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Click hereMiranda Kalinsky and Lauren Baltauss, best friends for two years, declared themselves in a relationship after loving their first sexual experience together. They want to have more sex, but hardly get a chance to do it in Miranda's home. If any member of her Jewish family catches them they will be in major trouble, thus they usually do it in Lauren's home, as her parents support her choice to be gay. About a month after the two had sex for the first time, though Miranda's family plans to spend the weekend at a relative's place in Pennsylvania. Seeing this as a chance to spend that entire time with Lauren she declines to go with them despite their begging. When she invites Lauren for sex she eagerly accepts saying she cannot wait to experience it in Miranda's bedroom.
In her living room that evening, Miranda lies on the couch and reads a book when Lauren standing atop the stairs, snickers and tells her to come to her. She does and they hold hands, grin, and kiss as she says, "Good thing my family is not here!"
They laugh, go to Miranda's room, and lip-lock while holding each other. They then lean to the wall with Lauren on it and unzip and feel inside each other's pants. Miranda kisses Lauren's neck and chin as she shuts her eyes and pants.
They move away from the wall and Lauren removes Miranda's shirt as she sits on the bed and takes off Lauren's shorts. Lauren then pushes her onto her bed, removes her pants and sits on her lap as Miranda sits up. They kiss and hug, then Miranda takes off Lauren's top and kisses her chest and neck before they kiss as Lauren yanks off Miranda's bra. They lie on the bed. Lauren is on top kissing Miranda's neck and breasts. Miranda yells before lying face-down as Lauren turns 180 degrees, pulls off her panties to kiss her buttocks, gives her a rim job, and fondles her vagina as Miranda arches her back and bounces. She goes face-up as Lauren sits on her face to let her do the same to her buttocks and vagina. She takes off her panties and rubs her breasts. Lauren gripes and puts her hand between Miranda's bent knees. She lies down to make the 69 sex position. The two go down on each other and orgasm. She turns 180 degrees as they kiss and finger each other.
Lauren soon after puts her head on Miranda's chest. Miranda while stroking her hair asks, "Would you prefer to sleep on a bed or nude woman's body?"
She says, "A woman, especially if that woman is you. Your body is soft, smooth, and comfortable and you think mine is too right?"
Miranda replies, "Yeah it feels good to have your head on my chest and our lovely bodies feel each other."
Lauren says, "And I love it when you caress my head."
Miranda says, "Me too."
Lauren says, "I have an idea. When we have a sleepover from now on one of us will sleep atop the other and we'll alternate who will be on top, so since I am sleeping on your body tonight next time, you'll sleep on mine, sound good?"
Miranda says, "I love that idea," as Lauren smiles.
She yawns, then falls asleep. Miranda caresses her head, kisses her forehead, turns off the light, puts the blanket over them and sleeps also. They show affection wherever they go expect if Miranda's family is about by holding hands, hugging, and kissing. The girls are rarely seen apart.
Weeks later, the women shower together in the school's locker room when Miranda says, "That was a tough dance class."
They rub soap bars on each other as Lauren says, "Yes, but I had a good workout."
Miranda says, "Oh yeah. I'm so toned."
Lauren asks, "Did you tell your family about us?"
Miranda says "No."
Lauren asks, "When will you do that?"
"I cannot. You know how they'll react if they learn we are lovers," Miranda yells.
"They will find out sooner or later. What will you do if that happens?" Lauren asks.
"I'll think of something," Miranda says,
"Okay, I'll be here for you always." Lauren says.
Miranda says, "Thank you. I love you so much."
Lauren says, "Me too."
They face one another with their breasts pressed together and kiss hard while fingering each other's vaginas and grabbing each other's buttocks as the shower heads keep spraying them.
You're a straight white man writing about a type of sexual expression without the ability to emote or empathize. Write about what you know, dude, because it's obvious you know nothing abiut what it means for two women to actually love each other.
What does it mean to be a woman - when people of your ilk are unwilling to define a woman?
Not trolling really want to know.
Sorry, but straight men really should stay in their own lane when it comes to lesbian sex. Let the REAL lesbians play!
Don,t get me wrong, this story needs a lot of work but you've done the hardest thing, written something and put it forth for all and sundry to review. People become better writers by writing, by critically reviewing their work and by paying attention to comments by those who have read your work. Hard as it is, ignore the hate but not the critiques.
I'll give two suggestions to work on. Much of your narrative seems removed from the characters so it creates distance rather than engaging. Perhaps you could try writing in the 1st person as that immediately puts the reader in your protagonists shoes.
Secondly this is erotic fiction and you should put more attention to the erotic part. You sum up their love making in a paragraph. Give details, sight, sound, smell, taste and texture go a long way to adding exciteme. If you're describing an act you've only fantasized about, that's fine. Read someone else's works on the subject, project yourself into the roll of a participant and imagine what it would be like.
Keep writing
I'm sorry to be so negative but your story is totally unreafable. The writing is erratic, jumps all over the place & frankly, you don't yet have the skills to tell an engrossing story. I've checked your page & you've got tons of submissions, all in the Lesbian Sex category but they're all rated in the low to mid 3's.
You're a straight white man writing about a type of sexual expression without the ability to emote or empathize. Write about what you know, dude, because it's obvious you know nothing abiut what it means for two women to actually love each other.