Lightning In a Bottle

When I woke up, I had to pee something fierce. Unlike every other day, I didn't take a pillow. It seemed silly at that point.

When I was back in the bedroom, I pulled the sheet off John.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"We need to change the sheets. They're covered in cum. And, I wanted to look at you."

"Why?"

"I've never seen you. It think it's about time I did."

John's feet were large and athletic. His calves were thick. He rolled off his toes when he walked, and his calves were muscled as a result.

His crotch was hairy. His dick was soft and, to my surprise, uncut. I had never seen foreskin before. His balls were large and dangled.

"Like what you see?" he asked.

"I do. A lot. You?"

"Yes. You have a really nice dick. Big and thick," he observed.

"It's too bad when your best feature is your dick," I responded.

"It is not. It is your eyes. And your smile. You should smile more often. It becomes you."

I climbed into bed, settled my head on his shoulder, and put my fingers in his chest hair.

"What are we doing?" I asked.

"I have no idea," he admitted.

"I've never been with a man before," I said, truthfully. I had thought about it, but my Catholicism was so entrenched that I was certain the mere thought prolonged my already extensive stay in purgatory.

"Me, either," he responded.

"I've thought about it," I admitted.

"Me, too," John admitted back. "It always seemed to me the sex would be better. If you have a dick, it seems like you should more readily know what to do with a dick."

"Do you think we should stop?" I asked.

"Do you think we can?" he asked back.

"I don't know. I don't think I want to."

"I know I do not want to," he assured me.

I moved my hand to his face. "It's probably time we kissed," I said.

"I agree," he said, moving his mouth to mine. It was soft, but firm. I slowly opened my mouth, and he opened his. Our tongues danced and lashed at each other. He rolled on top of me, and we started making out with reckless abandon. We were on the high wire, and there was no net below. We rolled around. We were sweating and hard when we finally broke our first kiss.

"Wow," was all I could say. I was lightheaded.

"Yeah . . . . Wow."

I moved my mouth back to his and kissed him again, as deeply as I could. For the first time, I took him in my hand. I had never touched a hard dick other than my own and was, for some reason, surprised it felt like, well, a dick. Nothing more and nothing less. I almost laughed at the simplicity of it all.

I started jacking him. He was almost as thick as me, but about two inches shorter. He reciprocated, and we started jacking each other in rhythm. We came at the same time without breaking the kiss. We coated each other.

We stared at each other. "I love you, Josie," I said.

"I love you, too, Carrot."

"I think I'm falling in love with you."

"I know. I feel the same way. I feel like we have caught lightening in a bottle." Over the next few weeks, "lightening" became our secret public code to express how we were feeling when others were around and we couldn't be explicit.

*****

Even though it was Monday, we left work early and hurried back to the apartment. We went straight to the bedroom, stripped as fast as we could, and kneeled face to face on the bed, making out and touching each other.

When we broke the kiss, I looked him in the eyes and said, "wish me luck, Josie." He asked "for what," and I responded "you'll see." I then kissed and licked his neck and chest and stomach before lowering myself and taking his dick in my mouth. It was easier and better than I thought, even with the foreskin.

"Oh my God, Mace," John moaned as I slid back and forth on him. "That feels so good." (I had used the same Max and Mace logic on John as I had on Ellie; on the rare occasion he called me other than Carrot, it was always Mace).

The angle was bad, and my jaw started to hurt. I pulled off.

"Oh, come on, you cannot stop now."

"I had to. The angle was wrong. Lie down."

He did, diagonal across the bed. With my back to his face, I moved my hand to the other side of him, and lowered my mouth back to his dick. With the curve of his dick, the angle was perfect, and I was able to take him deeper than I had before. Before long, he was tapping on my shoulder. I kept going until the last second, pulled off, and jerked him to orgasm. He raised up as he came, and he bit the back of my shoulder.

When he regained his composure, he offered that I had "cut it close."

"I know. But, I didn't want to stop."

"How was it?" he asked.

"Not bad, actually."

"Really?"

"Yeah. A little funky and odd, but not bad."

"You did well."

"Thanks, I guess. You should probably thank Ellie. She gives great head."

