Girlfriend with Testing Device Ch. 11

Honestly, I had never felt so alive. All my life I'd seen the way girls move, so graceful and beautiful, and I'd always felt so awkward and ungainly compared to them. And now here I was, finally getting a chance to experience that grace. My body felt so absurdly light. I loved it. I was euphoric. This was how I was supposed to feel, this is how I was supposed to look.

With an exaggerated motion of my arm, I climbed the pole, grasping it as high as I could and dragging my body into it, sticking out my ass as I straightened out my legs, then rising at the hips. I spun and leaned my back against it's cold hardness. I winked at the crowd as I leisurely brought my hands behind my back and triggered the clasp to release my top.

If I had gotten, even just for a second, to experience what it was like to truly be a girl, I'd have been happy. This? This was so much more than that. All my life I'd looked up to all these amazingly attractive sexy girls as though they were the platonic ideal of femininity, and now here I was. I was graceful, elegant, beautiful, confident. I was sexy. I wasn't just a girl, I was, in my mind, the perfect girl. I was the girl I had always wanted to be. Can you imagine how good that felt?

A series of wolf whistles greeted my tits as they sprung free. Now I was grinning for real. They may not have been my boobs, but I was still proud of them. I rubbed my hands over my soft creamy mounds and down along my body as I rolled my back and thrust out my chest. God, they were so sensitive, and my nipples were so fucking hard. The skin on this body felt so tight. This whole thing had me so fucking horny. It was all I could do not to just start pinching them right then and there.

Mmm... well... Maybe just one pinch. I gasped. Mmm... Yeah... they got almost as big a kick out of that as I did. Maybe I could go just a little further? It wouldn't be too hard to slip a hand down and...

I shook my head. No. As fun as that would be, I had a routine to finish.

I lifted one leg in the air, still amazed at how flexible this body was, and kicked it up as high as it could go before bringing it back and using the momentum from it to swing myself around the pole, twirling as I went.

Fuck, had I really been about to just start jilling off in front of everyone? What was wrong with me? I should have been mortified, but I wasn't. Instead... why the hell was that idea so goddamn appealing?

I stopped on the opposite end, legs wide apart in a lunge position as I crossed them back and forth while I swung my torso over them like I was gently massaging them with my breasts. Then, one more spin down low and my face and chest were pressing into the floor as I lifted my ass in the air, bending 90 degrees at the hips as my ass rose, giving everybody a good hard look at my soft, dripping pussy.

I couldn't shake the sensation that I was enjoying this way too much. I was euphoric, but I couldn't explain everything I was feeling. The fun of the dance and the thrill of finally being able to let the girl inside of me out... it was amazing, but there was something else there too. What kind of a girl gets so wet doing stuff like this? Maybe that was what was bothering me, I didn't just feel like a girl, I felt like a slut. Hadn't I gotten so mad at Elizabeth when she had called me that? I mean, honestly. Me? A slut? Me? A tease? Please.

I smiled internally. This was the fun part. As I rolled gently onto my back, I lifted my legs into another shoulderstand, then kept going, flipping myself over entirely in a roll. A cheer went out from the crowd. My torso followed my butt as I brought myself to all fours, a sassy arc in my back. Then, with a push back into a kneeling position, I blew a kiss to the guy in front of me.

The guy in question turned out to be a cute, demure looking thing. He was blushing completely red and couldn't seem to make eye contact with me to save his life. Several of his friends were patting him on his back. It was pretty clear they had dragged him out for it and that it was his first time doing something like this. He wasn't half bad. Tall, athletic, clean cut, a real boy next door type. Shame. I like my men confident.

Still, I made sure to give him a wink and a little extra show as I rose back up, bent at the hips, running my hands along my chest. His eyes were glued to my tits. He was going to be dreaming about me tonight. I smiled internally, why did that have such a strong appeal to me?

I wasn't that sort of person. Was I? I wasn't a slut, I wasn't a tease. Right? I mean, I was a little boy crazy sure, but that's perfectly normal. Guys were hot. Look at them. Who wouldn't want to get with them? It's not like I paraded around in front of men because I wanted them to fuck me or anything. I just... I liked it when guys were nice to me.. Compliment my figure... bro stuff, right? It's not like I ever strung them along or anything. I've never dated any and I've certainly never fucked any... so why did parading around in front of them like this get me so turned on?

