All Comments on 'Girls Nite Out, Guys Nite In Ch. 01'
by luuv2watchu
- 11 Comments
Seriously? No lead up, no back story, no explanation as to how they call came to be in this situation in the first place? This could have been great, instead you've ruined it before it could even get started. Thankfully with this 'thing' already about to drop below a 4.0 in ratings, others will see this and and skip right past it for more quality work on this site. You tagged this with 'surprise ending' when I knew just how it was going to end before I even started reading. I'm betting the next chapter has his wife and daughters getting in on the fun, probably not at all concerned by finding their male family members fucking and possibly even revealing that they've been screwing around with their mother this whole time as well.
Abrupt
No objections to the gay male incest, but the story deteriorated precipitously after the first mention of the ubiquitous '9 inch cock.' Most of us care far less about the impressive appendages than the individuals attached to them, what they are feeling, their motivations, their desires. A little context would go a long way here.
yowser, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Thanks for comment. I need to get better.
I wrote ch. 1 more how I watch a porn movie than how a story should start: fast forward past the bad acting to the hot sex scene. I have favorited a few more user 'how to' stories here on Literotica and am reading them to help me improve my prose skills.
To brown nose you a little bit and give you a little context and motivation about why I'm writing and posting stories here. My two stories so far are pretty much my only attempts at creative writing since dropping out of high school in grade 9! Crazy I know.
LIterotica, rightly so, rejected my first 2 times submitting 'Slut Wife, Porn, Me And Buddy' for poor use of quotation marks. After 2nd attempt they kindly sent me a "how to make characters talk" 'how to' page here on Literotica. I read, applied what I learned (a fuck of a lot) resubmitted and it was accepted on 3rd try, yay!
So I'll continue to read (have 4 more 'how to' pages from Literotica now) and endeavour to improve.
And anonymous I'll try and make ch. 2 less predictable. Maybe not great as you say it could've been but little better as chapters come out, say once every 2 years. Joking.
I'm struggling way more than I thought I would with ch. 2.
In my head now too much. Wanting it to be better maybe than I'm actually capable of making it at my current skill level. Argh, too much self doubt creeping in. I don't want it to be f'ing too predictable. Or am I dismissing predictable too quickly? Sometime the right amount of predictable can be hot anticipation, yes? Ugh. Over and out.
Any suggestions in a brief synopsis are welcome people. :)
Anonymous, fuck I'm trying. I got a little shell shocked with comments so trying to make it good. It's taking for fucking ever. I've got only 1000 words so far and I think I solid chapter should be at least in the 4000 words range.
This is a great start, I like the premise and looking forward to wives and daughters joining in. The story seemed rushed and too short, spend some more time with the build-up and back story.
it is so hot when fathers and their boys, uncles sons and cousins love to have sex together. not the wife and girls have seen all the action what will they do if they don't already do it . looking forward to more about this lovely family.
Nice. Skip the intro and direct to the fuck fest. Raw and raunchy. Fun for the (w)hole family
Wow, great story although short I was hard as a rock wishing I was Eli. I wish my dad and brothers were like this family we could have had so much fun. I also wish that my mom and sister was into incest. I have wanted to have sex with all of them for many years.
Please continue the story. I know you have said you are going to. Have you had much progress since your post in 2020. I know there are a number of people who would love to read chapter 2.