John rolled toward me, whispered "let's not talk about Ellie," put his mouth on my right nipple, and took my dick in his right hand. "What if my mouth is not big enough?" he asked.

"Just try your best," I urged. There was some unfortunate initial contact with teeth, but John got it worked out and was soon sliding up and down on my dick. As I got close, I tapped John on the head so he knew I was about to come. John pulled off and started to jack me. I arched my back as my orgasm started in my balls and shot through my dick. My cum hit the wall over my head. I had never come so hard.

As John settled in next to me, I asked "what did you think?"

"It was okay," he said.

"It was better than okay for me."

"I am glad. And, I could tell. You hit the wall again."

We blew each other twice more that night. Each time was better than the one before. By the end of the night, we were laying next to each other, head to toe, talking and tickling each other's crotches. I took John's dick in my hand, suggested we try to come at same time, and started jerking him. He did the same.

"Are you getting close?" he asked.

"Not really," I answered.

"Slow down. I am." I did. When he started jacking me faster, I speeded up on him, too.

"I'm getting close," I said.

"Me, too."

"Oh, Josie, I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come," I said, shooting straight up in the air. Cum rained down on us. Just as I was finishing, I felt John's dick thicken, his body tense under my arm, and cum move through and out his dick.

"We should get some sleep," John urged.

"I know," I answered, wiping the cum off John and me with the shirt I had used earlier. It was getting sticky and thick.

When we were settled into the pillows, I put my lips to John's and told him I wanted to fall asleep kissing him. "Okay," he said, pulling me closer to and putting his arm around me.

"I love you, Josie," I said, into his mouth.

"I love you, too, Carrot."

We fell asleep, mouth to mouth.

Part Five

The next morning, John and I awoke facing each other. I took his hand in mine, intertwining our fingers. We smiled at each other for awhile before John suggested that I cancel my weekend plan to visit Ellie, "I think we should see where this is going."

"I'd love to, but I can't," I answered. "There's an event at her firm, and she's counting on me being there as her date."

"Maybe I should go to Chicago to visit Vi while you are gone," he answered.

"Why, so I have to wonder all weekend what you're up to?"

"No. So I do not have to rattle around here alone, wondering all weekend what you are up to. Although, from what you have shared, I suspect I know what you will be up to."

"I dunno," I answered. "A lot's changed since she was last here." I leaned over to John, kissed him on the lips, and whispered, "You know I'd rather stay here with you."

"I would rather you stay here with me," he whispered back.

"Funny, isn't it?"

"How so?"

"Well," I said. "A month ago, I didn't know you. Now, I can't imagine not knowing you. And, I had no interest in same-sex sex. Now, I can't wait for the next wall to fall."

"The next wall is a big one," John warned.

"I know. But, I've been penetrated with toys before. So, I don't think a dick'll be much different."

"Ellie?"

"Of course. She's into everything."

"Did you like it?" he asked.

"You know, I got hard from it, so I must have liked it as some level."

"Then, it is settled. Tonight, we will try. On the living room floor."

"Like your next syllable, I look forward to it with great eagerness," I said, again quoting Hobson.

"Me, too," John said, adding, "But, in the meantime, I think we should blow each other once more before we head to work."

John maneuvered around until we were ready to 69. In the past, I didn't much care for the position or the action, as it was too much. I felt like I was on sensory overload. But, this was like riding a teeter totter. When I was down, John was up, and when John was up, I was down. I'd have laughed if it hadn't been so hot. John came first, without any warning whatsoever. I had no chance (I was too close to coming myself) to pull off, so I swallowed. It was bitter, and I gagged a little bit.

I tried to hold on as long as I could. I thought of unsexy things and mundane tasks. I was ebbing away when John grabbed the base of my dick with his hand and moved it in unison with his mouth. The stimulation of my entire shaft was too much, I announced "I'm gonna come," and I shot the first volley into John's mouth as he tried to pull off. The remainder wound up on his face and in his hair.

Neither of us moved. John started to laugh, and I joined him.

"I tried to let you come in my mouth, I swear," he said.

"That's okay. I'd rather come on your face and in your hair. I like marking you."

John spun around, pinned me to the bed, and shook his head, trying to shake my cum onto me. It didn't work, but we laughed as he tried. He locked his hands in mine, lowered his face, kissed me softly, and whispered, "what am I going to do with you?"

