Dirty Grammar

Day 1

Eve sat quietly reading. She would pause occasionally to check the institutional dial clock over her desk. She strongly felt the best office hours were the ones where no one showed up. And this was shaping up to be a good one. It was too early in the semester for grade grubbing undergrads and too late for the now overburdened doctoral students. Fifteen minutes to go.

She flipped another page. She'd read Gawain a couple dozen times before, but this time she was looking for homoerotic undertones between Gawain and the Green Knight. She felt a little guilty as she did so. She did not actually think they were gay, but the homoerotic papers were getting published like crazy right now. And publishing was the only way to tenure. Ten minutes to go.

The ax could be a phallic symbol, she thought. The beheading could be a rape. She rolled her eyes. Putting together this bullshit came much too easy. But she dutifully scribbled her thoughts into the margins, then checked the clock again. Five minutes.

There was a knock on her door. She bit back the instinctive frown and changed it to a welcoming smile. "Hello?"

"Hey. It's me, Lee." He opened the door too quickly, and the knob slammed against the wall. The gangly doctoral student did not notice the thud, or the way Eve squinted her blue eyes at the sound. He was far too engrossed in the papers in his hands.

"I am going to blow your mind." Lee said, his smile lifting his glasses.

"My mind is ready to be blown." Eve said. She could have corrected him, but she knew the type. Intelligent, inspired, no interpersonal skills.

"I was working on my translations, right? Old English to Old German to German to English. And as I'm doing it things don't add up."

"There is a lot easier way of doing the translation." Eve said.

Lee shrugged. "If I do it the old way I have no thesis."

"So what did you find?" Eve asked.

"A new verb tense." Lee said.

Eve sat back in her chair. The smile remained, but it was forced. Lee was cracking up. Losing his marbles. In danger of extending office hours.

"A new verb tense?" She said.

"It has to be. The texts tell people where to go, what to do, and a few times the people do it. Even when it makes no sense to do so. And these times correspond to a different verb tense, the command tense."

"There already is a command sense. It's called the imperative. You're a doctoral student. You know this."

"Of course, but this is different. The spelling is off." Lee said.

"Spelling was not standardized for hundreds of years after the works you study. Most of them never even had a dictionary" Eve said.

"The people do out of character things in the tales though." Lee said.

"It is primitive fiction." Eve said. "Most of our notions of characterization came about in the last three hundred years."

Lee stood, papers in hand. The excitement that had propelled him into the room was gone.

Eve stood up and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Listen, what you are going through is normal. You want to make the breakthrough. You want the thesis that sails right through the advisory committee and into some Ivy's tenure track. The same thing happened to me. I thought I had found a lost poem of Shakespeare's on a men's room wall in Surrey. I was wrong. People still make jokes about the 'Shitty Surrey Shakespeare Sonnet'".

"So what did you do?" Lee asked.

"I cranked out a thesis about gynophobia in the original criticisms of the Canterbury Tales. I didn't love it, but I had a job to do. And you do too."

Lee drew a deep breath, then blew the hair out of his eyes.

"Give me one more week. If I can get something more concrete I'll bring it. If I can't, I'll get started on prostitution as an act of liberation in Henry the Fifth."

Eve squeezed his shoulder, then patted him on the back. "That is how you get tenure. Goodbye Lee."

She looked up at the clock as he walked out. Only three minutes over. She could still catch her bus. Poor Lee, she thought. Some people aren't cut out for the academic life.

Day 7

The dial clock promised an end to Eve's office hours. The second hand was tickling the twelve when a knock came at her door.

"Dammit," She whispered.

"Pardon?" Lee's voice came through the door.

"Come on in." Eve said.

Lee walked in, papers clutched in his hands. His smile was feverish.

"I figured it out." He said.

"Did you now?" Eve asked.

"It's the inflection. We lost it, maybe a thousand years ago." Lee said. "I can't imagine why. But it works." Lee said.

"How do you know?"

"Look at this."

Lee held up a coffee cup. And waited.

"Coffee?" Eve asked.

"It was free." Lee said.

"With your reward card?" Eve asked.

"No, with the command."

He put the coffee on the table between them.

"Watch," he said. "Give me the coffee."

Eve reached out and handed him the coffee.

"I'm not sure what the magic is. It's your coffee." Eve said.

"Well, give is the only word I figured out." Lee said. "It shows up quite a bit in the texts. But still, you gave me the coffee."

"What was I going to do with cold coffee?" Eve pushed back her glasses and stood up. "Listen, just shake some dirt on Shakespeare. It always works." She walked over to her Elizabethan shelf. "I think I have an annotated copy of Henry the Fifth. I'll need it back, but it should be a good start."

"No, trust me. I've got it figured out." Lee said.

Eve could hear the frustration in his voice. She turned around, giving him her best attempt at a sympathetic smile.

"Just take the book, in case." Eve said.

"Give me a kiss." Lee said.

