Marriage Divorce Life Ch. 02

So, my marriage was finished, my life as I knew it was over. I was lonely and found myself needing a lift to stop me moping about the house. I expected it to be working on the car but no it came from the most unlikely source, my Grandads desk.

I set it up in the master bedroom in front of a big picture window that overlooked the harbour. I loved sitting there, being north facing, the sun streamed in bathing it in warmth and light, even on a cold day it was a warm cosy spot. One day sitting there going over monthly sales figures from the car yard on my laptop and I don't know where it came from, but I started writing.

At school I loved to write, I actually won some prizes and my English teacher tried to encourage me to take it seriously but I saw it as a pussy thing to do. All I wanted to do at the time was play rugby and chase girls.

I still had some of the certificates and prizes I won for creative writing from my teenage years somewhere.

I never took it seriously, I saw it as teenage ramblings nothing more than that, especially after meeting Shelby the literary genius. Here it was different. I had nothing to do and as I started writing the words flowed, they poured out of my mind faster than my fingers convert them to type. When I looked at the clock it was late the sun was gone, darkness prevailed.

I chuckled softly as I made myself some dinner. Wow what a day, I had still only processed less than half of my thoughts. After dinner I sat straight back down and immersed myself again. Only tiredness finished me off.

During my marriage my writing wasn't something I shared with Shelby. The fact she was an incredibly gifted writer and editor left me questioning my own efforts, I always felt my writing was flawed, that meant I never built the courage to show her any of the stuff I wrote at school. It was too embarrassing. My writings were amateurish teenage bullshit. I decided after our marriage to lock away any thoughts of writing and forget them. It wasn't a hard decision, it's not like I was any good.

When I woke in the morning, I couldn't help myself, I was straight back into it. All the emotions I felt during our breakup flowed into the story. I held nothing back as I related in words the story of our breakup. I changed the names so it was less obvious but this was essentially our story, a romance, a tragedy, in many ways a horror story, at least from my perspective.

Another day disappeared, as the words appeared in print my load lightened and I felt better, brighter. The story dominated my life, driving me even whilst at work my mind was entangled in telling my story capturing the pain and anguish. It only took a couple of weeks and it was finished over one hundred thousand words, bloody hell it had grown into war and peace.

When I read it, I could see all the flaws it needed editing badly. I am no expert but even I could see it needed polishing. Having a wife who is a world class editor made this part difficult; I didn't want her to ever know about this. I didn't write it for gain, I had been treating it as therapy, part of my healing process.

As I reclined back in my chair I struggled with the emotion, I reread the story and it gave me a warm glow, I thought to myself, 'this is actually alright'.

Being a little proud of it I decided there must be other editors I could use to help me polish it up so I could be satisfied with it.

I quickly created a pseudonym and matching email and dived online to search out an editor. It wasn't hard, there were quite a few. None of the names meant anything to me so I picked one at random. Rebecca, I chose only for no other reason than I liked her name. It cost $400 dollars but I figured what the hell, you only live once. I wanted to keep it for prosperity something I could look back on when I was old and grey.

Plus, I was interested in what it would look like after an expert had massaged it. Remembering back to my school days when my warbling's came back covered in red ink because my grammar was so terrible. I wasn't much of a student, I liked writing but I detested learning the rules.

Rebecca who did the editing stayed in constant contact as she made suggestions working her way slowly through the book. She was a cheery sort of woman full of praise for my writing but I put that down to her wanting any more work that might come from my scribblings, she was only interested in stroking my ego to get any follow up work. You know the adage you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

I was surprised at the end when she sent me the finished thing. She did a tremendous job and I liked her suggestions and alterations. What I wasn't expecting was her asking permission to send it to a publisher. She thought it was so good that she would have no trouble getting it published.

I laughed reading that. It wasn't what it was about, but it was an enormous stroke to my bruised and fragile ego. After taking a couple of days to think about it I agreed. It would be nice to see it in print and if anyone ever brought it that would be incredible.

