Friendly Fire

Three or four days after the birth, James once again was the one to contact me.

"Jim, I'm calling about the baby, Kate wants to know do you want to have a say in deciding the boy's name?"

"James, I hadn't even thought about it, we're divorced I didn't expect to be consulted. One thing I would like is that she doesn't use my surname. Perhaps she can use your name, Kelly? Does that sound reasonable?"

"Jim I'm sorry, but I think you need to talk to her, she is still calling herself Kate Wilson, it could cause problems for the child if it's name was different from both mother & father. Besides, don't you want to see your son, Jim?"

I hesitated, thought about it then decided this was something I had to do.

"She still staying with you James?"

"Yeah."

"OK, I'll come over tonight after dinner, 7pm ok?"

"See you then Jim."

I arrived on the dot of seven and James let me in, I hadn't seen Martha in many months, she looked drawn and suddenly a lot older, just as James had. Two good people put in a difficult position. Martha hugged me and whispered in my ear, "It's not how we raised her, Jim."

Then they left me alone with Kate and the baby.

"Hello Jim, thank you for coming, would you like to hold the baby?"

It wasn't the little guys fault, I took him in my arms and looked at him. Big mistake, I suddenly felt what parents are supposed to when they hold their child, the emotion took over and I found it hard to breath for a while, he looked up and gazed into my eyes, I had no idea what he was thinking but it probably revolved around a familial recognition of sorts and a need for protection.

I was hooked, I started to smile at him, shit, I had no idea if this was what she expected to happen, but she too was smiling.

"Cute, isn't he?"

I nodded in agreement then my heart broke, again, "Fuck it Kate, why did you do this to us? We could have been perfect, this could have been our dream, the best days of our lives."

She teared up and said, "We still can be Jim, can't you learn to forgive me? I was seriously unwell, I made a really bad series of choices, please Jim, please try."

I tried to hand him back to her, intended to flee and not come back, but she wouldn't take him.

"Damn it Kate take your son; I need to get out of here." I was close to panic.

"No Jim, we need to talk, if nothing else the boy needs a name, but you are not a coward, you have never run from anything, please talk to me, we have to work things out for his sake and ours too."

I sat down again still holding my son, this was going to be difficult, I was lost and had no idea what to do. Having looked into his eyes I knew I couldn't abandon him.

"James Kelly Wilson how does that sound" I said quietly.

She smiled and said she liked that, the two best men in her life. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask if she didn't prefer Matt as a name, but I held it back.

"Kate I have a problem, I want him in my life, but I don't want you, I'll never forgive what you did, whether you were ill or not, you did that and did it repeatedly with my former best friend. I can't live with that Kate, and I can't live with you. I can't live with someone I don't love. You need to think of some way we can work with this, I'll support my son but that's it."

Chapter 14 -- Re-establishing Roots

Having sold my share of the business and planning to leave town, the arrival of a son made me re-evaluate, I was going to hand around in the short term at least, so although I still had a lump of money after repaying my loan and having my parent's guarantee cancelled, I needed to work.

Plumbing was all I knew so I set up as a sole proprietor, I had my truck from J&M Plumbing and had a signwriter redo the decal, the new business was Jim Wilson Plumbing, I put a cheeky add-on "former managing partner of J&M Plumbing". If Matt didn't like it he could spend money suing me if he could afford it. Nothing ever happened, but people knowing who I was, I soon had all the work I wanted.

I set up a payment for child support for James Jnr, nothing was court-ordered I'd set up an amount I thought was reasonable, Kate didn't argue. Without telling her I also established a college fund for Jnr. If he was like his father and didn't want to go to college, he would get the money on his 25th birthday.

Things were OK but I was marking time, for what I had no idea, I'd planned to start afresh, that included my hopes of meeting someone new to share my life with. That was going to be more difficult back in our town where many people knew who I was and what had happened to my marriage. So, it was a pretty frustrating time for me. I worked, visited my son and did very little else.

