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Click hereShe put her hand over her lower abdomen and rubbed the spot with her palm.
"Seeing you and giving you the news in person is enough," she glowed with happiness.
"Have you picked out a name yet?" seemed weak.
"I will leave that up to you."
"Oh, come on," I relaxed slightly. "This is something we are doing together."
"No, it is not, kind Cáel."
"Just because she will most likely end up an Isharan doesn't ..."
"No, Cáel. This birth will cost me my life. I am not destined to ever see my daughter draw her first breath," she confided in me.
"No!" I recoiled. "That's unfair." What else could I say? 'I take it back. I shouldn't have listened to my Goddess and screwed you out of what little life you had left.'
"I am content with my fate, Cáel Nyilas Wakko Ishara. Our daughter will be the first female of the Isharan line in nearly 1600 years. Rejoice that we have been confronted by Destiny and triumphed. The light of the Peacemakers will shine once more among our sisters."
"It is not worth the cost of your life," I responded bitterly. This was colossally unfair to all three of us.
"That you grieve for the short time I have left gives me strength, knowing our daughter will grow up with a strong, caring father. I ..."
I could sense Ishara close by my side.
"You must go, my Cáel. We will next see each other in the Halls of our Ancestors. Take our daughter and raise her well. I have faith in you," she sighed pleasantly, as if I had sheltered her from the rainstorm with my umbrella.
"We must go," Ishara whispered in my ear and then we left. I was back in the hotel room, looking down at the tears on my sleeping face and it hurt so much.
"You gave me that command knowing what it would cost her," I sounded so hollow, chin on my chest, eyes closed instead of looking at my feet.
"We are not an easy people to love, Cáel. We are harsh. Endless centuries of suffering, pain and mistrust have made us this way. Please understand that what you see as one life passing is really one life coming into being. It is a life Fate would have denied the line of Ishara. I took you to meet Tadêfi because I wanted you to greet your daughter with understanding, not sorrow. I owed you."
"Steal my anger why don't you?" I chuckled bitterly. "Can I even blame myself for this tragedy? It isn't like you made me do anything. I did it because I wanted to and never gave much thought to the frail health Tadêfi was hanging on to. This is so wrong and I don't know what to do."
"Wake up. Keep living. If this news turns your heart, or fills your mind with doubt, then both of us have failed you. Tadêfi didn't have to tell you. I didn't have to bring you to her. I believed you were owed the chance to say good-bye."
"I didn't say that," I exhaled sadly.
"You openly grieved and let her comfort you. That is more of a 'goodbye' than most people are able to convey. She knows your heart. You were honest in your sorrow. She saw that and that eased her suffering knowing that you are a person who is free with their heart. For a woman who expected nothing but wickedness from men for so long, that was the ultimate gift. You did help her. You truly did."
"I ..." I woke up. Anais was looking down at me, concerned.
"You've been crying," she noted by touching my cheek with a finger then showing me the dampness.
"Do you believe a person's soul can fracture?" I murmured. That sort of talk was unlike the 'me' she once knew.
"Do you believe that another can help you put your soul back together if that happens?" I continued.
"You are not talking about us, are you?" she studied me.
"No. I'm thinking about being a parent, not just a father. Can I fuck that up as much as I've screwed up so many of the other women I've cared for ... am I going to be worthy of being a Dad?"
"Oh ... I don't know. You are not the man I knew two years ago. I think you have changed for the better. You are still far from perfect yet ... you seem to be trying so much harder than previously."
"You think I'm going to screw things up, don't you?"
"Yes. Yes, I do, but I also think you will only make the same mistake once. That is better than most men can hope for," she let her gaze soften.
"This is us breaking up ..."
"Yes. I think if I stayed, you would break my heart; and I am starting to believe neither one of us wants that," she nodded. "One more time?"
"I'd love to," I smiled at her. I still hurt. I was using sex to bandage my pain. Anais knew that and was giving me this unlooked for piece of kindness. It was the best break up I'd ever had, or could ever hope for.
- COMMENTS
Jesus James, your talent is amazing, your ability to weave so much into each chapter is mind boggling, thankfully the humor relieves the stress of the mental gymnastics it takes to keep up with the story line. Such an easy 5🌟s.
Damn Another great chapter, you put so much emotion into your characters. nicely done.
Damn you for making me care so much for your characters that I shed tears fir them
I get this bad feeling that I have just been briefed on the Thailand situation that is happening right now in March of 2021. Sad...
I too appreciate comments and read them all though I've been slack in responses recently.
Odette ... she is like the adorable kitten whose neck they would throttle at a moments notice if it wasn't for three things.
It would upset Cael who just might figure out who really did it ...
Katrina, who would figure out who did it ...
and ...
Pamela who would kill said assassins in a quite memorable way. Pamela scares the fuck out of people ... who aren't Cael, or Odette. She WAS the most lethal Amazon killer of the 20th century and retired in her early thirties. Think about that.
She figured out how to kill Alal in a semi-permanent manner so her threat comes as much from a cerebral arena as any physical one. She adores Cael and really likes Odette and Chaz ... and those who matter give those three forbearance because of that.
Katrina is capable of playing mind games with Alal and the best the Seven Pillars have to offer.
In that light, reconsider how people react to the 'adorable kitten' called Odette. Chaz has proven his personal lethality and Cael is favored by the Goddesses and Ancestors, so they have their own excuses for being allowed within the world of these otherwise secretive people and Odette has Pamela.