My ego was still battered and bruised from the divorce, I realised early that it was part of what hurt so much being replaced so easily killed me. I guess I expected her to come chasing after me but since her return I had heard nothing from her. No phone calls, no text messages, emails nothing. I mean all she talked about was taking the month to make a decision, so I did expect her to want to talk. But no, I guess she made her decision and I no longer fitted in her future.

A couple of months passed and writing quickly became my relaxation, all my spare time was tied up behind the desk writing or staring across the sparkling waters of the bay. Large container vessels passed close by and I found myself a ship watcher as well. As they passed by, I pulled out my binoculars and watched the crewmen scampering about wondering where their next port of call would be. I even went so far as keeping a brief journal of their names and home ports.

Shelby may as well have been dead, she had vanished so completely from my life, I heard through Jennifer that she purchased a small apartment in the city centre. I did want to ask about whether she was living alone but couldn't find a way to ask without making myself appear like the wimpy sad hubby so I left that question unasked.

Our friends had sort of taken sides after the divorce, her friends no longer invited me to their shindigs and my friends made sure that even her name was never mentioned so our worlds separated completely.

I did see that Paul Withersomes book did get published and the literary world clamoured over him like ravenous feeding sharks. I hadn't read it but it appeared Shelby was at least right about that; he had a bestseller on his hands.

I got the shock of my life when I received notification from a small publishing house that they wanted to publish my book. There was some toing and froing before it went to print, the artwork of course and the money side of it. Because I had to release my true name and identity for financial reasons, my alter persona obviously had no bank account. I made sure the publishers were tied to a very strict and binding agreement that my real identity would under no circumstances be released for public consumption.

Nothing happened for a month or more but one day as I walked from the caryard down to a café for lunch walking past a small newsagent, I caught a glimpse of my book for sale in the window. Wow... what a boost to the self-esteem. My first thought was, 'HAH SUCK ON THAT SHELBY.'

The shock of seeing it for sale, and yes, I did buy a copy, I wanted records to show at least one copy sold.

As far as ego boosting went, seeing it reviewed in a human-interest story on the evening news was an even bigger surprise. Apparently, people liked the book and it was actually selling, I may have brought the first copy but it was not the last. The royalty cheque I received from the publishers with the artwork costs removed didn't exactly set the financial world on fire but for me it was the most incredible feeling of accomplishment. I was stoked beyond belief.

The Christchurch weekend press ran a review of the book and it received a glowing commendation filled with lots of positivity.

As an aside, Shelby and I had our first meeting, it wasn't sought, it was forced upon us by Jennifer's birthday. Shelby invited both Selwyn and Jennifer to stay with her and celebrate in style. I really would have preferred not to go but that would have been churlish. I sucked it up and offered to take everyone out for dinner at the best restaurant in town.

We all met at the restaurant, Shelby walked in with the kids and she looked amazing, she had changed her hairstyle and I'm sure she had spent the whole day at the beauty salon preparing for this moment.

It's an old cliché but yes, my heart missed a beat. Watching her walk in looking spectacular made me all the more aware that I did miss her, damn it.

Anyway, she looked fabulous. Her hips swayed swathed in a tight figure-hugging blue dress that showed off every curve to the very best advantage, OMG she was wearing stockings as well, I saw the tops as the split running up the side of her dress opened as she walked.

She opened her arms inviting me in for a kiss and hug which I received hesitantly. The kids were buoyant and carried a lot of the conversation. Shelby asked about my new house and she laughed, "I suppose you spend all day in the damn shed on that god-awful car?"

I laughed off her comment without answering. We talked mostly about the kid's study. Jennifer was studying veterinary science; it had always been her dream to become a vet. She loved animals. Selwyn was deep into his study and would be completing his law degree at the end of the following year. Between the pair of them they maintained the happy bubbly tone of the evening...

As we were getting up to leave Shelby suggested casually, "Tom, why don't we all go back to my place for a drink before you hit the road? It is only across the square, only a short walk."

The kids were both staying at a nearby hotel, so it was agreed. I would be lying if I didn't say I was interested because it would at least show whether Paul was living there as well.