I gave another smile to the crowd as I walked back to the pole, my hips doing an exaggerated roll as I went. I was far back enough on stage that I could just catch a glimpse of Ellen and Elizabeth peeking their heads around from backstage. I put some wiggle in my walk and turned to blow Ellen a kiss. Her jaw had apparently dropped at some point and she had never bothered to pick it back up, but I could see the corners of her mouth rise anyway.

Elizabeth looked jealous. I couldn't blame her, I'd be jealous of me right now too.

I turned my attention back to my admirers. Sure I'd never slept with anyone, but, uhg, hadn't I loved stringing guys along this whole time? Hadn't I loved the attention? Hadn't I always wanted to dress sexier? Didn't I love this? I felt like a dripping piece of fuckmeat, and I loved it. In all my years dancing, I'd never felt the way I did now. Putting on a show was one thing but this was like... a revelation.

As I sauntered around the pole again, pirouetting and shaking and grinding my hips for the crowd. It was all I could do not to start humping the thing in earnest. I reached up as high as I could and grabbed the top, bringing my legs up and off to the side. I swung my body around and around the pole as I bent one leg back and out, like I was doing a sideways split. Fuck, this body was so amazingly flexible.

But... this wasn't who I was, was it? Was this the device? Or had this been inside me all along just waiting to get out, some aspect of my feminine anima that had never had a chance to manifest? I hated the notion that my femininity was so sexual.. Like it was something so dismissive as a fetish... but there it was. I was more than sex, but sex was a part of me. There was nothing wrong with that, right? It was like Ellen was always saying, if this is where I found comfort in my gender or my sexuality, then who had the right to say otherwise?

A big part of pole dancing is being able to use it to create interesting poses. Create lines, create curves. Legs are great for that, fifty percent of the lines you can make with your body are from your legs. Move them around, stick them out. I gave a great sweep of my legs as I danced around the pole, crossing them over each other and creating a smooth undulating curve with my back as I rolled my body, rubbing the cold metal of the pole against first my hips and then my chest. I repeated the motion a few times, to create the impression that I was sensually making love to the thing, then I swept out my hair and started to piruett my way around it, building up momentum.

Okay, so maybe this wasn't a symptom of my femininity. I could be a girl and not be this... but this was something that I was too. Fuck, it felt so good. So right. This wasn't who I was? Maybe this is who I should be.

The song flared up, so I jumped and I spun, hanging off the pole like it was a fair ride, the momentum of my spin carrying my legs up into the air. I twisted my body around and around, letting my legs land just long enough to hop back up as I spiral around once more, spreading my legs perpendicular to the to the pole. I roll through the motion with the core of my hips with a smoothness that makes it look like what I'm doing is the most natural thing in the world.

Maybe this was a sign that I should embrace these desires. Maybe I should be proud of who I was inside. Maybe I was a tease? Maybe I was a slut? I shivered at the word. Yeah... something about that felt kind of right.

And then I spun once more and let myself fall, catching myself against the pole at the last second, my tits crushing against the floor, my face inches from it, and my ass up and bared naked for the room to see. I released the pole and rolled my back into my hips until I was kneeeling and then I leaned back, arms spread, knees parted, erotically charged.

I let out a heavy breath. Okay, so I was a slut. Fuck. And right now I wanted everyone to know it.

I rolled myself forward in a wanton, sexy crawl until I was in front of the pole once more. I rose into a shoulder stand and caught it with my legs, then rolled my body up until I was upright again. I reached up and grabbed with my arms, legs swaying back and forth like I was on a swing. I rose up a little more each time.

All those eyes on me, devouring my body. This felt so good. It was sexy and feminine and fun and dancy and I wanted more of this in my life. I clutched the pole tight with my legs. Fuck, it felt so good. I felt like my body was on a hair trigger. Just one wrong move and... ah... I bit my lip.

I let go of the pole with my hands and lean back, blowing an upside down kiss to the crowd. Then, as the song went into its climax, so did my routine. I spun faster, faster, and faster, descending down the pole like a corkscrew in time to the music.

The song ended as I rose back up to my knees, tits first, like a demure obedient little thing. I kept my head down, but kept the big flirtatious smile on my face. I was panting with need. Every breath I took felt heavy. My skin was on fire.

