Gender Fluid Pt. 01

I was one of the lucky few, financially speaking, and until five years ago, I worked my ass off to get there. My family had been well off as well, and because of that I had no school debt when I graduated with my law degree. It is unfortunate that neither of my parents survived to see it, however, as they both died in an earthquake that struck the area of the South America they were vacationing in a year before I finished my degree. My parents had retired early to travel the globe and they had made it clear they intended to fade into old age with most of their fortune spent on diversion. I enthusiastically encouraged this, because I knew how much they had struggled early on, and I wanted them to celebrate life instead of being held back by a spoiled trust fund child. Not that they would have ever let me end up that way. Their deaths left me with enough money to pay for an expensive house in a very exclusive neighborhood right out of school. For the next four years I worked vigorously for the law firm that hired me. In two years I was their best litigator next to the owner, and after three Matt brought me on as a full partner. Together we grew and expanded the business even further and while we weren't necessarily friends, we were excellent partners. Then my real luck came about when I won the lottery.

The jackpot was 512 million, which meant after taking the cash prize and paying taxes, I ended up with over 100 million. Fortunately, I lived in a state where you could claim the prize anonymously. Being a lawyer, I had all the appropriate plans in place before ever claiming my prize. I was set for life, well for several lifetimes really. I was suddenly confronted with no need to work and struggle to get where I wanted to be. It was kind of unnerving, and I don't think I would have transitioned successfully if not for Matt. He encouraged me to keep my name on the business and function as a consultant. He promised I could take on any case that drew my interest or help mentor the younger staff lawyers. Essentially, I could set my own hours and goals, and they would pay me a token salary that sat in a company trust to be used as I saw fit to pursue any pet cases I decided on.

Shortly after this during my 30th birthday, I heard from my family grapevine that a cousin of mine had come out as... well, no one was entirely sure, myself included at first. At first, they said he was gay, then they said he was a transvestite, and eventually someone used the term transsexual. We had spent a great deal of time in our youth on shared pursuits like video games and dungeons and dragons, and he was basically the only living family member I had any connection to. The older side of my family would be best described as conservative. I didn't count myself in that group based purely on the experiences I had during school, but as an only child and with my parents gone, my contact with the rest of the family was minimal anyway. I knew how they were going to treat him though, and I immediately started digging through my old contact info to try and track down his phone number. Two days and one archived hard drive later I found it. I dialed it as soon as I found it, and it rang quite a few times before the call was answered.

"Hey, not sure I have the right number here, is this Jimmy," I asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, is this John? Haven't heard from you in forever man." He sounded odd, but I decided not to focus on that.

"Look, I'm not going to pretend to know how to bring this up or discuss it, so I'm just going to get right to the point. I've heard some shit, and I know how a certain segment of the family can be, and if any of it is true, I'm sure they've been unkind at best. So, if you need somewhere to go, I have way more than enough room here. You won't even need to see me if you don't want to, but I hope that won't be the case." There was silence on the line for quite a while.

"Are you sure about this," Jimmy said quietly.

"Look, other than my parents, you're the only member of my messed-up family tree I give a damn about. On top of that I have 'fuck you' money."

"You have what?"

"Remember that anonymous lottery winner from several months ago? That was me, though obviously I would prefer it if you kept that information to yourself. You won't have to worry about food, a roof over your head or, whatever um, medical expenses or whatnot you may need. You can work if you want or you can spend all day playing World of Warcraft if that's what you want, I don't care."

"Uh, well about that," he said. "I sort of met someone through the game and they live with me. They're kind of young, five years younger than me, actually," he finished. I remembered that Jimmy was six years younger than me, which would make this person nineteen or so.

"Then bring them along. Seriously, my place is huge." There was silence again on the line and I think I heard muffled discussion in the background.

"You're sure," he asked one more time.

"It's like you said back in our D&D days; what good is all this loot if you don't rescue the occasional downtrodden soul. You were always the good guy in those games, the least I can do is try to live up to the ideal, even if I was the monster-loving DM back then." I heard Jimmy laugh at that and then there was brief quiet again.