Eve stepped up to Lee, raised her head, and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Then she took a step back. Lee blanched.

"Leave." Eve said.

"But I just--" Lee stuttered.

"Leave. Now." Eve said.

"Can I just explain?" Lee said.

"I am calling campus security." she said, grabbing her phone.

"Wait!"

"No"

"Give me a chance to explain."

She put her phone down.

"You've got five minutes." Eve frowned, She hadn't meant to do that.

"I'm sorry. I panicked. But this is, undoubtedly, one of the most important finds in the history of the English and proto-English languages. A new tense! One that tells people what to do! And they have to do it. It's practically magic.This may explain so many legends and stories. And it probably isn't just anglo-saxon. Maybe this was Gilgamesh!"

"Counterpoint. You have found a way to make people do things. The only word you learned is give. But once the world knows about this smart people will follow up. Scary smart people. Who think beyond tenure and publishing. And they will learn 'Kill', 'Maim', 'Die'. And the world will be a worse place. If I had to guess, this information was a closely guarded secret. And those who had it took it with them. Or had it taken."

Lee frowned. It was not a normal frown. It was a frown of a man who had had the whole academic world handed to him, and then felt it slip away.

"Now," Eve said "That does not mean that we have to forget about this. It means that you will pass your dissertation review and interview with flying colors, even if you turn in a ham sandwich. We will never lack for funding. And we will be able to avoid any and all campus mixers that we do not wish to attend. God willing, we will never again have to teach an undergrad."

"Wait, I thought you said this was dangerous."

"Only in the wrong hands. But we are an English professor and a grad student. We have dedicated ourselves to higher ideals and made compromises that no sane person would ever make. We are incorruptible."

Day 27

It was the sort of day that a clumsy child may have painted in pastels. The clouds were particularly offensive, with the sort of unnatural uniformity nature displays on occasion, just to keep you guessing as to whether or not you are in a poorly programmed simulation.

Eve sat at her desk. Her office, once ringed with books held up by frail Ikea shelves, was now quite nice. It had been the dean's, but he'd happily given it to her when she asked. The paperbacks and penguin softcovers had been replaced with books bound in sumptuous leather, the gift of a former rare bookseller at his surprise going out of business sale. There were first editions nestled among them, covers facing out in a way that was both subtle and ostentatious.

The windows let in a profound amount of natural light, which fell upon two pairs of shoes under her desk. The first three inch heels, attached to a lovely pair of legs. To highlight their loveliness they were encased in nylons that bunched up as the knees rested on the carpet.

The second was a pair of vans, barely peeking out of baggy jeans. The jeans themselves rested comfortably on the floor.

Eve leaned back, her stylish black skirt pulled up to her hips and her own heels resting, comfortably, on the desktop. Between her legs the former secretary of the dean and his skater daughter took turns bringing her up to the edge.

Eve had never thought of herself as gay, or even particularly adventurous. But she'd learned, quite recently, that if you wanted something, you took it. To deny yourself the finest things when they were there for the taking was nothing but folly.

And these two women were, in fact, the finest things .Bea, the secretary was not only professionally over qualified for the job, but she possessed a beauty both frosty and regal, with a body to match.

Mary, the dean's daughter, had been hiding an obscenely tight body under baggy clothes. Eve, who didn't believe in sin to begin with, found hiding such a body under a bushel a far greater transgression than anything she and Lee had been up to.

Bea, the secretary, had been clumsy, at first. Awkward and unsure, getting so lost around a pussy that it was hard to believe she had one of their own. Until Eve found the perfect words to use. Now she was a genius, able to guide her to untold depths of joy. When she was in the mood for that.

And right now Eve definitely was. And, if she were to be honest with herself (something she had very carefully stopped being), she was in the mood for it all the time.

"Give my ass a nice tonguing Mary."

Eve spread her legs a bit farther as the coed slid down and went to work. The secretary attended her clit with the attention and care one would expect of a highly paid professional. Mary attacked her ass with the enthusiasm of youth.

"Give me a couple fingers Bea. Make me come."

The Eve of a month ago would never have considered talking like that.

The secretary obliged, taking two fingers and carefully crooking them inside her, until she found the perfect spot.

Eve's orgasm, when it arrived, brought a wet mess with it. But a faceful of girl cum did not dissuade her servants. They labored on, without rest.

"Girls, give me a break." Eve said.

The two beauties looked back at her, breathing heavily. They were a vision to behold.

Eve had work to do. She was fairly certain of that. But she was also pretty sure it could wait.

"Girls, give me your clothes." she said.

Bea shimmered out of her silk blouse, and carefully folded it up before laying it on Eve's desk. The black pencil skirt followed, then thigh high stockings, bra, and panties.

Mary picked up the pile of discarded clothes she was tearring and dumped them on the desk.

"Very nice. Now girls, give each other pleasure."