They cheered. I blushed. This. This is what it feels like to be a girl. To be loved and admired, the yin to that overwhelming sea of yang. This was validation. I pulled it off. I had never been more content in my whole life. I wanted to just bask in that glow, but my body was still so horny, so demanding.

I rose to my feet and gave the crowd a little curtsy. Do I take the money? There was so much of it. I gathered up what I could, thanking the boys as I did, then I snatched up my top as I rushed back behind the stage. I needed to get to a bathroom and work off this steam, or talk to Ellen about it or something. Would she understand? How do you even broach something like that? How do you tell the love of your life that maybe you really really like it when a swarm of horny anonymous guys objectifies you? She was open minded though, maybe she'd understand.

As soon as I got behind the curtains Ellen was all over me. "Baby!" She practically tackled me into the wall with her excitement. "Oh my god, that was incredible!"

"Aw, thank you, baby!" I said, hugging back. I could feel her throbbing erection pressing into my waist. I laughed. How gross.

"See?" Said Elizabeth, also giving me a big grin. Fuck she had such a handsome smile. "Wasn't that fun?"

"Okay, fine," I said, begrudgingly. "You were right. That was amazing. I feel like I learned so much about myself out there. I... I kind of want to go again..."

"It's addicting isn't it?" She laughed. "I'll tell you what, Evan, you can dance at my club anytime."

"Aw, thank you, Elizabeth." I gave her a hug. That meant a lot to me. I was still trying to decode the feelings I had had up there, but I know I loved every moment of it. Mmm... and Elizabeth's arms felt so warm and powerful... and she smelled so nice. My body was quivering as I broke apart. Wow, I guess I was still really worked up.

"Okay," said Ellen, looking out at the crowd. "My turn!"

I looked over at the device in Elizabeth's hands.

"Baby?" I asked, softly, "Do you... do you want to borrow my dancing skills?" Geeze, that was much harder to say than I expected. I'd only had the skills for maybe ten minutes now and already it seemed so difficult to part with them. But if Ellen wanted, I'd give them to her. I'd give up anything for her.

"Um." She looked down at me then back over at the stage. "No, baby, but thank you. Stuff like this... it can be nerve racking, but that just makes it exciting, right? I want to do this on my own."

"Wait, really?" Elizabeth raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"N-nothing. It just seems a little out of character."

"Are you kidding? I love stuff like this!"

"You do?" Elizabeth asked.

I... I was drawing a blank. I don't think I could remember ever seeing Ellen dance. Could she dance? How had this not come up? How have I not gone out dancing with that girl every single night? Clearly we'd have to fix that as soon as possible.

"I mean," she looked at Elizabeth, "we dance all the time at clubs, right?"

"Yeah," Elizabeth laughed, "and it's a chore getting you out there, let alone onto the dance floor."

"Are you kidding me?" she slurred. "It's a chore to get me off the dance floor."

"What?"

"Look, the important thing is that I need to go out there and do this on my own. I have to grasp control of my own sexuality and sexual experiences. Jenny had a whole thing about it in her latest blog post. It's about enacting agency or whatever. I want to do this for me, so I gotta do it as me, you know? Besides, dancing's easy, the important thing is to look good, right? The rest is all just gravy."

I laughed. I felt kind of insulted that she'd boil dancing down to that, but she wasn't wrong.

"I... " Elizabeth just looked at Ellen confused "I guess your right." She laughed, then patted Ellen on the back. "Go get 'em girl."

"And as for you, miss." I grinned as she said the word. "You're the only person whose opinions I care about. So I want you to watch me out there, okay? It... it would mean a lot to me." She gave me a sweet little kiss on the cheek. "I love you."

"Aw," I said, giving her a big chaste hug. "I wouldn't miss it for the world. I love you too, baby."

I may not have found her sexually attractive, but I was still excited to see her dance. Our relationship was founded on sweet little moments like this, shared experiences and passions. I loved that girl so much.

Without even a second look back, she stepped out on stage. I was so proud of her.

Ellen's dancing was... well, there was no beating around the bush, it was pretty bad. It was unskilled, disorganized and amateurish, but there was just something to be said for the way that that wasn't stopping her in the slightest. She had put her mind to it and she was going to go out there and do her best.