"John?"

"Yeah."

"You have no idea what this means to me right now. I apologize in advance if I get over emotional when I get out there."

"So, you're accepting then," I said with a laugh.

"Yes, Terry has already started packing without me actually. I'll call you the day before we get there so you have some warning."

"Thanks, see you then. If you need anything to help with the move, just let me know. Don't bother with furniture or anything, unless it's sentimental or something. The place is furnished and stocked, and if anything isn't up to snuff, it's easily replaced or changed."

"I think we have that covered. We've been saving for an escape, which we have enough for, we just hadn't saved enough to cover what we'd need once we escaped *to* somewhere."

"Well, you won't have to worry about that. See you soon."

"Thanks again," he finished before ending the call.

I wondered after I put the phone away whether Terry was male or female, but I shrugged it off and decided I would learn all this eventually.

A week later they were pulling into my drive way and I got a kick out of seeing their mouths drop open at the size of the house. My cousin did not look good. It is difficult to describe without being unkind. People who are transitioning go through strange phases with their bodies and for some it can take a great deal of effort to appear as one sex or the other. I think Jimmy had opted to lean toward the masculine to try and be somewhat familiar. His partner looked much the same, but I obviously had no clue why. Terry had long unkempt blonde hair and looked, for lack of a better comparison, like a skinny 80s metal kid, complete down to the Metallica t-shirt and black jeans.

Jimmy introduced me as soon as I emerged from the front door. But I wasn't sure yet if Terry was male or female, so I let my ignorance lead the way.

"Ok, let's get the awkward stuff out of the way so I can start learning how interact properly."

"Um, sure," Jimmy said looking a little nervous.

"First, is it still 'Jimmy'?"

"Oh, um, no. I've repurposed my middle name and turned Samuel into Samantha."

"Right, then 'Sam' or 'Sammy' maybe," I asked which caused Sam to blush deeply.

"Let's start with 'Sam'," interrupted Terry, "since I'm the only one that calls her Sammy."

"Fair enough," I said. "Now, forgive the bluntness, but genetically speaking are you male or female," I asked Terry.

"Female, but relationship-wise, it's masculine and I dress and act that way. I'll leave it to Sam to explain the backstory, if he decides he needs to."

"No, no," I said immediately, "*you* decide that or you decide it together."

"I like you already John," he said with a smile.

"Well thank you," I said with a slight blush for which I could not explain. "One last thing," I said looking at Sam. "While you're here I expect you to be whoever it is you truly are. I'm not expecting or asking you to maintain some façade for my benefit. It's going to take me a while, but I will do my best to adjust accordingly. You're my cousin and I love you no matter how you're choosing to define yourself."

Sam launched herself into my arms after this and broke down in tears, big wracking sobs of tears, which had me alarmed initially. "Um, John," Terry said, "you obviously forget the women folk can be emotional wrecks. Her parents disowned her and you might be the only family member that's said anything remotely kind, so you may have to endure this embarrassing display for a few minutes."

There was a muffled 'shut up' from my shoulder, which made Terry laugh. At that moment, my wife arrived. Sam quickly tried to collect herself when she heard the car arrive.

"Sam and Terry, this is Diane, my wife."

"Nice to meet you both, let me take you in and give you the tour while dear hubby unloads the groceries," she said gesturing me toward her car. They quickly disappeared into the house while I headed toward the car. Their moving truck was the smallest model available and barely half full. It only took us an hour to unload. After that was done, my wife started making dinner and we were soon all gathered around a table to have our first meal together. I explained how my wife spent most of her days helping various charities in town and I only worked when I wanted to. They were suitably awed by our situation and the house. Then I told them I owned one of the other houses in the neighborhood and Sam laughed.

