All Comments on 'Juicy Lucy!'

Why not just divorce the wife? Or does the thrill lessen. Well I suppose both the mom and ex hubby could work in a brothel to pay for the divorce

You need to get an editor or, at least, a proof-reader. Your poor grammar and punctuation detracted from the story line.

I liked your idea and your theme but I also feel you should discipline yourself to develop the story more. Namely, give the sex itself some more description. Every story in here has some sex at its heart so you need to make your description more individual. And the hot mom-in-law is also a favorite character so make her more distinctive. Make the seduction more attenuated, perhaps. Increase the tension--maybe when Kelly is in the next stall, you two respond in some way to hearing her pee, for example. Just an idea.

But someone who is 46G would not have a slim waist unless she was deformed. The 46 indicates she is 46 inches around the chest below her breasts. TO go from a 46 inch rib cage to a slim waist would mean she was but like a WWE superstar but with breasts.

Bad writing, bad spelling, bad grammar, choppy sentences, bad breaks in paragraphs, bad dialog...what else? I'm generous to give you a 0 because there is no negative rating.

Make this into a series. Very exciting.

Okay, so it's not deathless prose. It's shameless sex, and nothing else. Taken as that, I thought it was an excellent piece. I hope to see more from the author soon!

okay, so most of what everyone else had to say was spot on. more description. without the details, this story is very boring. and having an oblivious wife leaves no obstactle for you to overcome.

there is no emotion in the story except for lust, and anticipation (which is seriously lacking). its wham bam, thank you mom. maybe develop the characters a little bit more. and the mother in law, lucy, im sure would feel some remorse for a husband lost after however long. so again, more emotion.

why the strip clubs are still open and doing very good business is because they keep their customers wanting more. but you give the reader everything they want. sometimes, teasing is good. now im not sure i can speak for every reader, but i have a tendancy to look at where my scroll bar is during any point of the story, and if two weeks disappears in the middle, im questioning the credibility.

the 'status' of the main character from a 'dossile' character to an aggressive character when the two meet in the bathroom. the whole mood is ruptured, and you have lost flow. consistency is important to any piece of literature.

the vulgarity may work in some parts of the story, but again you lose momentum and flow. try to use softer, and gentlier words for adjectives (aciton words), and verbs. and yes, read up on your english sonny-jem! you do need to learn how to spell correctly, and check your grammar. it wouldn't be so hard to have someone edit it. the editing process might take longer than to write the story. dont worry, in the end, you can't lose.

You have the makings of a decent story. But, it's so choppy and spotty that there's no flow to it. Please proofread,and find an editor!

Was this story written by a 16 year old virgin. He certainly has never seen a nude mature woman. If he ever gets on his Daddy's office equipment,he should do a lot of reading and get a good editor before sobmitting another story.

What a dead set cunt I hope the old slut gives you a dose that makes your cock drop off

Needs more details.....seems rushed

It was rushed...and really the characters are just blah. He's cheating scum and she is fucking her daughter's husband. Nothing new here, and nothign good either.

Interesting story, but way too many commas. You may wish to pick up a copy of Elements of Style. Or have someone proofread it before posting. A good story made too difficult to read because of the punctuation.

you need an editor.

There are at least 100 unnecessary commas throughout the story.

Careful! What's good for the goose...a two week business trip indeed.

Great story! I do wonder how he ended up married to a 'skinny boy bodied' wife? Ah well seems all is well. I have to wonder if two weeks a year will be enough for Lucy or him now. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents