't think David got a FFM threesome with Kayla, so great job looking out!!! I grinned slowly as I got to the conversation between Steven and Ken regarding Ken's post-deal plans. Since Keith got knocked out of the box. David is on the sidelines. I was wondering when we'd see another antagonist. SSFGuy kind of called it with Ken's not so forthright business dealings. My mind was racing when I read that section. I have a feeling that Britney and Hazel could be called out for a boat party. Also with Ken leering at Stacey, it had me thinking that Ken would proposition her to facilitate the deal and Brenda can't help because despite her running things she doesn't have executive authority. I had a lot of other thoughts too but I think you'll address them in the next chapter.
Chapter 35 has been submitted to Literotica under the group sex category. It should go live in a couple of days.
First, I'm concerned about Hazel. What happened to her at the party . . . gangbanged? Drugged? Raped? Humiliated? That girl needs help, soon. Good to see Stacey (tentatively) back in the group. There's still something up with YouInvest; possibly involving Nicole. And, the best part of the chapter . . . Stephanie with Kayla. It sure would be hot if Kayla, Ian & Stephanie could become a 3-some and be totally comfortable with each other. Loving the story, Witty!
If Stacey doesn’t get brought back in to the fold with the main cast of characters. I’d love for her to get her own spin off story series.