"Pretty much anything you want," I whispered back.

*****

We had a summer associate event that night, and John thought it'd look strange if neither of us showed. We were already worried that people were talking about how close we had become in a short amount of time. We were convinced Ellie and Vi were the only things retarding the gossip. John encouraged me to publicize my weekend in New York with my girlfriend, and he started talking excitedly about visiting Vi and how much he missed her.

I skipped the summer event, pleading family commitments in St. Charles. Instead of visiting my family, I went directly from work to liquor store and bought and expensive bottle of wine. Then, I swung by Target and bought candles. Then, I headed to the apartment and pulled the bag of toys Ellie and shared from my closet (It was 1990, and AIDS was still very much a death sentence; I probably should have gotten condoms, but I trusted Josie's representation he had never been with another man). I retrieved lube and a dildo. I coated the dildo with lube, and while waiting for Josie, tried to get myself as ready as I could.

When John got home at 8:30, the wine was open (and mostly gone), the candles were lit, and I was as ready as I could be. I was in my underwear on a down comforter on the living room floor, listening to the Cure.

"Great minds think alike," John said, presenting a bottle of wine and a candle.

"We don't need the candle," I said. "But, we definitely need the wine. I'll open it while you get ready."

John went to the bedroom while I went to the kitchen. I returned with an open bottle of wine. He returned nude. A fool, he flexed and posed for me.

"Do you like what you see?" he asked coyly.

"I'm pretty sure your brain is your best feature," I responded, sarcastically.

Pretending to pout, he complained "maybe I should fuck someone who appreciates me for my gorgeous body." I had a lot of options available. I thought about responding that minds are more durable than bodies, which would have been a sweet response. I thought about responding "good luck finding that someone," which would have been a bitter response. I settled on "you should fuck someone who loves you tons," which was the right response.

We sat cross-legged on the floor and drank. John was hard, and I could tell he was eager. I was eager, too.

When it was time to go, I laid face down on the floor, with a pillow under my hips, so my rear end was raised. John lubed himself and me generously.

"Tell me if I hurt you," he said.

"You're about to fuck me," I responded, laughing. "Of course you're going to hurt me."

The details are not important. Suffice to say, there were many false starts, it took a lot of work, and there was definitely some pain, but John finally worked himself all the way in. I felt very full. As John gave me time to adjust, he intertwined his fingers with mine, and stretched my arms up over my head. He was covering me head to toe. It was the most intimate moment of my life.

"I love you so much, Carrot," he said.

"I love you too, Josie."

"How much?"

"Tons, like I said."

From that point on, we had a new secret word. Whenever we wanted to say "I love you" in public, we just worked "tons" into the conversation. It was pretty easy. "I have tons to do" or "I have tons of time" or "I'm having tons of fun" drew no suspicions.

"It is all I can do not to buck like mad," he said.

"You can buck," I said. "But, I think I'd prefer that you not 'buck like mad.'"

John started slowly sliding in and out of me. He was still covering me head to toe, and a thin layer of sweat spread between us.

"I am not going to last long," he said.

"Good," I assured him.

He started moving faster, and his breath became ragged.

"I am so close," he said. "Can I come inside you?"

"Of course," I insisted.

He did, pushing into me as deeply as he could. It may have been only my imagination, but I thought I could feel his cum entering me.

John buried his face in my hair.

"I love you so much," he said, rolling off me. "And, thank you. That was incredible."

"You liked it?"

"I loved it. I have never felt so close to anyone in my life."

"I felt the same way."

"Did it hurt a lot?"

"No, not a lot. And, turning you on actually turned me on."

"I can tell," he said, taking my dick in his hand. "It looks like I have some work to do." He kissed my neck, which I love. My neck is one of the most sensitive parts of my body.

He proceeded to make love to my body, kissing and licking all the way to my dick and back up. He grabbed his wine glass, and poured what was left in it down my chest and stomach. I felt it running all over me. He then licked every last bit back off of me. I had been ready to come when he finished fucking me. Now, his chest grazing my dick was about to send me over the edge.

"I need to come," I whispered.

