In This Isekai All My Girlfriends are IP Violations Pt. 01

"Oh! OH!" She exclaimed. "Are you from Earth-Prime?"

Aiden dropped his hands down so it just covered his mouth. In the kitchen, he could hear clattering and clinking from Eve's mom - if, following the 'changed just enough to be out of trouble' naming convention of everything else, Evening Glitter's mother would be...Evening Silk or something like that. He nodded, mutely.

"Wow," Eve said. "I knew at least someone had to be the Primer here. So, uh...welcome to a pocket dimension! We call it Dimension City."

"Creative," Aiden said, his voice dry.

"Well, we're something of a new dimension, we're kind of under probation. I don't know a lot of details since, like, I was yanked from my universe and thrust in here a few months ago. Most of us are still adjusting." She beamed. "Fortunately, the school's already up and running! We're all so happy about that!" She giggled and bounced a bit.

"Speaking of school, you two are going to be late if you don't get a move on!" Eve's mom called out.

"Right mom! Also! Mom! Mom! Aiden's the Primer!" Eve said, pointing at him. "He's from Earth-Prime!"

"Oh!" Eve's mom said, blinking. "That's fantastic, dear. Uh, do...talk to me about that later, Aiden, after school?" She grinned. "I want to compare notes."

"Notes on what?" Aiden asked - but then Eve was grabbing his hand and yanking him out the door. He snatched up one of the two backpacks waiting by the door more through impulse and reflex than anything else and yelped as he was dragged away. The door swung shut behind him as Evening Silk licked her lips, then shook her head, then sighed.

"I sure hope he lives."

***

Aiden's first view of Dimensional City was as impressive as it was confounding. He had never really been to the big big city back when he had been Eugene and on Earth-Prime - he had mostly been a child of the 'burbs and downtowns of the infill between San Jose and San Fransisco. The tallest skyscrapers he had ever seen had been the three or four story office buildings seen from the window of his real parents van as they drove along a winding, rambling highways. But Dimension City was a full on city, with towering skyscrapers and glittering office blocks arranged along thick roads that were heavy with quickly moving traffic. Past the buildings he could see the glitter of what seemed to be a crescent shaped bay, and to the east and west, he could see hills covered with verdant greenery. The signage was in a mixture of not quite English, almost Spanish, and weird alien characters that all merged together to create a strangely real sense of place...despite it being no place at all.

Evening Glitter was more than happy to give him the narrative tour as they walked along the sidewalk. "Dimension City is built in Crescent Cove, which itself is on the Summer Sea. Around us, we have Emerald Hills, which are prime tourist destinations. Well, currently, they're tourist destinations for people in D-City itself, since, uh...we're kinda off the main Manifold Nexus interlink passages." She shook her head. "New dimension and all that."

"How do you know all this?" Aiden asked.

"This isn't my first time dealing with other worlds," she said, laughing.

"Riiiiiiiight," Aiden said, remembering the films he had seen her...more copyrighted original from.

"And I read a lot of books in the Liberty Library waiting for school to start," she said, sighing softly. "Did you know that fifty percent of new dimensions are budded off original dimensions - this is one of the other half that was specialty built by an Architect. Ever seen The Good Place?"

"No?" Aiden said.

"It's like that!" Eve said.

"Okay, is that good? I assume it's good. Right?" Aiden asked.

"The Good Place is set in Hell," Eve said, then held up a finger. "Buuuut in some theological interpertations, Hell is just separation from the Creator. So, you know. Mixed?"

They came to a crosswalk, where Aiden saw two other students. One of them was the Latina girl he had definitely not seen naked and changing, no siree. He was thinking so hard about how he had never seen her naked and changing that he barely noticed the fact that the girl she was talking too was an alien.

"Luz! Dalann!" Eve said, excitedly. "My new adoptive brother is from Earth-Prime."

The Latina girl, Luz, screamed. The alien was more demure - she was a devastatingly beautiful pale skinned girl with long dark brown hair that tumbled around her narrow, elegant shoulders, marked as an alien in the most classic, space opera means by giving her one (1) identifiable alien trait. In this case, it was a crest of bone that swept along the back of her head like a kind of low slung tiara, giving her a faintly princess-ly air. Her reaction amounted to a light smile and an arched eyebrow.

"He looks just like a regular human!" Luz said, walking to Aiden's side, leaning in close to examine his ear. "Oh! Sorry!" She held out her hand. "Luz Notceda."

"Notceda?" Aiden asked, taking her hand awkwardly. She had held out the wrong hand.

"Si," she said, cheerfully. "This is Dalann. She's an alien-human hybrid. Pretty cool, huh?"

Dalann looked faintly pained at Luz's excitement.

"Are...you two...from...dimensions too?" Aiden asked, uncertainty.

"Aren't we all?" Dalann asked, her smile returning. "I do believe the, ah, light is turning green?"

