by oldnhorny
So damn hot cant wait for more when he gets to fuck and suck mommy too, then maybe the two of them together, and the two women doing each other while he getes his strength back
Don't submit anything else until you know what the hell the word means. I'm not looking for the next literary great when I surf LitErotica, but when your writing is so poor it's actually painful to read, I call it like I see it.
I would really like to read more of him and his sister.
I hope that he can convince his mom that she needs his cock too,and both women wear him out satisfying their hungry pussies.
Thanks for the good read
You know how to tell a pretty good story. I was slightly put off by the punctuation and usage errors, but not enough to ruin the story. Getting the story out of your head and onto the page (or into the hard drive)is only the first step. The polishing and revising and editing is the not-so-fun part of writing. You need to carefully edit and re-edit before it is realy finished. You know the story too well and will overlook all kinds of mistakes so find someone you trust to read it critically and edit it again.
Great start, and except for one "thing", it would have rated a "5". Prom night, like weddings, are one of the few times that some females, young and old, wear pantyhose! They were missing, here, but maybe next time. Either way, keep writing and I'll keep reading.
Pretty great story!
*Though the mom part was a little creepy.. still amazing!
the constant changing of the point of view ruined the flow of the story it would have been much better from only one person point of view. as always getting the parents involved is a major mistake.
The story was ok, i think I was more surprised with the brother jumping sisters bones at school than anything. .....but here we are again, yet another author who has no clue as to where the hymen is. My gawd folks, go to google and look at pictures if you've never seen one in the real world! If you don't know what you're writing about then do your homework!
As for mom 'smelling' sex on the girl, I don't buy that either. Semen pretty much has no smell, hell I can shoot a load on my wifes tummy and rub it in and you still cant smell it. I can smell my wife when I get her panties off, but again after sex when she puts them back on and is back in her pajamas you just can't smell anything. Guess we can let that one go though since its a useful plot tool. Heh.
So what happened the next morning moving forward???