When we arrived at her inner-city apartment, she showed us in. It was ultra-modern a newly built complex following the earthquakes and it sparkled. Hardwood floors, quartz countertops, lots of glass. Huge big double sliding doors that opened up onto a balcony that overlooked the cityscape. It was very impressive.

She showed us into the living area, being a loft style apartment, the living area was just one huge open expanse, segregated only by the furniture placement.

If Paul was living with her it wasn't apparent.

The kids and I sat around the coffee table as Shelby went into make the drinks. What shocked me was there sitting on the coffee table was my book and it was book eared she had obviously been reading it. I couldn't help but pick it up. Just as I was leafing through it to see where she was up to Shelby walked in carrying the drinks. She saw me with the book and gushed

"OH my god it's wonderful isn't it?"

I peered up at her with a slight sneer, "What...you like it?"

She seemed a little confused, "Oh god yes, why wouldn't I?" She gushed." "It's bloody brilliant and from a bloody novice as well for heaven's sake, I am so jealous! Nobody knows who he is."

Jennifer interrupted, "Yeah I have had a quick peek one of my friends at school is reading it."

Glancing sideways I asked, "What did you think?"

She smiled, "I liked it, I haven't finished it but I thought it was very deep. Whoever wrote it seems hurt."

The room went a little quiet before Shelby blurted out unthinkingly, "Rebecca tells me that the main character could be me. She says the central character could easily be me."

I was stunned to hear Rebecca's name, I had to ask, "Who is Rebecca?"

Shelby gave me a quizzical look, "She is a friend of mine, she's the woman who edited it. I was so intrigued by it I tried to find out who the author was I contacted the publishers who I do a lot of work for and they gave me her name. If she knows, and she says she doesn't she's not letting on, nobody will tell, it's very mystifying."

Jennifer gave her a rather concerned glare, "Mum are you insinuating this story is somehow like your breakup with dad?"

Shelby blushed, she suddenly realised her little share had opened up our story, with a shake of her hair she said bluntly, "Yes it could be read that way I suppose, not word for word, but loosely perhaps. "

Selwyn and Jenifer peered back and forth between themselves and then towards me. I could see the questions in their eyes. All I could do was bite my tongue and turn away so they didn't see the sadness.

Shelby picked up the change in mood and sighed tearfully, "Oh dear, now you think badly of me, now don't you?"

Jennifer was quick to hold her, "No mum, I don't think badly of you, but if this was a reflection of why you and dad broke up...well I don't know what to say." She bit her lips and wiped away a little tear before adding, "Well at least you appear happy and I suppose that's all that matters."

Shelby got a little defensive, "But now you think our divorce was all my fault, don't you?"

Jennifer sucked in a big breath before saying, "Mum, I'm not judging, but the woman in this story carried on a long running affair with another man behind her husband's back.... She behaved abysmally."

Selwyn interjected quickly, "Mum we aren't criticising, or blaming, all we want is for you to be happy."

Shelby sat down and her eyes moistened and I thought she might actually cry so I jumped in. "Let's not talk about this, there was no blame to be apportioned regarding our separation, we grew apart and wanted different things from the marriage... Shelby this is a lovely place."

She smiled back, "Thanks Tom, yes, it is nice, lonely at times but nice."

Selwyn laughed, "Lonely...here in the middle of the city, look outside the place is buzzing."

"It is possible to be lonely in a crowd." I threw in which quietened him down and drew a thank you smile from Shelby.

I left soon after and headed home. My head wouldn't stop spinning awash with Shelby's compliments about the book my heart beat stronger as I finished the long drive home.

The next day I was surprised, my day broken when Selwyn, Jennifer and Shelby pulled into my driveway. They all piled out of Shelby's old Toyota and Selwyn was quick to say after a brief look around, "Bloody hell dad, why did you buy this dump?"

I laughed, "Because I liked it."

Shelby rebutted, "Selwyn don't be mean, it's lovely, very peaceful and the view...wow Tom it is spectacular."

Jennifer who was a little more down to earth said, "Mum's right, it's beautiful."