"Come on!" Luz said, grabbing onto the hand that Eve hadn't grabbed onto. The two of them hauled him forward across the street, both of them passing the excited nerd ball back and forth between one another like they were playing...some...kind of collaborative ball game, Aiden wasn't big into sports. "-so, we're starting the school year soon, you're going to love it, there are so many classes- we have magic, and we have - they have magic! - and we have history, dimensional travel- mecha piloting! - and we have a lot of English courses too and- sword lessons! - and we have - they have a superman!"

Aiden's head was positively spinning as they crossed the street, came around the corner, and found themselves looking at the sprawling academy of the Academy of the Multiverse. Girls and boys of dozens of different recognizable franchises were visible to Aiden's just barest glance, though he didn't dare try and mentally identify them with any names, lest Kyute show up to berate him more. He saw people he recognized - a few princesses, at least one video game character - and even more that he didn't - who the hell was the chick with the fucking monster wings that looked like sword arms.

"Sarah!" Luz shouted to the monster lady as she walked by. "Sarah! Sarah! This guy's from Earth."

"Don't care," Sarah Whoever She Was said, holding her textbooks to her chest.

"She's so cool," Luz whispered to Aiden.

The faint creak of wheels on pavement made Aiden glance over his shoulder. He pulled a double take as he saw a long, sleek limousine pulling up to the side of the school. "Oh, it's Bryce," Dalann said, happily, while Luz put her hands over her mouth in excitement. Eve ducked behind Aiden, almost hiding, as Aiden hesitated, hands held at his sides. He wasn't sure why he was tensing up as if this limo was about to punch him in the nuts - but he was trying to figure out who the hell Bryce might be as the driver of the limo emerged. He was a tall, severe looking man in a butler's outfit. He butled over to the passenger door, opened it, and out came a tall, grim, eighteen year old boy with a black mop of hair, bags under his eyes, and a build somewhere between a boxer and a crate full of roided up otters. In short, he was lithe, and he was dangerously built, even under his school uniform. He eschewed a backpack for a briefcase.

"Good morning, Bryce," Dalann said.

"Dalann," he said, nodding and giving her a kind of easy, casual smile. "Looking fine as ever. Luz. Eve....new guy."

"Aiden," Aiden said, holding out his hand. "Aiden, uh, Dalbert."

Bryce nodded. "I'm Bryce. Bryce Paine."

Rich.

Bryce. Buttler. Gothy looking. Strong. Rich. Limo. Butler. Bryce. Bryce.

Aiden's eyes almost bugged out of his head as the realization clicked into place.

"See you in class," Bryce said.

"He's so dreamy," Luz whispered.

"He sleeps with every girl he can get into bed," Eve muttered.

"...y...you say this like it's a bad thing?" Luz giggled to herself. "That means he knows how to trabaja su lengua, jeje!" She put her hand over her mouth, blushing hard.

"He carries a great weight," Dalann murmured.

"Yeah, cause he's obviously Batman?" Aiden asked.

"Who's Batman?" Luz asked.

"Do you mean Darkman, the midnight protector of the city?" Eve asked.

"...right. Bryce Paine is Darkman," Aiden said, his voice monotone.

"That's absurd," Luz said, laughing. "He's the richest playboy in Dimension City, what's next, you're going to say Mark Bent is Hyperman?"

"Yes!" Aiden said.

***

The first class in the Academy of the Multiverse - or AOTM according to the student body - was called Homeroom. Back in California, Aiden hadn't gone to homeroom, ever. He had mostly seen it in cheesey quasi-pornographic anime and even cheesier explicitly pornographic hentai, and he had kind of thought it was just a Japanese thing. Well, now, it was definitely a Japanese thing and a multiversal pocket dimensional thing, because he was in the back row of Homeroom, watching as Luz and Eve debate the merits of runic versus inherent magic.

"So, what is...Earth like?" Dalann asked as she sat beside him, looking concerned.

"Uh, increasingly hot?" Aiden said.

"Like moi, babyeee!"

"Oh great, it's Kyute," Eve muttered as Aiden craned his head to peer over Dalann's shoulder to see that Kyute was sitting next to her, still with her brunette hair and no sign of any fairie wings. "You know that we all know you're a lust fairie, you don't have to keep hiding it."

"Fine," Kyute said, and her hair glittered, shimmered and grew out just a bit - her wings unfurling with a shimmer as she wriggled in her seat. Aiden noticed - thanks to the open edges of the chairs that were attached to the desks - that her skirt had just shrunk two inches. "Spoilers: I'm a lust fairie."

"We know! We all knew!" Eve exclaimed.

"Now, I gotta exposit tay the big meta zay ploternay," Kyute said, then tapped her nose and winked. "This is top secret, bee tee dubs. No one else gets to know. Not you." She pointed at Dalann, who frowned at her. "Nor you." She pointed at Eve. "Nor even you, cute cheeks." She pointed at Luz, who scowled.

"Hey, why not!?" Luz asked.