I had worked out visitation with Jnr, but nothing was satisfying. James my ex-father-in-law was still the go-between and often it was him who I met when I picked up Jnr. I'd made it clear I wanted as little contact with Kate as possible, I had no thoughts of ever forgiving her nor of having any relationship with her.

Six months later, James told me that Kate again seemed to be struggling mentally.

Like me her life was filed with work and Jnr. James said she had not dated at all since becoming a mother. Said she had no interest and rebuffed all approaches to her, Including interestingly an approach from Matt.

That caught my attention, I'd assumed that would be her natural future even though Matt had said he didn't want her. Maybe he just wanted her as a fuck buddy and an uncomplicated one at that, no need to wine and dine her. I thought it was time that snake felt a little more pain.

I was concerned that if Kate was again spiralling down it would have implications for Jnr. I even wondered if I should seek to have her deemed an unfit mother and seek full custody.

Really, was I ready for that in my life?

Fulltime single parenthood?

Probably not, so what was the alternative?

I needed to see that she stayed healthy and fit to be his mother. How? Whatever way I looked at it that seemed impossible without me having a lot more dealings with her than I wanted, than my wounded pride would allow.

She had cheated on me, I couldn't possibly get past that, forgiveness, forget it, surely?

Of course, you know where this is going, don't you. Guy gets cucked, divorces wife, wife is pregnant, its his kid, he takes her back, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Could I be a man to backslide on my harsh judgement? I never thought so, but life sometimes throws odd things at you, circumstances you'd never expect to face.

Surely the core of our humanity is adapting to our changing reality to survive.

Shit.

Chapter 15 -- Trouble Brewing

Bad news comes in bunches, James had told me that Kate seemed to be struggling again, now the news on James was bad, he had suffered a small stroke, nothing serious, no lasting permanent damage but a warning shot that the poor guy needed to take life easier.

With Martha struggling to cope with her daughter's infidelity, James had borne the brunt of making sure she and the baby were cared for, now what?

Well, she was no longer my wife, but he was my son, I had to step up in some way.

We had a non-family "family" conference, and it was agreed that everyone, but James, needed to take more responsibility, Kate needed to stick to her meds and meet her responsibilities as a mother, I had to do more to support her, which James had mainly done and Martha had to step up and help her husband unless she wanted to risk losing him to an early death.

The thought of being more involved with Kate was not pleasant, it made me angry, but I was a father after all, time to be one, not just a 'when it suits' dad.

To make it work I decided I had to cut Kate some slack to make life easier for her and thereby make caring for my son easier. I started to take pre-prepared meals to their house twice a week and staying with them for the evening, leaving when Jnr. went down for the night.

I cooked rudimentary fresh meals one day every weekend. I wasn't anyone's idea of a cook, but I wasn't poisoning anyone either, my meatloaf was actually not bad.

Needless to say, this meant that I was talking to Kate much more than had been the case for about a year when the shit hit the fan. It started very slowly, brief stilted conversations, but as time went by we spoke more as friends would with the added interest being our shared child.

As we grew more comfortable in each other's company, I found that I struggled to maintain my dislike for her, I wouldn't say I was growing fond of her by any means, but I had rediscovered that empathy for another person was not too challenging. I made it my business to ensure that she stuck to her meds regime and slowly she began to emerge from her latest funk.

It really didn't take a rocket scientist to see what 'medicine' she needed, all it took was some smiles and a few kind words from me.

She had been almost literally dying from lack of affection, from being treated as a pariah and of course when people treat you that way, from lack of self-esteem. Some decent time spent as a family with our son, well it perked her up and really quickly.

I began to ponder, is it right that I treated a woman I loved with all my heart like I had? She had broken my heart, she'd given me cause, many men will tell you if a wife cheats once, never mind a 2-month affair, it should lead to banishment.

But am I not a better man than that, should I really treat a woman I've loved and now have a child with as utterly worthless? I began to think that much as I had been wronged, perhaps I'd overdone the retribution on her.

After all I'd beaten my ex-friend badly on two occasions, I'd put him in financial difficulties by threatening to sell the company to an aggressive buyer, I'd opened a new business and taken several customers, he'd paid. I might yet make him pay more and pay regularly but I'd certainly punished my former friend.