My house was part of a very small, very exclusive HOA area. There were only eleven houses on the small street and the lots were not overly large, even though the houses were. I had a secret plan to own the entire area, which is what led me to buy the first house that went up for sale after I moved in. In fact, I would own all of them within the next four years thanks to a rather significant downturn in the market. But that was still in the future. I told Sam that the other house currently had renters, but they were welcome to it when that lease ran out in 5 months if they wanted it. She said she would discuss it with Terry, but ultimately, they opted to stay with us so they felt like they had some connection to their new city.

They settled in quickly, but it took me quite a while before I stopped making mistakes regarding names and pronouns. To her credit, Sam never took offense to it, and thankfully I never made a goof in public. I don't know if Terry was just more forgiving or just didn't care, as he never once mentioned any issue with my reference to him. Neither he nor Sam ever told me his background beyond the most basic story involving their meeting through World of Warcraft. Terry acted fairly masculine, but I found him somewhat confusing every so often when I got a feminine vibe from him. My wife latched on to both quickly and thoroughly and it didn't take long for me to feel out numbered most of the time.

We settled into a routine and it seemed like five years passed in the blink of an eye. Sam began to help my wife with LGBTQ charities and surprisingly, Terry worked a regular job. He told me at one point that it was important to him to keep his career current and maintain the ability to support the family if he ever needed to. Terry even managed to resurrect our old D&D habit talking me into running a game every weekend for all of them, including my wife, who quite surprisingly took to the game with unexpected enthusiasm. Terry also tried, unsuccessfully, to get my wife and I into World of Warcraft. We simply didn't want to put in the time necessary to play at the level he and my cousin had attained. But life was good, and we were happy. In hindsight, I probably should have seen the luck running out, or the cost of it, or something, coming. Life has a way of dealing out blessings and damage at times when it is least expected.

Terry and I were both at home when the police arrived, and we knew immediately something was very wrong. Two officers came to the door and informed us that both Diane and Sam were gone, victims of a freeway accident that was apparently caused by a road rage incident that was worsened by the icy January road conditions. They were part of a large pileup, but were in the worst area, involving a semi. The officers informed us they died on impact and that another six people had died in the accident, including the two people that had started the incident, and a dozen or so were hospitalized. Terry and I were initially stunned into silence and didn't know how to react. I sent them away quickly and as soon as the door was closed, I found Terry in my arms crying uncontrollably. It was a decidedly feminine reaction, but I was too shocked by the news to take any note of it then.

The next day we were both stoic, and as time passed, we mourned privately for the most part. We talked a little when the funerals were held and relatives came in, but they were small affairs. Very few people from my family showed up for Sam's funeral, and I counted it a blessing, as I'm sure I would have reacted badly to their usual negativity. It was mostly friends that she had made over the last five years in attendance. The same was true for my wife as she had been an orphan and moved from foster family to foster family. But her charity work garnered her many friends that would dearly miss her contributions, so her funeral was a bit larger, if more impersonal to Terry and myself, as we didn't know most of the people there.

The day after Sam's funeral, Terry showed up in the living room with a serious demeanor and said he needed to talk to me. I turned off the television and gestured to a seat and for her to go ahead.

"I should have told you this a long time ago, but I really dislike the overly sympathetic reactions I normally get. When I was younger, my mom abused me, and the therapists later told me that is what led to my mental switch toward the masculine. My father just thought I was a tomboy, and at first maybe I was. But when I met Sam, things solidified for me in a way. She was female, but also very submissive, which I guess was a sort of convenience for me. I mean, I loved Sam, and she was the first person I felt any sort of connection with or learned to trust to any great degree. But, as my therapists at the time pointed out, she was also a mechanism by which my gender identity could fully express itself. My therapists wanted to dig deeper and explain or understand this, but to me it felt like they were questioning my happiness and I stopped seeing them shortly after that. I'm sorry it took tragedy to finally make me tell you, and I'm equally sorry I never told your wife."