"Be patient," he whispered back. He licked down to my crotch, but skipped my dick and worked on my balls and where my legs met my pelvis. I took my dick in my hand, but he grabbed my wrist and stopped me.

"Patience," he said, again.

"I'm not Job," I answered. "I need to come. My balls are starting to ache."

"Good, that is what I wanted." He moved to my dick, took me in his mouth, and started working the head with his tongue. I tapped him on the shoulder, letting him know I was about to blow. He kept going, taking me deeper into his mouth. I came, a lot. He sucked me harder. I felt him swallow as he did. I came more than I ever had.

"Jesus, Carrot," he said when I was finished. "I thought you were never going to stop."

"I know. That was a big one. Sorry about that."

"It is alright. It was the least I could do, after you let me fuck you. . . . Speaking of which, can we do it again?"

"Already?"

"Yes. See?" he asked, standing up and over me, showing me that he was hard again.

"Yes, please," I answered.

John fucked me twice more that night. The first time, I was on my stomach again, like before. The second time, he said he wanted to be able to see me, so we tried it on my back. It was more difficult to get started, but I liked that I could see what he was doing. As he went at me, we locked eyes. I felt like he could see into my soul. I was so happy I wanted to cry. I reached up and touched his face. He folded his head into my hand.

"I do not want to come," he said.

"I know."

"I could go on like this forever."

"Me, too."

He lowered his face to mine and kissed me. I gripped his head in my hands, hungrily kissing him back. He grunted, and I felt him filling me. The emotion and the intimacy and the pleasure was too much for me, and I came, too, coating my chest and stomach. John lowered himself to me, covering me head to toe. We kissed, gently, without hunger, until we had to stop to catch our breath.

*****

It was past midnight when we settled into a bath, with me resting against his chest. We were both well past tired. John's fingers were in the narrow path of hair on my chest.

"Hey, Mace, I just had a crazy idea. Do you think we should live together this year?"

"That's a pretty public declaration, isn't it?"

"It does not have to be. We could get a 2 bedroom apartment somewhere between Chicago and Northwestern. We could share a bed when Ellie and Vi are not over and sleep in our own rooms when they are."

"I'll have to think about it. I didn't do well before when Vi was over. It would only be worse now."

"I think it would be worth the trade. Even if we could not fool around when they were there, we would still be able to see each other. I do not want to go days without seeing you."

"I think we need to think about everything. I'm not sure, the way I feel right now, that it's at all fair to Ellie - or to Vi - that we keep dating them."

I felt John tense a little. I was clearly ahead of him in where I thought we were and where I thought we were going. Or, where I wanted to go.

Part Six

Wednesday and Thursday followed the precedent set Monday, with me bottoming for John. I didn't mind the status quo. One, I liked the feeling of him inside me, and how vulnerable it made me feel. I was generally very guarded, and it was great to feel open and subject to someone else. Two, the one time we discussed the option of me fucking him, John expressed concern about my size.

There was no such thing as the internet, much less Google, so it was difficult to research "how to get another guy ready to get pounded." I knew there was a gay bookstore in the Central West End, so I stopped by there on my way home from work on Thursday night. There had to be a magazine or something.

At first, I couldn't go in. I tried, but I couldn't. Every time I'd reach for the door, fear of who might see me inside swept over me.

The Loading Zone, St. Louis' most popular gay bar, was across the street. I was definitely not going in there.

I gave myself a pep talk. I was an adult, for Christ's sake. What was there to fear?

I went in. To my surprise, everyone kept going about their business. All eyes did not turn to me, to judge me with "of course you're here" eyes.

I went to the magazine rack. I tentatively picked a couple up. An older man glanced at me from the side. I must have looked lost. He held out his hand, introduced himself as Peter, and asked if I was looking for something in particular.

"Actually, I am. I kind of need a same-sex 'how to' magazine."

"It's not that complicated. Just do what feels good."

"That's easier said than done," I said. "I'm pretty big, and I want to make sure I make it as easy on the other person as I can."

"Aren't you a dear? So, you're going to top a virgin, and you want to know how to make it as painless as possible?"

"Exactly."

"You don't need a magazine. You need a friend. Come have a drink with me."

Peter walked me out of the bookstore and across the street to The Loading Zone. I paused and told Peter I had never been in a gay bar before.