Should her punishment be so much more complete than his?

Well of course we had been married, she's lost that, she'd had to move back in with her parents, she was stuck in a job she hated, now with no end in sight and of course, she had lost the love she claimed was the only one she wanted and as she never dated, she was living a lonely life.

She'd suffered, we all had, Kate, Matt and I had all had our lives turned upside down. There were no winners in what had been a very tight friendship trio, now irreparably ripped asunder. Matt was dead to me, I thought Kate was too until the complication called Jnr. arrived.

I'd had a measure of revenge on both sinners, when was enough, enough? At one stage I thought the answer to that would be, right about the time that hell froze over.

Now, I had some doubt, I had a son to think of, a complete innocent, I had to man up for him. His mother was borderline depressed since her affair and my discovery, certainly since our divorce and her pregnancy when both she and Jnr. could have died.

I was reminded of the words that doctor had said, man-to-man rather than as a medic, words to the effect that I could be a single parent within a year giving a clear warning that Kate was a potential suicide, either deliberately or by default in simply not taking care of herself.

To top it off, one of the best men I'd ever met, my ex-father-in-law, James, had almost run himself into the ground and ruined his own health by trying to take care of everyone else's problems.

Yes, time to man up indeed. I needed to talk to Kate to make sure she understood exactly what I was proposing.

Chapter 16 -- An Arrangement of Sorts

I went to James and Martha's house earlier than usual the following Saturday, I needed time to talk alone with Kate before making my usual meatloaf for everyone. James and Martha discreetly gave us space taking Jnr. with them.

"Kate, I have been thinking, what we are doing is not giving Janes the best chance to recover his health, quite frankly he doesn't need the hassle of you and Jnr. under his roof and me being here 3 nights a week, so I have a plan.

I'm thinking you, me and Jnr. should find somewhere to live. I see you smiling but don't get this wrong. You need to understand that this will be a purely platonic relationship, I've not suddenly got past what you and that lowlife Matt did to me, I am rationalising what it means now in our new circumstances, but it is neither forgiven nor forgotten, it almost certainly never will be.

I'm suggesting this purely out of care and respect for your father who has never been short of wonderful to me. This is not for you although I think it will result in it being easier for both of us to give Jnr. the care he needs.

I've also accepted that your issues need someone to keep you straight with your meds and I'm prepared to be that person, for the benefit of our son who needs both of his parents.

If you form a relationship at any stage with another man, this set up would be finished, we are divorced but I will not be your babysitter while you go out and fuck other men, is that clear and can you live like I'm describing?"

Kate couldn't keep the smile off her face, "Yes Jim, I would agree to anything to be with you and Jnr. every day but I do accept that you are setting boundaries. I will abide by anything you wish but I tell you, we may be platonic, but it will not stop me trying to get your interest again. I'm not talking of flaunting myself, I'm talking about behaving like a good wife should do, minus the sex, unless you ever change your mind. If you do you will find me willing, if not, I'll take whatever relationship is available with you."

And so we got a place and the three of us moved in, it was a tense way to live, two people who had been so much in love, one claiming she still was, but leading a celibate lifestyle together. Then for Jim, being 24/7 with his son was both a delight and a challenge, apart from work Jnr. seemed to take every waking hour until he went down for the night.

Fortunately, Jnr. was a great kid, despite the problems in pregnancy, he seemed incredibly healthy, before long had reached the supposed perfect weight for his age and he slept almost every night for a long 8-9 hours. The sort of kid dreams are made of. Awake he was a great little bundle of energy, as time went on he walked at 10 months and was speaking a handful of words at 14 months.

With their domestic life seemingly appearing perfect, despite Jim's continued distrust of Kate and sometimes, blatant antipathy towards her on bad days, a stranger would have considered them a normal happy couple.

Of course, in their 3-bedroom house everyone had their own bedroom, the adults using theirs to make the best of relieving the frustration of a celibate lifestyle. Jim knew that he was not bound to celibacy as he insisted in for Kate, but something kept him from looking elsewhere. He had decided if he did get involved with someone either short or long term he would keep it away from the house.