It was sort of what you'd expect from a girl dancing at a club. Hips wiggling, hands waving. At one point she had grabbed the pole and was using it to hold herself up while she shook her ass. It was sexy and it was sensual, even if it was unskilled.

The crowd was a little hesitant at first, but eventually they started to get into it. It probably helped that her top came off sooner rather than later.

She was blushing a little as she shook and waved her jiggling breasts. Given the decided lack of cute girls in the audience, I bet it was more from embarrassment than arousal, but there was a smile on her face, too. Her real smile, not the fake one she liked to use. She was having fun.

The shy guy in the front seemed especially enamored. Was Ellen his type, I wondered? I wondered if maybe the girl that Ellen swapped attractiveness with was his type. What were they seeing out there?

"Evan," came a low whisper from behind me. "Can i talk to you for a second?"

I turned and glanced at Elizabeth. Her eyes gleamed like a jungle cat's as they flickered up from my ass to my eyes.

"I, uh, I've been thinking..." her voice was low and sultry.

"Uh huh?"

"You and ellen have been together for a while, right?"

"We have." I cooed. "Isn't she great? Look at her! I'm so proud of her. I mean, you must know she's great, you're her friend. Ah, I've never met anyone else like her. She's just so... wonderful. Fuck, I love her so much."

"Right, right" she interrupted. "She's fantastic." She gave a lecherous look to Ellen out on stage. "I get that, trust me, I do."

We both stared at Ellen as her schoolgirl skirt came off, revealing her bulging thong.

"I'm surprised though," she added, "because, well, you... um... you like boys right?"

"Hell yeah I like boys." I giggled. "Boys are cute and sexy and big and strong and just so... masculine." I let out a lusty little sigh. I was still so damn horny. "But Ellen..." I continued "I love Ellen. Not sexually, of course... but like, emotionally, romantically. She's perfect. Divine. Heavenly. I trust her, I feel safe around her, I want to spend every day of my life with her. I want to be there for her no matter what happens. I want to grow old with her. When I die, I want to be buried next to her. I could go on."

"I understand that." Elizabeth laughed. "But, being in a sexless relationship... it must be so... hard on you." she paused and stepped in closer. Fuck. The masculine smell of her perfume was doing things to my knees. "Haven't you ever wanted to date someone who could..." she put a hand on my shoulder, "make you feel good?"

"You know it's funny... guys are sexy and all, and your right, it's difficult not having some kind of sexual release, but as hot as they get sometimes, I've never really met any who I really cared about, you know? Not like the way I care about Ellen."

"It doesn't have to be a guy, Evan." She was close now. I could feel her warmth. She brought her big warm hand up and stroked my cheek.

I blinked in surprise, then slapped her hand away and took a step back.

"Elizabeth. Stop." I looked up at her and tried to sound commanding, but with how horny I was, I think this one might have come out as a whimper. "Cut it out. I just told you, I'm in love with Ellen, there's nothing you can do to change that fact."

"But she's not giving you what you need!" She stepped in closer. "You find me attractive right? I can see it in your eyes! I could give you so much more! We could be so good together!"

My head was swimming. My body was screaming at me to take her deal, to let myself get held down and fucked, to do whatever it took to get off. But there was only one part of my body that I was going to listen to in a moment like this, and that was my heart.

"No, Elizabeth." I spoke slowly and clearly. "You're a nice girl, and you're a good friend to Ellen, which I really appreciate, but no. You say Ellen doesn't give me what I need? You're wrong. Ellen is my rock, my angel, and my best friend. She gives me more love and support than a guy like me... a person like me... deserves."

I took a step away and turned back to face the stage.

"Look," I said "I appreciate that you find me attractive, and yes, I do find you sexy. In fact I think you've always been more beautiful than you give yourself credit for, but I'm not interested. Even if you are... like," I gulped, "crazy hot, goddamn."

"I..." Elizabeth laughed then frowned. "You're right. I'm... I'm sorry." She walked up next to me, and we both peard out over the crowd. This wasn't the first time Elizabeth had hit on me, but she wasn't normally this aggressive. Still, I was just glad we had put this behind us. With how horny I was, I don't know what would have happened if she'd pushed.