All Comments on 'My Biker Baby Girl Ch. 01'
by pusylvr69
- 18 Comments
How in the world could you follow that up with a second chapter? I dunno, man, this story seemed like it could stand well enough on its own. By the way, I gave you 4 stars. The reason it wasn't a 5 was because, while well-written, there seemed to be a lack of real... I dunno... spark.
It was a slow starter for me. Telling a story isn't necessarily about recounting every single move that the characters make- like opening the barn doors, putting the bike in there, looking around, closing it back up, walking across the way to the main house... a lot of that could have been condensed like so: "The house looked like it was well boarded up and had been for a long time, but the small barn on the property didn't appear to be locked, so that's where I decided to stow my bike. When we got inside I was surprised to find how neat and orderly everything was, like it had been taken care of and well maintained. That impression alone led me to wonder if the house was abandoned or actually someone's summer home. I figured, then, that the best way to find out was to get inside that house and take a look around." Or something like that, y'know? Every editor's maxim is "Use less words."
Just thought I'd offer up some constructive crits to help you along in the future. Making a story long is never a problem as long as the content doesn't lose the audience's interest.
Thanks for this erotic father daughter tale. hope to read more work from you, story has right length and is well written.
as you said the handwriting was not his daughters wondering if this is going too turn into abit of a ghost story at some point, like if something happened to the father and daughter on the cruise and the were killed but the spirits a still around the cabin. considering halloween is approaching and such stories start getting posted
Awesome, just awesome. Read it twice, came twice. Can't wait for the next installment!!
this is the best story i have read in this site till now man voted u a five .. keep continuing the good work !! love it !!
OOhh I came so hard reading this story, my daddy had a big fat cock I loved to lick and suck.............mmmmmmmmm
Tell Mr. Nightshadow to do his thing and let you do yours. To me it was an excellent father/daughter tale that was told with a whole lot of real imagination. I thoroughly enjoyed it and actually regret that I can only give it 5 Stars! Keep doing what you do well and we will keep enjoying your efforts.
That was a great story, keep going, can´t wait for the next chapter!!
I enjoyed this so much! Please, give us all more to read and enjoy.
Thank you for this really great story. I love to read it all over again, can't wait for the next chapter!!
This was terrific! I got so wet I had to take a break and use my vibrator. It was great, and the story was good, too! I look forward to the next chapter, and thanks!!
Wow that was awsome!!
Wehre is the next chapter?
Keep on writing please.
I love it don't add anyone to the story it kills the story and the trill.
I know that opinions are like rectal openings - everybody has one, and they all stink, except for yours. However - IMHO - though this story started out nicely enough, it went downhill fairly quickly. I don't mind it when the characters occasionally refer to themselves in the third person, in dialog ("That's it, Daddy; fuck your little girl!") but the constant third-person references get to seeming like "baby-talk."
The other turn-off - at least, for me - in this story was the whole "extreme bondage" scenario in the latter half of the story. The end result caused the story to take on an aura that contained far too much lust, and almost no real love.
As far as I'm concerned, I'm glad the author never bothered to continue the tale!
A bunch of us rode to the top of Mt Evans on the 4th of July and had a snowball fight!