All Comments on 'In Plane View'
by Djmac1031
- 18 Comments
Good to see the final version published - we have our respective E / V stories published on the same day, how cool is that? Let battle begin 😊. Though I know I’m up against an E / V veteran, whereas I just lost my cherry 😉. Em
Nice job finding motivations for these characters that made sense to me. Often that's what I'm miss when I read fetishes in not personally into.
Little disappointed that he did ask her out at the end. Sure, men and women can be just friends, but right after sex seems a little more suspect.
Not quite the mile high club, but still a wonderful way to pass time on a flight. Just wondering how many times this has really happened, not the video tapping, but mutual masturbating under a blanket while in flight? Good story, thanks.
5 Stars and a favorite! Well done. So, sexy, fun and sweet. A really good story.
Quite a little of the Mile High Club. She's the perfect prick tease giving just enough not to piss you off!
#MillieDynamite
I considered mentioning the Mile High Club in some fashion, but since they didn't actually fuck I figured technically it didn't count.
This was fun and sexy. Didn't care for the dying husband bit, seemed a bit over the top and unnecessary. I thought she was going to get called out on that being fake at some point, or perhaps she'd own up to making it up to draw sympathy, but other than that your writing style is great. I enjoyed it.
Yet another great story Dj! The characters are believable, and the lead up was just right.
I have to note the tip of the hat to the olfactory fetish we both love so much! Lol
I read the previous comment about the dying husband being unnecessary. To me it made her more likable. She's not just your run of the mill exhibitionist.
Plus it gave a definite ending to the piece, otherwise everyone would be clamoring for chapter 2.
5 more stars from me buddy
I thought this was pretty average, which is perfectly fine. I wouldn’t say that there was anything dreadful about it.
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It’s a shorter piece, so you opened with a nice hook and placed us straight into the action. But I felt like your descriptions were a little dry and unimaginative, which didn’t help set the table for what you had in store later on.
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For me, any piece that uses language like “labia” and “vulva”, while referring to “her sex”, moves into a territory where you’re sacrificing heat and sensuality for clinical descriptions more befitting a biology class. That was the biggest issue for me, in that you struggled to generate any heat that would get me invested in what Jess and Bradley did together.
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On top of that, you struggled to build any chemistry between the pair. I noted that she played with herself, unashamedly, while letting him watch, but she got embarrassed a few times with her actions. For a successful adult content creator, Jess would’ve benefited from being presented with more confidence and a willingness to take charge of Bradley, a regular civilian, who was out of his depth. I also felt that there was a clash between the spice of Jess’ profession and her husband’s terminal illness that did you no favours when trying to seduce the reader. The themes clashed and it was just too difficult to find this arousing.
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In the main, this is a well written piece from a structural standpoint, but there were a few issues with messy punctuation and grammar at the start. Also, and this is just my opinion, but you spent a lot of time describing Bradley sleeping and feeling tired. In a short piece like this, front-loading your work with talk or sleep and fatigue makes me feel tired just reading it. I’d recommend aiming for the opposite in your future openings.
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58/100. ⭐⭐⭐
As always, great story. You always show just the right amount f restraint in your writing.
Oh, the humanity, Dj!
I really did like this story. Some might say that Jess' motivations jar when juxtaposed with what happens on the flight, but I think they offer reality which is surely relatable.
What's more, I really do appreciate such sticky tendrils, coming from little butterfly wings, and their intoxicating powers!
I'd like if the woman from 4 rows up had a comment for our couple at the end. I think she knew what went down and would like to let them know, discretely.