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Click hereGreat. That made me feel so much better.
“I will give you this bit of advice though: Remain loyal. Remember what side your playing on. If you can do that, and do it long enough when he comes for you, you’ll be alright.” He polished off his last mozzeralla stick. “These are really fucking good. When Raven cools off, I’m definitely going to have to bring him here.
Again, it was like he had totally forgotten about me.
“What side I’m playing on? What the hell does that mean? Why can’t I get a straight answer?” God, I wanted to hit something.
“Because I’m not about to be the one that has that conversation with you. The deal you made, if you new the details, you might not have liked it. Some humans don’t. That’s one of the reasons Aphrodite and I are so pissed off that you weren’t informed of all the details. Zues probably had his reasons, he has to know better, but you have to remember, he’s a bit twisted.”
“Great, just fucking great,” I said. “I’ve got some kind of evil God on my ass, and nobody can tell me what’s going on. Real fucking great. Thanks for nothing.”
Oops. I felt more then heard the growl, it rattled the table and made my vision blur. I felt an awful pressure in my chest, like my heart and lungs were being compressed together and squeezed through a garden hose. I couldn’t breathe. The voice that spoke to me wasn’t entirely human.
“You forget yourself mortal. You have been given more then you deserve, and at great risk to myself. You cannot begin to comprehend what Set is capable of, or what he will do to me if I am caught alone and without aid. Still I am here, helping you. If you choose to not show me gratitude, very well, but you will keep your thankless and ignorant comments to yourself.”
My body was burned away to ash, my blood boiled down to a blackened sludge oozing like oil through the charred valves of my heart. A scaled beast of claws and fangs was in my chest, slashing at my rib cage. The world turned white with agony. The Universe was only suffering and the tormented screams of untold innocents.
As quickly as it came, it was gone. I was left sprawled on the table, sobbing into the polished wood. Across me me I heard him slurping up the last of his lemonade.
“Now,” he said to me, “Are we feeling more agreeable?”
“Ye-...Ye-...Yes. I-...I’m...I’m...Ss-suh..sorry.”
“My compassion for you is not to be mistaken for weakness. Nor will I be talked to in such a manner by breathing maggot food. Capiche?”
Ha! A native american god that speaks italian. For some reason this was hilarious. I didn’t laugh.
Suddenly my body began to feel warm all over, and despite the meat grinder I had just been put through, I started to feel good. Down right perky.
“Now you go ahead and have a good time tonight. Brandon and Carlos will be here in about 10 minutes. Something you should know about your friend, Brandon: His ancestors were great warriors once. He is a descendant of a chief who ruled almost all the land west of the great river to the endless lake. He is of noble blood, even if none alive can speak the name of his true tribe. Treat him well, and all will be forgiven between us. Oh and take care of the check for me.
He made a clicking noise with his tongue and winked at me.
“Okay. Coyote, thank you. Really. I’m sorry I spoke that way. I was afraid. You’ve helped me more then I’ll ever be able to thank you for.”
He didn’t say anything else, just nodded to me slowly and faded away softly until I was in the booth alone.
End Part 5
The poor spelling and grammar is extremely distracting from the good story.
Very good. A good twist on a very old concept.
Coyote left, however, without telling our hero how to contact him if he was needed. That seemed to be a failure on the part of the original God but every God seems to also forget. The Devil is in the details but is it a common trait in every God?
Yes, Hermes was a louse for not fully briefing our hero but damn...
Then and than seems to be a common problem for many writers.
Be care full with anger of the gods if you continue to spell their names wrongly.
Zeus it is.
I like your story
I love these stories - they are my favourites so far - so intriguing that I almost skip past the sex to get to the rest!
The only minor point is that some misprints have crept in - if you don't have a beta-checker and want one I'll be glad to help - the reward of reading your new stories is enough :)
A
please, please, learn to use the word "than." It has a different meaning altogether than "then." Also, "knew" is different from "new," no matter how much alike they sound. The little things like that can throw me out of a good story just when I'm getting into it.
Just great! As they say on Ocean Avenue in Brooklyn.
"What's not to like?"
Great story so far, cant wait for the next chapter when he starts to have some more fun with the other mere mortals.
Awesome story mate... Keep up the good work, keeping writing more. Its good to finally read something that has a great storyline and some nice fuck lines.... The other comment was right.... Put this shit in a book, I would buy it
Plus I love the way he thinks of the funniest jokes but doesn't say them out loud for fear of being kicked in the balls.
Oh yeah the whole hype up Aphrodite then say in short she gave you a boner was a classic. More please more
Dude,
You should spend your time writing this into a novel! I'd buy it in a heartbeat!
Bill
Okay, so what we have , here, is a little 'morality play' with the Greek/Roman(?) gods set up to be the good guys, the Egyptian gods set up to be the bad guys & the AmerIndian gods (I'm familiar with all of 'em so far: Coyote(the Trickster), Raven(I don't recall what he was god of), Aphrodite(goddess of Beauty {& other things....}), Hermes(the Greek messenger god & etc) & ZEUS(the 1st Greek god, he did defeat the Titans & all the other Greek gods were 'born' from his head[short version]. Question: are you going to involve any other pantheons(Norse, IndiaIndian, etc)? There are literally TONS of 'em...? Every civilization we've ever had!
This story has it all: sensual, erotic, intrigue & danger, and poetic justice. You really have a future all-time highest rated story brewing here. Looking forward to more chapters !