These were always Eve's favorite commands. It was one thing to tell someone what to do. That was easy. But to give them a task they had to figure out? That was satisfying. She watched as the taller Mary stepped up to Bea and looked down into her eyes, then pulled her into a kiss.

Bea gave a soft moan before wrapping her arms around Mary's tight young body, to rest her hands on her very perky bottom.

Mary pulled Bea close, then pushed her knee between Bea's thighs, opening them and bringing her lower still.

Bea, who was quite bright, got the hint and kicked one leg up. Mary lifted her up and sat her on the edge of the desk, then kneeled on the carpet.

Bea spread her legs open and Mary took the gift that was offered.

There are many ways to eat pussy, Eve thought. You can go slow and take your time. Teasing around the edges, making them twitch and jump as anticipation builds, bringing them to a fever pitch of excitement with only the barest of movements. That is what she preferred. Or at least she did, before her eyes and legs had been opened.

You can walk a fine line between oral and fingering as you penetrate, push and pull in concert with the tongue, putting force and pleasure in equal measure, making an orgasm almost inevitable. It was mechanical, almost. And it had grown on her.

Mary did not tease. She did not gently rub. And she did not slowly penetrate. Mary made sure that you knew, even if your pussy was being eaten, you were getting fucked.

Three fingers stretched out poor Bea's tight little pussy as they pistoned in and out. Another finger was firmly and deeply buried in her bottom. And her cute little clit was under attack from a tongue that Eve knew from experience was relentless.

Mary had gone to an all girls prep school and been very popular. Before meeting her she had assumed it was because of her positive attitude, but after taking a few tumbles with her she realized it was because she was a genius in at least one regard, if you were capable of squirting Mary could make it happen. She never looked happier than she did looking up from a wet snatch, dripping with her achievement.

Bea's hands were carefully squeezing her lovely firm nipples, and she was getting very close. Her hips rose to meet every stroke of Mary's fingers, with each stroke summoning a very unladylike grunt.

Eve ran a hand along Mary's perfect backside, She could feel the tension in her, the strength as she worked over Bea.. Eve knelt behind Mary and saw her pussy shining with moisture.

She couldn't help herself. She ran a finger through it, gathering the wetness as it passed. It beaded on her finger,until she pulled it away. A strand lengthened until it snapped. She put the finger in her mouth and savored the taste.

It didn't slow Mary. It didn't slow her at all.

"I'm going to come." Bea whispered.

"Give it to me louder, please." Eve said.

"I'm going to come." Mary said, in a voice filled with lust.

"Give it to me louder still, please."

"I'm coming" Mary shouted, before she erupted.

She really did. All over Mary's beautiful face, as Mary finished her magic trick.

It was wonderful.

Bea panted and tried to catch her breath. But Mary, mindful of her orders, jumped up on the desk, dropped to her knees, and lowered her dripping snatch onto Bea's open mouth.

Eve considered if she wanted to come again, and instead decided she was satisfied.

"Girls, feel free to finish up here..Then give yourself the rest of your day. But do keep your phones on in case I call."

Bea grunted, in either agreement or because her face was full of wet snatch. Mary had a handful of Beas hair and was grinding herself into the poor woman's face. Bea's hands snaked behind Mary, only to pull her taut cheeks open.

One finger carefully traced the perfect arc, only to meet resistance at the pretty pink pucker. But that resistance did not last long.

"Fuck," Mary said, with no encouragement needed. "I'm going to fucking...."

Mary was silent as she leaned forward, one hand on the desk and the other wrapped up in Bea's hair. She stiffened as Bea worked another finger in, then fell like a marionette whose strings had been cut.

After a minute she pulled herself up and Bea took in a long breath.

Eve smiled. They'd been horrified at what they'd done,the first time. Or at least had pretended to be. She couldn't really remember. But as they pulled shirts over come-drenched faces they were nothing but smiles. She'd just had to find the right words.

She carefully pulled her skirt down over her hips, but left her panties on the floor. There was no one in the department who'd look twice anyway.

She padded over to Lee's office, carefully stepping over discarded bras, panties, and underwear. And some incidental naked flesh. The perennially undersexed English department could now be mistaken for the bawdier sort of red light district, with the slapping of thighs punctuated by grunts and moans. Enrollment in the major was way up.

She knocked on the door, careful not to touch the still fresh paint that said "Lee Jenkins, Chair of Grammar"

"Come on in." Lee's voice called.

Eve stepped in, expecting to see Lee balls deep in something, but what was before her was far more shocking.

Lee sat at his desk, a too young man in an ill-fitting tweed coat. The desktop was cluttered with notebooks and yellow parchment in equal measure.And he was reading. Not fucking, humping, or railing. But reading.

"You're working?" Eve asked. "Lee, you're a professor now. You don't have to do anything."

"I know. I know. I just really love the work."

He looked up at her with a smile.

"Speaking of which, Professor Eve Plumb, would you suck my cock?"

And, all of a sudden, Eve knew she would. She really really would.