This was one of those moments where Terry brought out confusion within me. I was unsure what physical gesture was appropriate here, and the ones that came to mind seemed awkward. In the end I simply placed one of my hands over his and said, "thank you for telling me." He blushed slightly at my touch, so I didn't let my hand linger long.

After that, our quiet segregation started to ease and Terry started to join me at dinner again, even though neither of us could cook. We would discuss delivery or pick up options and choose something. Then he surprised me by suggesting we should go out to a restaurant once a week on Friday as he was getting bored with the regular options we had. I pondered it for a few minutes, but ultimately, I realized he was right, and it would probably do us good to get out of the house anyway. We even ended up using it as an excuse to try types of food we had never eaten before. Some of those were successful and others were not, but they always led to interesting diversions.

Terry continued to work, but I found myself withdrawing more and more from what little I did at the law firm. I had a few conversations with Matt and he told me to take whatever time I needed, and that things would always be open for me there. In truth, with my wife gone, I found it hard to find anything worthwhile to pursue. She was instrumental in helping me pick and choose cases that I should spend time on, and without her there, it felt like a hollow exercise.

By the time June rolled around, I was starting to feel somewhat normal, despite my work detachment. I finally had our pool service company come by and get the backyard pool ready for use and spent some money to have all the aging deck furniture replaced. Terry wandered out when the furniture was being delivered and commented on the choices.

"You did need new chairs. Sam and I liked being out here, even though we didn't normally use the pool. I know we practically wore two of those chairs out just from sitting out here being lazy," he said with a grin.

"Ah, sorry, I should have asked you to come along and help me pick them out last week. I can be kind of over focused sometimes. It is kind of my first small step toward moving on, if you know what I mean."

"Nah, it's fine," he said, "and I understand the motivation completely." He headed back inside and I went back to directing the placement of things.

Two days later Terry gave me the shock of my life. I was standing in the kitchen after just getting myself a soda when she arrived in the adjoining living room heading toward the patio doors and presumably the pool. She opened the door and was in the doorway before my brain registered her. Yes, I said 'she' and 'her'. Her hair had been completely re-done and styled in a very feminine cut complete with pink highlights of all things. Her face was transformed by a conservative use of makeup, topped off with pink lipstick and baby blue makeup above her eyes. She was wearing an honest to god string bikini that was also pink. Prior to this moment, baggy t-shirts and jeans were the only things Terry wore around the house or to work, her hair was perpetually unruly and not styled, and not once had she ever worn makeup. I had no idea what she had looked like underneath, and her masculine persona was so complete, I had never once caught myself wondering what she did look like. She had a thin waist and very feminine hips and her breasts were an A cup. Surprisingly, her breasts were on the large side of that size and very firm with no sign of sagging or side effects to the crushing undergarment I always assumed she wore. She also looked to be far more toned than I remembered, as she looked like a workout model from a health magazine. My mouth fell open and I dropped my can of soda. She was stunning, so much so that I felt an immediate physical reaction, which just furthered my own shock.

Terry saw my reaction, blushed, and looked down at herself. "Am I hideous," she asked as she turned in a circle. It was then I noticed her butt was also round and firm with no sag, and her bikini bottom was a thong!

"You... I... when did... that's," I couldn't get out a complete sentence for several moments. In an effort to recover I bent down and picked up the soda can, but made no move to wipe up the spill. I looked back at her finally. "You look god damned beautiful," I blurted out, which caused her to blush even more. "Terry, what the hell is going on?" She knew I only cursed when I was stressed, so she took no offense to my language.

"Um, I guess I should apologize. I wasn't sure how to go about this and maybe I should have warned you or talked to you first."

"Go about what," I asked still openly staring at her body. I was keenly aware at that moment at how like my late wife she was. Except for the pink, Diane never wore pink, and she was never this... feminine.

"I started seeing a therapist again after the accident. I was reacting emotionally, and I wanted to understand things or myself I guess. The conclusion is apparently that despite being masculine for so long, I am apparently 'gender fluid'. Somehow, the loss of Sam has triggered a change, or you have."