As to why Odette is there ... sometimes Cael needs a reminder sometimes about what is good in Humanity and a true, uncompromising friend.
As for Cael being bi-polar ... that could be because I'm bi-polar and toward the end of this story, this shown through more than I would have liked. Also, this was a seriously stressful time in Cael's life - the guy who barely took any responsibility for his own life was suddenly responsible for thousands of lives, if not tens of millions of deaths and displacements. That was a tough thing for him to deal with and it expresses itself in the occasional lapse into his old, childlike behaviors - or so I would hope it would come across that way.
I hope this helps and take care,
James aka FinalStand
While I absolutely adore this story and your writing, there's two things that lead me to skipping huge chunks of the second half.
Odette, at first I thought she was comic relief, but in the second half she kind of gets... Shoe horned into the plot for no real reason, I'd get it if it somehow deepens the characters but it effectively changes nothing while leaving me scratching my head, these bad ass secret murdering cult females, who HATE outsiders and HATE weakness, somehow get along with odette who has no discernible skills or purpose. Im not trying to take a dump on the character, she was actually one of my favourite characters from the first half.
Secondly, Cael is kind of bi polar in the second half, flip flopping between childish obnoxious and emotional Marianas trench, and while this worked really well in the first half, I'm not quite sure how to take him telling literally every single person he meets everything. Meets up with anyone? Hey lemme tell you about this super secret female secret society for secret murderers that I'll explain in detail for no reason.
Maybe I'm just not understanding it, or it's not clicking with me, like I said I adore this story, it's by far my favourite on this site and one of my favourite online. Your world is amazing and I hope I don't come off rude, but I know personally I appreciate it when people give feedback on my stories.
Please, lose your way! Take this story wandering from NYC to the Black Sands. Your characters are quite engaging, so let your pen (well, keyboard) fly. I have no idea where this is going, but feel privileged to ride along. Thank you. JPR
I read and take to heart every comment made about my stories. I don't always agree. I don't have to. I know I am not going to make everyone happy. I do know my stories are made better by criticism though. I worry about 'losing my way' in a tale. I delete way more than I publish because I feel some things, while I like writing about them, won't contribute to the story. I do feel I've short-changed some relationships in the process. I sometimes have to balance where I want to take the story, those relationships and how far beyond 15,000 word in a chapter I want to go. In the end, its my tale and my call to make.
I do thank you for your comments and if you wish to comment me through feedback with your ideas and critiques, I'll do my best to respond.
I think they're right, honestly you shouldn't drag the story "too" far along, though don't end it too soon either as nobody likes a rushed ending (though they do appreciate at least having an ending). I'm rather curious why Cael doesn't have a vehicle by now, that whole cyclist thing should've gone out the wayside the moment his life got flipped upside down and he's in constant danger. If not him driving, he should've been issued a vehicle or something by now, not that it's a huge factor in the story though since he does love being in those clothes and Havenstone (especially Brielle and her elevator buddy) loves it as well. Regarding chapters like these, the only, and I do mean only good thing I can say about them is at least they are faster to read since there's so much rubbish to skip through, so I thank you for that at least. Your best chapters are the ones dealing with the actual story, you know, the one with Cael and the amazons and friends and their direct interactions. NOT this war history stupidity the story is turning into over time. I know you and some others in here love history and that's great, but it's ruining your story at the same time as you're losing focus, introducing too many concepts, people etc and it's becoming more about UN talks and the like rather than Cael and the amazons that made so many of the earlier chapters enjoyable. Another thing that I didn't understand was why you neglected Hana and Onnela so much despite her being his official fiance, and him loving children? We love and adore Aya, you've done amazing work there, but it honestly surprises me you didn't do anything at all for a first meeting with her daughter or have any written interactions with her and Cael which was disappointing. On to the next chapters, and hoping that you've started turning the story back to something worth reading, will let you know by the time I finish chapter 46, not that I expect you to care since I've written a negative (albeit truthful) comment about your work. You write well but just not a fan of where you've taken the story with regards to all the warring, it could've been so much better.
Cael does remind me of all the things I like about Mat,who was my favorite character in that series. FS, this story is amazing. Please keep up the good work!
Woot!
Thanks FinalStand for the granted Christmas wish. I feel like a kid waiting to unwrap his gift again, and that's something I haven't felt in many a moon. So I thank you kind Sir, and wish both you and yours a truly Merry Christmas and a healthy and Happy New Year!
That's a nice unexpected present. You have been giving us so much all year long, thank you very much indeed. I wish you happy holidays and a happy, healthy and prosperous new year.
I have submitted Chapter 43 and it is 10 pages long. I apologize for the delays. Now on to Chapter 44.
{sings) All I want for Christmas is chapter 43
chapter 43
chapter 43
All I want for Christmas is chapter 43
and I would have a Merry Christmas!
I've never read the Wheel of Time series, but I feel honored that you would compare my efforts with one of your favorite fictions.
Cael is difficult for me to describe. I guess he is a man in transition. At the start, he is a free-wheeling, independent, self-indulgent young man. He sees himself as a man who has never had to make hard decisions in his life, ignoring his desire to better himself after that High School disaster.
He is a 'live and let live' kind of guy dealing with situations that don't allow that level of moral flexibility. In some ways, he is rather childish. That ANYONE considers him reliable in a crisis appalls him yet he won't shy away from what he feels needs to be one. I guess that means he is a man growing into a Man.