All Comments on 'Incident at Blue Creek Convent'
by hogansavoy
- 8 Comments
Nun too believable, and I wouldn’t make a habit of writing like this, as it is very un-convent-ional.
It's definitely fap worthy, but the way it's written seems more like the script for a porn comic than for a story. Too many people saying different iterations of the same thing.
Bras were invented in the 1910’s.
I quit reading after the first two mentions of bras. From the other comments it seems that probably saved me some time.
Oy. Pretty well written, good premise, but waaaaay too many pages of dialogue before anything real happens. Actually, I got halfway through and still nothing had happened except a young girl mouthing off to her superior, which was more obnoxious than sexy. The mouthing off didn't even really make sense.
First half (or 11 or so pages) are an excellent build up, only too long. Bigger problem is that in the action itself, instead if characters, we have groups with irrelevant members. Its like a formula, where one group member says something, and the others say a slight variant if that, and every member of the group do the exact same thing. Maybe if you rewrote it with less but more individual characters, with individual actions.
Stay away from historical narrative fiction. You suck at it.
No one - Ever - spoke like that.
if ugly elderly nuns molest abuse fuck Melissa, or mother Tabitha was ugly, fat, it will be perfect