I heralded them inside and showed them around, when Shelby saw the writing desk sitting in front of the window in the bedroom she sighed, "Wow what a beautiful spot for the desk, I can imagine sitting here writing, it would be heaven."

I made drinks and we sat out on the tiny patio which overlooked the bay and drank in what was a wonderful day.

Jennifer said, "Dad we drove past a fish and chip shop just back down the road, perhaps we could all go for lunch?"

I shrugged, "Yeah the food there is great actually, and on a day like today the view is hard to beat."

I turned to Shelby, "What about you? Fish and chips, I mean c'mon hardly your thing is it."

She cringed, "If you say the food is good, that's good enough for me." I chuckled, "Well, well, well." Shelby hated takeaway food she much preferred a proper restaurant.

Lunch was nice, the food was great, if you can describe fish and chips as great...Oh yes you can.... Hell yes. Even Shelby seemed impressed although I assumed, she was just being nice.

Back at my place, as we walked back inside Shelby noticed my book on the kitchen bench and chuckled, "I see you took my advice and brought a copy, what did you think?"

I laughed, "It was an interesting read."

"What did you think about the writing...did you like it?" She enquired.

Nodding I mumbled, "Yes, it was OK I guess, you're asking the wrong person Shelby, I know nothing about writing, that's your field."

She snapped, "Don't be silly, I always appreciated and valued your opinion when I was editing. You are a good reader."

I shrugged casually, "Thanks..."

The rest of the day passed pleasantly enough before they all had to leave. It was a long drive back to the city.

The novel continued to grow in popularity and I received plaudits and a certain amount of acclaim. There were literally hundreds of requests for interviews for radio and TV appearances. The publishers were pretty keen for me to do some promotion work but I decided to keep my identity a secret.

Celebrity status, fame and fortune were not the drivers in writing it, I didn't really care about that aspect. The good news was It made me enough cash to send the Impala in to have the bodywork sandblasted and painted, and the upholstery refurbished. At the back of my mind every time I received one of those requests all I could see was Shelby laughing at me.

That was it for Shelby and me, there was no more contact for months, I picked up little snippets from the kids but that was all. With the end of the financial year approaching, it was a busy time at work. I missed a lot of the hype around how well my book was doing; I had almost forgotten about it.

It was brought firmly back to the front of my mind when notified by the publisher that it had been nominated in the new writer's category at the NZ literary awards. Wow.... They also suggested that I should attend the ceremony because there was an outside chance I might actually win or at least get a mention.

That thought scared me and I started planning for someone to appear on my behalf. The only person I could think of was Rebecca the woman who edited the book for me. When I asked her if she could attend the ceremony and accept anything on my behalf, she almost fell over herself in her haste to accept.

As the award night crept closer I became nervous and more than a little interested. I asked the publishers if there was some way, they could get me a ticket to attend without me having to reveal myself.

The event was huge, a black-tie gala event held in the civic theatre. It would be attended by all the glitterati from the publishing world. It was a big deal indeed. I knew Shelby would be attending, probably with her friend Paul.

It required the purchase of a new suit and airfares to the capital for the evening. I thought about taking a date, all my friends had been playing matchmaker since the divorce and it seemed every dinner invitation, I accepted also included a single woman as well. Some I dated although none continually. I decided on this occasion I would go alone.

On the night I arrived a little late on purpose so I didn't bump into Shelby. When I walked into the event centre everybody was already seated. I was shown to a table at the back and off to the side. There were already a group at the table. Some quick introductions highlighted I was stuck with a bunch of critics and journalists. No wonder we were so far back.

Up the front I could make out Shelby, she was sitting with Paul and several other particularly well-dressed people, obviously from the publishers.

After a brief interrogation from the wolf pack at the table I explained I got the ticket given to me by a friend and I only came along for a nosy. The talk around our table quickly changed to the main event, mostly the book of the year award which was a foregone conclusion, their collective opinions was Paul would win. From the moment it was released it was written in the stars. There was however also a lot of chatter about the novice award, they rabbited on about how good my book was which made me blush a little. Sitting listening to them heap accolades on my writing was a bit much. I could feel my head swelling as they waffled on.