"Listen, chica, if you were an Earth-Primer, you'd get to know," Kyute said, confidently. "So, come on, A-town, lets slip on to the bathroom and get to the expositing." She stood up, her wings fluttering as she started to shimmer, then turn translucent - literally vanishing before their eyes.

Aiden sighed. "I'll tell you all what she says when I get back," he said, which mollified Luz and Eve. Dalann, though, was frowning. Her finger had slid to her forehead, and she rubbed gently at her pale, pale skin - revealing the glittering gold of a triangle there, shining beneath her skin. It hadn't been there before, and looking at it made Aiden feel a growing sense of unease. Seeing his expression, Dalann hastily brushed her bangs forward to cover it, her voice soft.

"You should go to meet with this Kyute. But be cautious, Aiden. She is not all that she appears."

Aiden gulped. This whole world had been feeling pretty fucking silly up until now. But the severity Dalann put into her pronouncement...

He stood up, thinking to himself: If you die in the isekai, you die in real life, huh?

"Teach?" he asked.

"Yes?" the teacher asked, a drop dead gorgeous blond woman that he was sure he was supposed to recognize from somewhere. She had introduced herself as Miss Ziegler, but he had no idea who she was.

"Can I, uh, go to the bathroom?" he asked.

Miss Ziegler nodded. "Yes, of course," she said, then sipped from her cup of coffee, going back to reading a tablet computer. Aiden shuffled past the girls, stepping over one of their tails. He emerged and almost ran slap bang into a girl hurrying down the corridor who had gray skin, gills, and very, very sharp teeth. Her arms were covered with winding, bio-luminescent tattoos that pulsed faintly and she was holding a set of books close to her chest as she hurried along - and nearly dropped all of them as Aiden emerged.

"Oh! Sorry!" she said, her voice having a rather thick German accent. A cute one though. "Sorry, sorry, head in the clouds."

"Uh, no, it's all right," Aiden said. Where the fuck is she from? He watched her zip around him and head down the corridor. Then he started forward until he found a bathroom. He opened it, half expecting to hear either ferocious sex or someone taking the worst, most liquid shit in the universe. Instead, he just saw Kyute, her pink hair gleaming under the pale white light of the ceiling bulb, kicking her legs out and leaning back against a mirror, her cute tush resting on the lip of a sink. It couldn't have been comfortable, but she was so slight and small that she had managed it just fine.

"Sooooooo," she said, grinning at him. "You must feel like you've won the fucking jackpot lottery in pussy, huh, Aiden?"

"What?" Aiden asked.

"Dude, you've read an isekai, right?" Kyute asked.

"No," Aiden said.

"Dude!" Kyute exclaimed. "God. Okay. I'll explain it simple for you then. You're a strapping, virile, Earth-Prime dude, dropped right into an AU populated entirely by barely legal teenage pussy all modeled on fuckin' fictional bangers, and you have a god given right to utterly slam all of it!" She waggled her eyebrows at him, excitedly.

Aiden had to admit.

That was the most crass way to describe the most intensely puerile fantasy in the entire universe. And the idea of it was so intensely arousing that his brain nearly melted out of his ears and his knees started to tremble. Kyute grinned wickedly, then slipped off the sink, her feet lightly padding along the floor. Her palm cupped his crotch and she ooohed softly. "And you have a goddamn bea-stttt in here. God, you're gonna find out how many times eighteen divides by sixteen with this dick, dude. Holy shit." She cackled. "Every girl in school's gonna walk funny once you're done with em!"

Aiden grabbed her wrist, shoving it away from his crotch. "Kyute, that's not funny," he said, flushing hard. "You said you're here to, like, tell me what the deal is. Why I'm here. What's going on!"

"I am, dude," Kyute said, wriggling away from his grip with ease. She walked away, then turned back to him. She grinned. "This place was built to put a big old cockblock on some total jerkbag's attempt to eat the multiverse. He's called the C-something or other. You know how these Lovecraft bozoes are. Five Us, six Os, no dicks in the lot." She flipped her hand dismissively. "But the issh is that it needs just that little bit of Earth-Prime mojo to stay intact! It needs you. And you gotta be rooted to the dimension or else it falls apart when it gets bumped funny."

"How do you know all this?" Aiden asked.

Kyute rolled her eyes, reached into her vest pocket, then flipped out her wallet. She flapped it open and showed him a badge. Aiden frowned.

"This says official pantie inspector."

"Oh, fuck, shit, fuck, fuck," Kyute muttered, flipping her wallet around, rummaging around, then flashing a different badge: SCA. "Source Caretaker Agent. I'm a fuckin spook from the multiverse. And I'm here to tell you, from the lips of the Source Caretakers to your ears: The only way for you, Aiden Dalbert, to save this world, and your world, and every other world in the whole grand spiral of the cosmos, from now until the end of town, is to get the panties of every single girl in this school to hit the floor and to slam them like there's no tomorrow. Cause if you don't..."

She flipped her wallet shut, and her voice grew wry.

"There ain't gonna be."