James was now more like the man they were all used to, with the respite of not having to be primary carer for Kate & Jnr. he was to all intents and purposes back to himself and being the strong figure who had helped his family through a big crisis. Martha too appeared to be emerging from her funk with Kate.

Of course, it was not a situation that could last, it was contrived, two people in their early thirties leading a celibate life, well of course it wouldn't last.

It was Kate who cracked, she had her sex toys and got herself off regularly, but she missed having proper sex with a real cock. She'd noticed Jim becoming edgy and a bit withdrawn over a couple of months, the controlled, emotionless living arrangements they had grown used to were clearly wearing him down. Kate decided to address the elephant in the room.

"Jim I love you and I know you as well as you know yourself, I've never seen you so frustrated, Jim, you need to get fucked, empty your balls, get off hard and often for a while. I'm volunteering to be whatever you want me to be for you but if you won't have me, for fuck's sake go and screw some slut. Jim I can see you building up to a big blow up. I'm scared of what it might do to us.

These last 9 months have been a big relief to me, getting to live with you again, even if the lack of anything physical between us is killing me with need. If you go off the rails, I'm so scared that I can't cope without you."

Jim understood that she had called it right, but he wasn't about to confirm it. He grabbed his keys and said he'd be back later. In all the months since they had moved in to the house this was the first time he had gone out before Jnr. was down for the night, another sign that the pressure cooker was getting dangerously high.

Without any thought he gravitated to a bar, the Staging Post, where he often hung out with Matt. It was the best part of a year since they had talked, Jim hoped it would be many more years without seeing his former best friendfriend, but he'd got it wrong, this was not the place he should have come.

He was no sooner at the bar when he caught sight of Matt in a mirror behind the bar, Matt was making his way towards him, and Jim was about to turn and leave but too late.

"Can I buy you a drink, stranger?" Matt asked, holding out his hand offering to shake. It was clear this was Matt holding out an Olive branch, Jim had no intention of accepting.

"Get the fuck out of my face traitor."

"Come on man, get over it, I've told you a thousand times I was a fool, and I was wrong, I am genuinely sorry, Jim. Please have a drink with me. I hear you and Kate are back together and have a kid, that's great news, I'm delighted for you."

"Fuck you Matt, we live together, we are not "back together" we never will be because of you, but yes we share a son, we are not married and never will be again, you saw to that my best friend. I thought you would have made your moves on her, then I remembered your are the sort of creep who wants to dip his wick but hasn't the balls for a long-term commitment."

"Jim, when you divorced her, I did try to get with her again, I was willing to commit long-term, I decided she was worth the effort, but you know what? She told me that you are the only man she wants to settled down with. You get that, you dumped her, you told her you hated her. But Jim, she loves only you, If you weren't such a hard ass you have a woman who knows she fucked up but will never do it again.

Jim, I know I am probably the worst best friend in history, but after all our years together, I only want what's best for you. That's what Kate is, the best thing you could have in your life. Now I know I'm probably making you angry and if you want to take me outside and beat on me again, then like every other time I won't throw anything back at you, I'll take what you want to give, because I've hurt you enough for one lifetime, I'll never do it again."

You know how you suddenly hear something from someone and don't doubt a word of it? That was one of those moments. It was nowhere close to being something that would rekindle a broken friendship, but it rang true, every word and it was enough that Jim decided he'd extracted all the revenge he needed on Matt.

Jim looked at Matt, nodded once and turned and left the bar.

Arriving home, he called quietly to Kate but got no response, he called quietly so as not to wake Jnr. He went to her closed bedroom door and knocked, again no response so he slipped inside to find her quietly sobbing, almost certainly she was in fear of what had caused him to walk out earlier.

Jim slipped off his clothes, slipped under the covers and found Kate naked, he pulled her to him and kissed her hard. She moaned through the kiss and spread herself on her back as Jim entered her, once balls deep Jim stopped, lifted her chin towards her and said the immortal words, "If you ever do that again I'll fucking kill you."